He invades every area of my life....
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| Sat, 11-04-2006 - 10:11am |
I am feeling kind of low so I thought I would post.....
First I feel like he has just taken over my life. He and my mom rented an apartment in my town!!! I guess he is paying for it. I know nothing about it and I don't want to know. I think whoever needs to use it for the night does, my mom has her own house in another state.
I have talked to a counselor on and off for years. She is almost like a big sister to me. Well - he went and talked to her without me - and I said it was okay he could do that. Well he told her that I would never, ever leave. He doesn't think I will ever, ever leave this house. (Note he is not staying in the house with me, but technically this house is in his name).
My friend - who is a certified counselor - said that as long as she has known me (about ten years) she has never seen me so scattered. She thinks I just need to get out. I am in NY and am thinking of going to Florida. My daughter is one. What is holding me back???? First I guess I somehow feel some kind of loyalty to him - like he should be able to see his daughter whenever he wants. Second, I feel so incapable of anything. Third, I do have friends here, did have interests here. I say I did have interests because I am so messed up and every time I tried to do something for myself he somehow took that away from me - played games with the babysitting, completely discouraged me from doing anything.
Anyway, thanks for listening.....

Hi. Sorry it's taken so long to get back to you. It seems really odd to me about the whole apartment thing? Weird. It is wonderful that you have been going to the same counsellor for so long... but with him saying that you will never ever leave.. hmmm. He just doesn't think you are strong enough and have enough courage to pack up and leave. But he is wrong. When you are ready, you will prove him wrong! You really need to think that if your counsellor thinks you are very scattered right now, then you probably are. She has known you for years. She can see all the damage that he is doing to you. I think it's a great idea to head down to Florida. If you were to stay in the same town as him, he would probably suck you back in. (Not your fault, that is just what abusers do) I think that if you are going to leave him, then you need to go far enough away that he won't bother you. I guess it does make it a whole lot harder with your daughter. Does he even want to spend time with her now? Did he used to spend time with her? Just curious if he will switch around when you try and leave with your daughter and he turns all chipper, and you can't take my daughter away... even if he never showed he cared about her.
Anyways.... keep you chin up.
Lauren