Time to breath again

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2004
Time to breath again
Wed, 06-07-2006 - 4:18pm

He plead guily!
The crown reccomended probation on the condition he return to CAlifornia without delay or trbl. He agreed to go. I havent heard anything from his probation office so that must mean he was able to get on the bus and go. the no contact order still stands. When he left he told the cops to tell me no to get in touch with him at all, ever. Kinda hurts that someone who said they loved me could be hateful so fast.
Weird thing is, that i feel happier since he left and happier than i can remember being for a long time. Hindsight is 20/20. I can see no that over the course of our married life that i was always walking in the shadows of his moods, trying to keep him from anger or being upset. That was a heavy heavy weight on my shoulders. I sometimes feel guilty that im so happy, but im working on that. I have given the worry and concern of my husband over to God. I cant help him. I tried for 4 years and i wasnt enough to keep him happy or content.
Im even thinking at age 36 of going back to school. eecck!!! thats a scarey thought. Just one problem, im at the same spot i was when i was 18, I dont know what i want to do! lol
Oh well, one step at a time.

"Pain is ineveitable... misery is optional" Smile, it makes ppl wonder what your up to ;)