someone please help me deal

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2006
someone please help me deal
2
Sat, 05-20-2006 - 8:58pm

Okay, this is kind of a long story, so i'm going to try to make is as short and sweet as possible. i really need help. my husband and i have been married about a year and a half, together almost 3 years. i love him more than anything. keep that in mind as you're reading this. we had a daughter who just turned a year today. this past january my husband left me because i have found numerous times where he was on the internet searching for sex, and i read a journal of his that said he had cheated on me and it gave explicit detail. he also called me a 'bow-wow' in that same journal. why he ever stayed with me i'll never know. about a month after i found out i was pregnant was when i found the journal, and it was over 7 months old, so i got upset but i let it go. anyway, this past january, he left me because i had been finding internet things again and he said he couldn't take me yelling about it. i'm not saying i'm perfect. well, he took our daughter and moved in with his parents, and said he'd bring her back the next day. the next day i called to check on her and he asked me to move down there with him, 60 miles from my family. i didn't want to, but he hinted that that was the only way i was going to get our daughter back. i moved in with him, and his family was fine. we lived in their house for 3 weeks, and they have a house not even 50 feet from their front door, in the same yard, that they said they'd fix up for us. well they didn't fix it up, but we got our taxes and put lots of money into it. the house hadn't been lived in in over 12 years. it took ALOT of work and alot of money. we got moved in there and several things started going wrong with the house. first of all, my sister in law is 30 and still lives with her parents and 7 year old daughter. she has never lived on her own or even worked. she lives off $200 child support every month. i've always been independent and i don't understand her and we don't get along at all. so problems arose with her immediately. oh yeah, and i miscarried in january, the day after he left me. that will be useful soon. but my sister in law started coming over to my house and saying things like 'where does all of your money go?' and 'you guys spend way too much money' etc. she is very nosy because she has nothing better to do. okay. about the house. sorry i'm all over the place here, there's just so much going on. let me make a list of what was in this house. 1:my refrigerator was leaking, and there wasn't real flooring in the kitchen, so the wood that was down just absorbed all of the water and started to mold. my entire kitchen floor was beginning to be a breeding ground for mold. 2: we had no shower or bathtub at all. we had one, but my husband spent so much time with his dad taht he never had time to fix anything in our house. 3: the bathroom floor was cement and caked in dirt. i never got to clean it up because i was always watching our daughter, who is at the age where you have to watch her every move. 4: the roof in the living room was covered in black mold from a leaky roof that had been going on for years i'm sure. 5: just last week, where the black mold was, the entire ceiling fell through. it was about 3 sq. feet of ceiling. that is dangerous. very dangerous. the mold everywhere is enough. 6: about 3 days after we moved in, the used hot water tank that we got died. so i have had no hot water in that house for several months. 7: i got a used stove and the oven didn't work and 2 burners went out on it. see what i'm saying about the house? okay, to make matters worse, i had no phone, and i had to go to my in-laws' to give our daughter a bath, to take a shower ourselves, to use the phone, and every time i got on the phone, they listened in on my conversations or told me they needed the phone, and i also had to cook over there if i wanted to use the oven. i was later told that i couldn't use the oven over there because the house got too hot... ohyeah, and my air conditioner didn't work at all. it was always cooler outside than in my house. i went to work while i was there for 2 days, and the head boss made it clear she didn't want me there because i worked her other employees under the table. my husband didn't work from feb. 1 until apr. 1. We were living off his parents. literally. well, when jimmy went to work, his family got worse and worse, coming over to my house every day, telling me what i was doing wrong, what i should be doing, and where our money needed to go. if they knew we had extra money they borrowed it and i haven't seen a dime of it back. okay, so here's the worst part. i don't have a car, no job, i relied on my husband for everything. i felt like they isolated me. my dad says it was almost kidnapping because they did nothing for me and didn't let me contact my family. if they contacted me, the messages were never given to me or deleted off the answering machine. even my husband's friend said he called every day one week and we never knew it at all. i just happened to run into him at wal-mart when he told me. okay, back to the worst part. back in the beginning of march i thought i was pregnant again. i asked his family to take me to the doctor, the hours my husband works, he couldn't take me. i always got the run around. i am diabetic, just had a miscarriage, had no insulin or test strips or anything. all i needed was a ride to the health department for a proof of pregnancy and i could have medicare pick me up from there. they always told me his mom was working so she couldn't take me, but around 5 or 6 that night, they'd inform me that she WASN'T working and was going to the casino. this happened 3 weeks in a row. finally i stopped asking. when i told his mom i might be pregnant, she screamed at me and had me crying. she basically said i did it on purpose, but how was i supposed to get birth control when nobody wanted to help me? okay, i'm almost done here. last week, i told my husband we had to move, because i couldn't take the crap anymore. he gave lots of excuses then finallyjust ignored me when i asked. so i left. he begged me to come back the next day, and i did, and as soon as i got back, he took my daughter, and told me i needed to leave. we were seperating he said. the next day he called me crying and asked me to come back. at this point my family said that they were going to call children's services if i took my daughter back into that house. yes, it was that bad. friday, i met him at a party and told him taht i had to leave him until i could get a house for the both of us. even if he fixed taht house up, i was informed somewhere in the middle of the week taht i was no longer allowed in his parents' house. THAT IS WHERE I TOOK MY SHOWER AND GAVE MY DAUGHTER BATHS, COOKED OUR DINNERS, ETC ETC ETC. well, now he won't speak to me and has gone back to the internet sites and said on them that he is going through a divorce. i feel like this is all my fault, but i know that i did the right thing for our daughter. he won't speak to me at all. i love him more than life itself and am having a very hard time dealing with this. i tried calling him yesterday and his sister answered the phone and said if i loved him i would be at home with him. i said how in the hell am i supposed to take a shower?' she said, 'he was told to tell you friday that you are allowed over at my house twice a week to take a shower'!!!!!!!!!!! what?!?!?!?! and he was okay with that?!?!?! he didn't argue that with them>????? i'm hurting so bad right now and i want to go back so bad, but i know i can't because my family is serious about calling DHS. what am i supposed to do? how am i supposed to get over someone that i love so much and would do anything for?..... I wrote that the day before he filed a protective order on ME, because he was wrestling me around and finally i fought back, i hit him back TWICE out of the million times he's done so much to me, and he was granted a protective order. my court date is wednesday, i'll write more soon to catch you up on what happened with the protective order, and the situations surrounding what happened, etc. i'm pregnant right now though and my blood sugar is getting really low. feel free to respond to this letter for now though, until i can catch you up on the latest.

amanda roshell

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2006
Mon, 05-22-2006 - 10:40am

Hello. I'm Jenise from the Military Wives' Board. I didn't read the entire message because it's so long and I'm at work. But, I just want to encourage you to stay strong and remember that you are a wonderful person and you deserve love with no pain. If you are a believer I encourage you to pray and ask for strength and guidance. Try to take it easy and not stress. When you can, take a mental vacation and just relax on a nice beach or something. Take care of yourself and your baby. *~*~*protection and peace vibes *~*~*

Much love,
Jenise

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2006
Mon, 05-22-2006 - 5:41pm
thank you so much! i will try to sum up my story later. i know it's really long! xoxoxo