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| Tue, 06-27-2006 - 5:44pm |
Hey everyone. I'm new here... I got this info from a girl on another site I visit, and she said this forum helped her through a bad relationship.
I have been with my husband, with the exception of 2 months, for six years. It has been rocky since 6 months along. He first started showing signs of control then, when he threatened me into terminating an unplanned pregnancy. I was a wreck after that, and my self esteem disappeared. He also some how convinced me to abandon all of my friends (I really only have 1 friend now). But, I still married him. He cut me down all of thetime, nothing was ever good enough or right, and he would always say "it's because you are a {insert my maiden name}". He cheated on me the week we got back from our honeymoon. I finally got the courage to leave him at the start of 2004. I hired an attorney, convinced him to sell the house, and we were divorced in June. Problem was, my apartment I had rented fell through at the last minute and I had 48 hours to find another. The only place I found one was literally right across the street from him. We started hanging out again, the I realized my mistake and started dating someone else. My husband then did a 180 and started doing nice things, and soon enough we were back together. We got remarried 2 months after we divorced. He was pretty normal for awhile. I got pregnant (planned) and we moved out of state. I lost the baby at 27 weeks. His behavior changed again. He left me for a month last summer, and when he came back, I unexpectedly got pregnant again. I was thrilled, he wasn't. The name calling started again. I had our son a month ago, and since the baby was born, he has gotten worse. He hit me in the head 4 times a week ago and pushed me while I was holding the baby. Then today, he came home and was fine until he threw a blanket over the baby's head and I told him not to. He got on this rammage about how I am crazy, and he can do what he wants with his son (the same son he doesn't take care of) then he starts calling me a dumba**, and telling me he is going to teach our son to call me that instead of mom. He goes to leave, and when I refused to say "I love you", he started smacking me in the head. Then baby was sitting in my lap! I tried to pinch his arm to get him to stop, but he pinched me so hard he left a mark.
I know I should call the police, but I can't bring myself to do it. I would love to leave him, but he will fight me for custody, and I am afraid of the thought of leaving him alone with our son.
Sorry this is so long!

Welcome, mom.
The number one best reason you have to leave him is your son. If you stay, your son will grow up seeing this, and learn that it is an acceptable way to treat women. I know that that's not what you want for him.
Start small. Begin by contacting your local DV shelter. It should be accessible through the Yellow Pages in your phone book; if it isn't, some of the resources on our website (accessible through the link on the Start page) should be able to point you in the right direction. Don't let the custody thing scare you. Many, many abusers claim they will get custody, and it is unlikely that they will. As Gonna said, it's just another tactic. You CAN get out of this; it will just take time and work.