my update

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
my update
2
Sat, 10-28-2006 - 8:56am

Well, I packed up our clothing and essentials and went to my parents. I went (with my mother's support) and applied for a restraining order for me and my little girl. I was awarded one for my little girl...not for me. WHen I called the abuse hotline, they said that it matters greatly how you word things on the application. I am not about to make things seem different than they are. Contrary to what my husband says and thinks (that I am a liar) I DO NOT lie and will not lie just to cause problems.

Basically, he cannot physically restrain, assult or grab my daughter in any way. I will bring it to her school and show it to them on Monday. I spoke with a Susan B Anthony Counselor last night and she was very helpful because I had just spoken with him and he had just been served AND read my note AND saw the bills.

My husband was REALLY angry about the fact that his gun permit is going to be revoked while a restraining order is in effect. He thought they were going to confiscate his guns and I told him that he could give them to his dad (he can!). I don't feel I will need to renew the restraining order and may even drop it in November at the court hearing...I will have to get counsel on that point.

So he was really angry about the guns and then about the bills (but I knew he would be anyway). He didn't feel that he did anything wrong by yelling at me outside the garage on the 10/8 incident. He actually blamed me for everything!!! He asked me "What are you hoping to get out of this...the house?" or "so what do you want a divorce?", I was stunned and in shock and couldn't answer until he told me that "you know, you are not a 20 year old girl, you need to grow up sometime"...that triggered me and I told him that you don't speak to people you love like you speak to me. He said "yes you do". Well I just am very confused right now and feeling kind of lost in space. The SBA Center counselor invited me to their meeting (she was abused herself) so I will go on Wednesday and she was happy to be able to meet me.

THe support feels good while I feel so low right now.

Thank you so much everyone!!! I am certain that I will be back for much much more help!!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2006
In reply to: nini505
Sat, 10-28-2006 - 11:43am

Way to go Nini! You should be proud of yourself! :o)

I was actually going to suggest calling the abuse hotline to see what they say about the restraining order... but since yo already did that. I am happy to hear that at least you got one for your little girl. You know what, my abuser called me a liar our entire relationship. I have never been a liar, because I can't lie. I am horrible at it and my face can go red ... You aren't alone here. I hate that now I wonder if I actually am a liar? But I am not. Well it's good news for you that the gun permit is revoked eh?

Abusers never think that they ever do anything wrong. It will always be that way with abusers... they think everything they do it perfect!! also, they always blame something or someone else. I know that it wasn't your fault for the incident on 10/8 because I know how abusers are. They just twist everything around and we are at fault. not true!
AND.. no people that love each other DO NOT speak to each other like that!! I can't believe he said that, well actually I guess I'm not suprised becuase abusers are backwards. Good to hear that you're going to speak on Wednesday with someone. That really will help you out.

I seen your other post and just wanted to comment. You said that your H didn't even seem like he cared that you left. You know what, he wants you to feel like that. He is still taking you on a rollercoaster ride in my opinion. He wants you to feel like sh*t and for you to feel that he never cared. I wouldn't be suprised if down the road he ended up crying and saying how sorry he was... etc.

Keep on posting! You're doing good :)
Lauren

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
In reply to: nini505
Mon, 10-30-2006 - 9:13am
I'm glad to hear that at least you got one for your daughter- that is much better than nothing! Keep up the good work, you are doing well.
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