starting to hit me how traumatized I am

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2005
starting to hit me how traumatized I am
7
Tue, 10-31-2006 - 6:44pm

I am starting to really realize just how traumatized I am by the events of this past weekend, especially that my HUSBAND...a guy who is SUPPOSED to love and cherish me..really doesn't care. He berated me while I was having a migraine..unable to move while lying on the bed, crying from the pain and all he cared about was calling me an fing btch and harassing me, accusing me of lying about the pain I was in to try to get out of "talking" to him...then begging me to stay in the next breath...

Dang at least growing up my mother was more neglectful than anything. I can handle that. This...this TORTURE from someone who says he loves me...is so much worse.

I know it doesn't compare to getting beat so bad I'm in the hospital, or having a gun waived in my face or raped but it's traumatizing all the same.

I've never felt more fragile in my life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2006
Tue, 10-31-2006 - 11:03pm

Ya it is pretty clear that he is very selfish and just doesn't really think about your feelings. Like does he really think you are lying about the pain and crying for no reason? Abusers minds are sooo f'ed up. He probably just thought that you wanted attention for him and he wasn't going to give it to you... and he was going to be mean to you anyways. You are not an f-ing bitch okay. You are a strong woman. He doesn't deserve to have someone like you. I have read many times that healing emotional abuse takes longer than healing physical abuse. The bruises aren't on the outside that heal quickly. They are on the inside burried deep deep down. It takes a long time to heal.

Lauren

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2003
Tue, 10-31-2006 - 11:39pm

Hey Joy -


I know you hurt right now.

Blueliner4
(aka The Pixie Princess)

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2006
Wed, 11-01-2006 - 10:41am
I was previously in a physically abusive relationship, and honestly, the pain from the emotionally abusive one I'm in now is just as bad, if not worse to me. Hitting is at some point anyway, obviously wrong. Put downs and name calling and a lack of affection and consideration, it kind of catches up to you. It's so much harder to define as abuse. I went on anxiety med and for panic, thinking it was hereditary. After a while my counselor informed me that she felt my anxiety was a result of my relationship. Can you get some counseling? You need to have a support system, you need acceptance from people that can appreciate you (like here), to help realize that he is THE PROBLEM!!! You have done nothing to deserve this. I agree, it feels like torture, it is. Hope you are feeling a little better. Take care!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2006
Wed, 11-01-2006 - 11:13am

Hey Blueliner. I can't believe some of the stuff your abuser did you you. Mostly just emotional type stuff... But really? Doesn't care about you getting Diabetes, only about how much it costs. I sometimes forget how abusers are... and I sometimes forget what my abuser did. Like when I had to get my wisdom teeth out and my mom wanted to come and visit me for the weekend. He woulnd't let her come and stay at the house with me. He turned it all around on him saying he didn't feel comfortable with her sleeping on the couch and our place was too small for 3 people. I tried to talk to him about it to try and change his mind, but everytime it was I told you I am done with talking about it. Didn't matter about me at all... it was all about him! I tried to stand up for myself so many times to get him to change his mind, but it just didn't work. He wanted me to go stay in a hotel with my mom because he wouldn't let her stay at the house. Wow... now I can see so many red flags, but at the time I sure didn't.

Sorry... that kind of turned into a vent.
Lauren

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2003
Wed, 11-01-2006 - 10:51pm

Yeah, Nerfy was quite the piece of work, but his mother took the cake!


Wishful's got my story on the survivor's page.

Blueliner4
(aka The Pixie Princess)

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2005
Fri, 11-03-2006 - 5:32pm

Joy, and Blue, you're really bringing home to me how physical abuse can be hard to recognize.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2006
Fri, 11-03-2006 - 6:49pm

Learned at my appt today that migraines are a symptom of abuse sometimes, just like my anxiety and panic can be related to abuse.

Take care, you'll find your way. Lots of hugs!