Making Progress!
Find a Conversation
| Tue, 11-07-2006 - 4:39pm |
Hi, everyone-
Just checking in to say I saw a counselor today who specializes in DV. Since it was the first app't, I spent alot of time filling her in on my situation. Since I'm not at a real low point in my life right now, I was able to get through most of it w/out bawling (not that that is such a bad thing, but I've done plenty, and it left me more time to fill her in).
It's very, VERY important to me that she validated something that I heard last week when I got up the courage to ask a legal advocate. Apparently, the laws here in MO are NOT favorable towards women who have been emotionally abused, the the effect that has on the children. MO is very favorable towards both parents sharing custody, co-parenting- that type of thing. So it is IMPERATIVE that I try to get DH to move with me to PA, where the laws are friendlier to the abused spouse, or that I try to "move ahead" with the kids while he ties things up here, so that I can establish residency there (still have to find out how long I have to be there to establish residency). Unfortunately, this means I have to put up with him for a while longer, because if he files here in MO before I do, or if I file here, chances are that I will be stuck here until my kids are of legal age (my youngest is 2!)
So, right now I need to focus on the little things I can control- decluttering the house, packing, painting- getting the house ready to sell. Then, after the holidays, I'll look into getting an independent appraisal on the house, lining up a realtor, and finding out what absolutely must be done in order to get the house sold. Put the house up in early March, and pray that it sells quickly, and that we get enough for it to pay off the mortgage, and that DH doesn't turn down every offer we get in order to sabotage this move like I think he will. If he does sabotage, at least I will have it documented that this was the plan, and he foiled it. If worst comes to worst, I'll have to leave with the kids for "vacation", and not come back. Scary, scary...
I'm disappointed that I can't just leave, but in all honesty, would I do that anyway? I'm not sure. It's just with all the reading of the books, and the posts, I'm sooo much more aware of the abuse, and sooo sensitive to it. But I've put up with him for 20 years, surely I can do it for another 6-8 months. Not crazy about "deceiving" him either, but if I could say "look- I'm done with you. I'm taking the kids and moving back home. If you feel like it's in your best interest to stay here, then you do that.", I would. But I can't- he'd turn it into a power struggle from the word go. It's in me and my children's best interest to be back home with all of our family and emotional support, and I'm going to do what I need to do to make sure that happens.
Thank you for all of your advice and support- I will be sticking around. Please pray I stay strong and focused....
Beth

I am so happy to hear that you went to a counsellor. That is great, and you are making baby steps. Just take it one day at a time. That is hard to do, but try not to think about what am I going to do... etc. Cross that bridge when you get to it. Keep your chin up and keep seeing that counsellor. Keep lurking and posting on here as well. It really does help to talk to other women that have and are going thru the same thing that you are.
Hugs. Lauren