Leaving & feeling numb...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Leaving & feeling numb...
7
Wed, 10-25-2006 - 3:52pm

I have decided that Friday is the day my daughter (5 yrs.old) are going to leave. I feel sick and numb. My daughter said to me on the way home from picking her up that I should "zip it...zip it up...just zip" and I told her that she cannot speak to mama that way and she said "daddy says it to me and says "shut it" and "go away" and when he grabs my arm it hurts right to the bone". I didn't ask her anything...she just started talking. I am very careful about what I say in front of her, after all she is only a little girl!

I am sick in my heart that this has gone on...it is not only me hurting, but my baby too.

I have made plans with my parents to leave him on Friday. I called the abuse hotline suggested and they told me that I should be prepared to things to get really bad hard and fast! I am scared and sick, sick, sick. I am trying to hold myself together and act like nothing is happening or wrong so he won't know. I am just so scared.

The attorney that told me to leave would only take $2,900.00 and then the remaining $1,000.00 a month later. I don't have it. My mother said that I can go get a restraining order myself.

PLEASE HELP ME...I need advice badly!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2006
Wed, 10-25-2006 - 4:12pm

I am happy to hear that you realize that it is hurting you as well as your daughter. Just by what your daughter said is shocking. It really is sinking into her that it is normal for daddy to talk to mommy and me like that.

I am also happy to hear that you are going to your parents house. You will be safe there. Just really try and act normal for the next couple of days. It will be hard, but you don't want him to find out anything.

Yes, I agree that you should get a restraining order against him. It really can't hurt.

Just keep posting and venting. It really does help. This board is amazing... it was wonderful for me when I was splitting up with my ex and I am sure that you are finding it really helpful to come here and vent.

You are going thru a tough time, but it does get easier once you are out. Yes, it will be very hard I won't lie.. but it will get easier. "If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain" I love that saying, especially in your kind of situation.

One more thing... delete the history and the cookies off the computer. You don't want him to find this website.

Hugs to you!
Lauren

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Wed, 10-25-2006 - 4:19pm

I am at work. I do NOT get to use "his" computer at home and always delete the history IF I do use it. I don't know how to delete the "cookies"...it is an apple mac. Any input???

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2006
Wed, 10-25-2006 - 4:27pm

Well that's good that you're at work then.. He won't be there to check it out! I unfortunatley use a PC... so I don't know how to check on macs. Maybe macs don't have cookies... I have no clue? I'm sorry. Try not to stress about it.

Lauren

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2006
Wed, 10-25-2006 - 4:29pm

You know i'm so proud of your decision to leave. It's probably the hardest thing you will have to do but in the end you and your daughter will be much happier. You will have the chance to rebuild your lives together.

I think its very important to get that restraining order.

He probably will give you a hard time when you leave, because that is how abuser's are. but you need to be strong, for yourself and your daughter, whatever he says or does, stay strong. You are brave because of your experiences. It takes a lot of guts to end a bad relationship. you are going to do this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2006
Wed, 10-25-2006 - 4:39pm

Another very important thing if you abuser does happen to find out that you're leaving for any reason. He will say everything and anything to convince you to stay. He will say he will change, or he will die without you or he will kill himself or whatever!! Here is a list for you to check out:

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlmakeitstop&msg=11856.1&ctx=4096

My abuser did so many things on this list. Promising to change, said he would go to counselling, making apologies, saying he will be lost without me, threatening suicide, saying that I am abandoning him, turning VERY nice, getting his mom to talk to me to try and take him back.... wow.. that is a bunch from the list! Just beware in case he does say many of these things.

Also, this is the book that I am sure you have seen everyone recommeding. It really is an amazing book.. and I really think it is a great idea to get it after you leave. It really is an eye opener.

Lauren

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Wed, 10-25-2006 - 4:51pm
Thank you, but I really am quite scared and my stomach hurts so much!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2005
Thu, 10-26-2006 - 8:43pm

Nini, I'm just coming in on this Thursday night.