Trapped.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2006
Trapped.
5
Tue, 06-27-2006 - 1:35am
I am trapped. I have no friends, I have no job, and my family lives in another state. He will not allow me to work and if I get a phone call I am conspiring against him. I am a whore, a B, a slut, a skank, nasty, and lazy. Because of him I went from being semi-confident to weak and pathetic. I have major anxiety problems and have panic attacks on a daily basis. Nothing I do is right. He treats me like I'm five years old, telling me when to eat, when to go to sleep, what to wear. My birthday was a few weeks ago and he wanted to buy me clothes but he wanted me to buy old lady clothes and Im only 31. The physical abuse hasn't happened since October but that is only because my 26 year old brother is living with us. He sees the way my husband treats me so he is going back to Kansas because he says that if he has to continue listening to the way my husband treats me he will end up in prison for killing him. I have asked him not to interfere to keep him from being kicked out but since he's leaving the physical part will start again. If I leave I could. But our 3 children love him, despite the way he treats me. My 10 year old is starting to see the way he really is and she lets me know how she feels. Anything can set him off, for example, one night he broke my $1300 laptop because he couldn't find a stick of gum. I am a good person and have never done anything in my life to deserve to be treated like this. My family never really knew what my life was like until my brother came here, but there really isn't anything anybody can do to help. My life has been hard since I was a child, every man that has ever been in my life has treated me badly and the one man in this world that is supposed to love me treats me like garbage.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2004
In reply to: hawkgal1
Tue, 06-27-2006 - 3:14am
your right...you have never done anything to deserve to be treated this way.. no matter who you are or what you may have done before, you dont deserve to be less than half a person...i know what u mean feeling like less than a person...i used to be a bubbly bright fun girl to be around and now im a shadow of who i used to be...while there are so many things to say that most ppl do say(i.e. just leave, your better than that, etc etc.) its not that easy as I know, you know and im sure all the women on here know as well...but there are shelters and groups that are designed to keep you and your children safe...and if ur child is seeing how he is to you, then u need to get out before it impacts them even more...when my mom left my dad she went to a shelter for women who also had a place called the crisis nursery which is where i spent 7 months of my life when i was 2 years old...while its not the best place for kids and women to be as its usually crowded and hey its not home, but its better than living in fear, pain, and being someone you dont recognize anymore...but as i said, this is easier said than done...but there are many resources available to you, and this board is always here to listen and help...
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
In reply to: hawkgal1
Tue, 06-27-2006 - 5:34am
When your brother goes, take the kids and go with him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2005
In reply to: hawkgal1
Tue, 06-27-2006 - 9:32pm

Hawk, you got a great suggestion from Geo.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2006
In reply to: hawkgal1
Tue, 06-27-2006 - 11:46pm
I have tried to leave four times and take my kids out of state. Every time I do I'm told that I have to be a resident of the jurisdiction I'm in for thirty days before they can do anything to help me. He hires a lawyer immediately to get the paperwork rolling to force me to bring them back. He also wastes no time in hiring a private investigator to find me. He harrasses my family to the point of insanity to tell him where I'm at. I know that if we got a divorce he would fight me for the children because we are just property. I'm trying to do some brainstorming on how to be free, but thinking about that part is scary too. Thank-you for your concern and support.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
In reply to: hawkgal1
Wed, 06-28-2006 - 10:39am

I have no idea where the police are getting this. If you were mugged, would you need to be a resident for 30 days before you can file a report??? I'm no lawyer, but that doesn't sound right.

Couple things. Check out www.womenslaw.org to see what is going on with this, and to see about custody issues. An abuser will most likely NOT get custody, but they like to scare their victims by claiming they will. It's another tactic. You might also try talking to the police in *your* state to see what they know about how to leave. I know that other people have contacted the police before they leave in order to prevent the ex trying to charge them with kidnapping, so this would seem to be along the same lines.

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