Recognizing Signs or Overly Sensitive?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2003
Recognizing Signs or Overly Sensitive?
3
Wed, 11-01-2006 - 12:48pm
Hi,
I have been in two violent relationships before and I am still having a very hard time in judging what behavior is ok and what is a sign of someone who will abuse me later. I have been dating someone for about five months. In the very beginning, he always insulted me, and I told him that I didn't like it. He finally got the idea, and he doesn't do it anymore. But I have noticed that he insults his two daughters(I just met them two months ago). He calls them idiots, morons, a@#hole, repulsive, fat, etc. He said to his 10 year old - hey moron, are your shoes on yet? and I said, don't call your daughter a moron, and he repeated the same exact phrase louder. Are there people who exist that don't mind being called such names? I am not one of them. Am I just too sensitive, like everyone says? Is it even worth talking to him about, and seeing if he will stop, or am I dating someone who will later treat me the same or worse? I would really appreciate your input. And is there a website where I can get information on what a normal, healthy relationship looks like, because I can't seem to figure it out.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2006
Wed, 11-01-2006 - 1:05pm
Previously in a physically abusive relationship myself, now an emotional one. I chalked some of my feelings in this relationship up to the past. I was wrong. That's just awful, calling his girls those names, that IS hurtful to them. I wouldn't consider you overly sensitive, but aware! I don't know much, I'm figuring things out here myself. In my opinion though, it could get worse. I know my situation didn't get bad until we lived together, than I was dependent on him. Just something to consider, if you guys did get serious and had kids, would you want their father to call them fat and repulsive? I wish I knew where to find what a relationship should be. Couples will always have differences, I know eventually I will settle for nothing less than a respectful one. The way my counselor put it to me was that I had found the exact same package in a different wrapper. This guy probably seems better, he's not hitting you. Do you feel good around him? Since he's stopped insulting you, are there any other ways that don't make you feel good about yourself? Can you be completely honest and open with him? Good luck! I'm so glad you found the strength to leave those other relationships.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Thu, 11-02-2006 - 11:01am

It sounds like a very, very bad sign to me. My experience has made me ultra-sensitive to these types of things, and I would walk away now, before it gets worse. There is simply no excuse for treating your children like that - and it does not bode well for his ability to treat people with respect, including you. I think that's what it comes down to - respect. You can have disagreements and even get angry and yet still act in a respectful way. If he's that bad with his kids, I believe that's enough reason to leave right there. But in all likelihood, it will transfer over to you eventually. Do not second guess yourself! Trust your instincts. Your concerns are valid and you know what to look out for. Now it's just a matter of acting on it.

Good luck and hugs,

Deborah

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2006
Thu, 11-02-2006 - 3:25pm

Hi Honeee..... Welcome to the board :o)

To me this man sounds very immature... and sounds abusive to me. I would definitley be on the lookout. Why calls their daughter a moron? Red Flag! If he calls them morons, what is he going to call you down the road? Remember that abusers are very sensitive and caring and charming in the beginning. I would really be on the lookout. Oh, and I don't think you are overly sensitive at all, because it would really bother me too.

Here is the board website for you to look at. There is some warning lists and checklists to see if you are in an abusive relationship.

http://cl-wishful78.tripod.com/RDAHomePage.cfm

Lauren

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