Very Depressed
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Very Depressed
| Thu, 11-02-2006 - 7:29am |
Sorry- I just don't know where to post.
I know I've posted and you all must think I am crazy.
I don't want to break up with him- even with all the stupid things I know to be true.
In the past I might have read a post like this and just rolled my eyes- but here I am-
I seem to be in the middle of some sort of depression- I haven't done anything with my life- I don't feel very worthy- and he is- he has done stuf with his life- alot of stuff.
He has put together a successful business by himself and I feel like a loser. I do not have a skill to capitalize on and I am not very motivated to do anything other than work my job.
I just wish I knew what I wanted.
I just wish I had some strength- i know this road I am on is not good for me but I just can't see any other.
I feel so absolutely alone- and worhtless and sad.
and stupidly whiny- sorry guys I just needed to vent.
Thanks-
I know I've posted and you all must think I am crazy.
I don't want to break up with him- even with all the stupid things I know to be true.
In the past I might have read a post like this and just rolled my eyes- but here I am-
I seem to be in the middle of some sort of depression- I haven't done anything with my life- I don't feel very worthy- and he is- he has done stuf with his life- alot of stuff.
He has put together a successful business by himself and I feel like a loser. I do not have a skill to capitalize on and I am not very motivated to do anything other than work my job.
I just wish I knew what I wanted.
I just wish I had some strength- i know this road I am on is not good for me but I just can't see any other.
I feel so absolutely alone- and worhtless and sad.
and stupidly whiny- sorry guys I just needed to vent.
Thanks-

Thank you cschristiaa-
I talked with a friend this morning and she said to me that this just isn't me- that seeing me go through what I am going through is more like watching a bad movie on tv. she continues to be patient and supportive. I feel for you and what you are going through too and thank you for responding so I know there are others out there.
you said you are just beginning to find yourself again- how are you doing this?
i still find myself disbelieving of how bad i can feel and i realy want to feel better.
my frined said to figure out what i want, make a game plan and do it and i will feel better at the end once i'm where i wanted to be- i just don't even now what i want now- i want to sleep through the night wihtout being scared- i want to not have to walk on eggshells- wonder how much it is he is going to drink- only to have one fabulous day that makes me want to stay. sigh
First of all, you can post here as much as you like or need to. I do not think you are crazy one bit, and I really doubt anyone here thinks you are crazy. You are going thru a really tough time right now, but you will get thru it.
Why don't you want to break up with him? Just wondering what your reasons are. What would you tell someone if they came to you with this exact situation. Have you gone to see anyone to see if you are depressed? I would think it would be worthwhile for you.
You are not a loser!! Not at all!! Yes, he might have done things with his life, but he has done a lot of bad stuff with his life too. Firstly, he had an affair. You can't trust him. If I remember the last post right, he is married? Where is his wife all this time?
We all go thru a time in our life where it's just a deadend. We have no idea what we want or where we want to go. That does pass, and eventually another road it out there it just might take awhile to find it.
Hugs. Lauren
"I don't know if he will like it, my H asked me after meeting with a man counselor if I had F'ed him yet." *** I am not suprised by that. My abuser would question me after going for a Pap test!! Like really. My abuser was very jealous and it was so frustrating. The one thing that really pissed me off... He got severly angry at me when he seen a picture of me dancing with a guy at a wedding. He brought that picture up every fight we had, even on one of last times we talked....... He really didn't get over anything!!
Lauren
Boy does that comment sound familiar!
The one about the doctor.
I'm not sure about counseling or medication right now. Money is really tight- but I did call a counseler to get an idea of cost yesterday. They suggested I find out if insurance covers it.
The ironic things is that my boyfriend majored in behaviorism, is very familiar with psychology and has been a clinical hypnotherapist. And the thing is- he is so good with animals too. he has such a soft spot for them and can have endless patience with them and I don't undersatnd the incongruence between his behavior with me and with them- I haven't figured out yet what it is about them that inspires patience where I don't.
Yesterday was a good day- you know? well mostly good until he got drunk and needed to review every past experience I have ever had with another man- Oh delight-
But for awhile I thought- gosh what was I getting so bent out of shape for? what's worng with me? but you know- I read about the comments your H made and I know that he has that streak that runs through men...I hate it.
In any event I am not so depressed today-
Thank you so much for responding.
OMG.... I went thru the exact same thing all the time with my abuser about past experience with men. It was horrible! He wanted me to show him with my hands how big the biggest guy I slept with was. Why? What is the point? So you can get all pissy at me and throw a hissy fit? YUP.. that is sure what happened. It was brought up many times, and it was always the same. Sorry if I can't remember!! I didn't bring a ruler out and measure you know..... AHHHH... makes me mad just writing it at how stupid that was... and how jealous he got and pretty much blamed me for telling him (of course)
Lauren
"I haven't figured out yet what it is about them that inspires patience where I don't."
Honey, please do not compare yourself to a dog in an attempt to try to figure out why this man holds it together when he does.
Please look around, there should be a county mental health counseling serivice that charges on a sliding scale, domestic counseling is free through certain churches and organizations. It is important to focus on you right now, not how you can save the relationship. Some anti-anxiety/anti-depressants are available in generic form. Trust me, for me anyway, it's helped me get back on track and put things in perspective, I was buried up to my neck, suffocating in what he made me feel was wrong with me.
My H didn't major in, but took a psych and abnormal psych class, and once commented that he could condition someone, well he has. I'm a dog, one of Pavlov's dogs. Drinking is seperate from control, he may use it as an excuse. Regardless, drinking is no reason to treat you poorly. You are not the reason for his lack of control with you. Think a minute... How many people have ticked you off, how many times have you pyhsically or verbally assaulted them? These guys function at work and around others, but we get the abuse.
It's them. We've only tried to make them happy, they won't be. Hope to hear back from you soon!