Need some Input...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Need some Input...
2
Mon, 10-30-2006 - 1:48pm

I believe that I will need to obtain a lawyer. I asked the Susan B. Anthony Center in my town and they said that I may qualify for legal aid and that I would have to speak with the attorney first. They took down my name and information and said that they would have him contact me.

I need advice on HOW to choose an attorney. The initial one I went for a free consultation with would require $2,900.00 deposit and then $1,000.00 the following month. He did say that I would most likely get some money back but that is to cover his & his paralegals fees. I really liked him too! His is considered the best in the area...I wish I could come up with the money, but I think it would take too long. :(

SBA Center suggested that I work out a deal with an attorney, but that is the only deal that particular attorney does. How do I find another one???

ALSO------

I found out that the gun permit is only revoked for the period of the restraining order. The court date is set for 11/6. If I don't show up, they will drop the order. If I do show up that will have the hearing for continuance of the ro.

I do not feel that while we are out of the house that he is a threat in any way. He only called me one time on Friday evening to tell me he recieved the r/o and was cold and calculating in his conversation. I'm scared of WHAT he is up to!!!!

He HAS grabbed our daughter's arm (many times) and she is now coming out with things...WOW I just didn't realize it affected her like this. :( Things like "when daddy grabs my arm, he stops my blood and I don't feel my fingers"...she is just turned 5 yrs old...what should I think???? what should I do???? Today she blurted out "why does daddy hate me?" and started to cry and say "why did you marry someone who yells so much".

WHAT DO I SAY TO HER?!?!?!? I tell her that daddy still loves her and that it is mommy who he is not happy with, not her. I purposely don't ask her about him grabbing her arm because I don't want to make her think about it too much.

I REALLY need advice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2006
Mon, 10-30-2006 - 4:09pm

Hi Nini,

I unfortunatley have never had to choose an attorney, so I can't really give you any advice on this.

I am very happy that you did leave.. just by what your daughter said of H.. it really did get to her. "I tell her that daddy still loves her and that it is mommy who he is not happy with, not her." I think you said the right thing to her. She won't understand any of it, so you need to be pretty brief - which seems like you are doing.

I want to suggest you go and post on the Domestic Abuse New Beginnings page. You will receive wonderful advice there. It's probably a good idea to still post on this board... the more posts you post the more responses.
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/listsf.asp?webtag=iv-rlmakeitstop&nav=start

Good Luck.
Lauren

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2006
Tue, 10-31-2006 - 8:28am

I am so glad you and DD are out and on your way to a new life! You're so strong for that, give yourself credit. I'm really sorry that finding the answers for DD is so confusing right now. But, I believe the longer you're away from the ex, the clearer your picture will become. You're little one is amazing, while you're concerned for her, she seems to be as strong as you. Her being open about this with you is good, she trusts in you. I'd be more concerned if she was keeping all of these questions to herself. Just be honest, don't take it personally when she asks you why you married him. Be honest, make sure she understands that how Daddy treated you in unacceptable, that's why you both had to leave. In my opinion (that's all it is) she is looking for confirmation, she did not deserve to be treated that way. If you are still concerned for her, maybe her pediatrician could recommend a counselor, or if she's in school, they should have one. Also, if she's in school it wouldn't hurt to fill them in on the situation.

You could just meet with the attorney, see if you like him/her. If you don't than worry about the $.You are doing the right thing for the 2 of you. Hang in there!!!