It's the little things.....
Find a Conversation
| Wed, 11-08-2006 - 4:41pm |
It's funny how much more aware I've become since reading the book "Why Does He Do That", and reading everyone's posts....
For over a year now, DH has gotten into the habit of chewing gum or eating smarties or hard candy right before going to bed. He brings whatever he will eat up to the bedroom each night. Now I am by NO MEANS a fastidious housekeeper, especially when it comes to our bedroom, but I do clean it occasionally. I think it was after Halloween LAST year that I noticed all of these gum & candy wrappers on the floor by his side of the bed, so I picked them up and put them in the trash can in our room. Next time, I decided to move the trash can over by his side of the bed. Next time, I noticed they were still there, and I cleaned them up, but I was puzzled. Maybe he didn't notice that the wastebasket was on his side of the bed, so I moved it into a more prominent spot. Didn't matter- next time they were still there on the floor, waiting to be picked up. So THIS time I moved the wastebasket right beside his bed, so, in other words, all he had to do was move his arm to the side and drop, and it would fall right in. You guessed it, next time there were still wrappers all over. Ever since then I kind of gave up, would ignore it if I felt like it, to see how bad it was going to get, but he never picked them up. Sometimes it gets to me and I pick them up. It just depends.
OK- I do have a point. LAst night- he was eating a tootsie pop, and I was trying to sleep. My eyes were closed, and I heard a "ping!" My eyes snapped open- it wasn't that loud, but it was enough to startle me a little. He was looking at me, and when I opened my eyes, he was like "Ooops- sorry!"
And that's when it hit me. We have a HUGE California King Waterbed, and it's high off the ground, too. He sleeps in the middle, and squishes me over to my side. He's too lazy to move over to his side, and drop it into the can. He just launches it from the middle of the bed, and wherever it lands, it lands. It's all about control. The MAID (me) will get to it sooner or later, and whatever attemps I made to make it easier for him are contemptable. I guess in his mind, I need to get up out of bed each night when he's finished with his snack and throw the wrapper out myself.
How INSANE is that? And to think, all this time I was wondering what the problem was, as if it was something I needed to do to make it right. UNBELIEVABLE!!!
LOL- Beth

Ha.. that is pretty stupid that he does that. He probably just knows that it will piss you off, that is why he continues to throw the wrappers all over the floor. He also knows that you will pick it up and he will never have to! Weird!!
Lauren
Beth - VERY typical of emotional abusers. The book your reading from what I hear is good.
I just finished with Co-Dependant no More. Which is excellent in terms of enabling me to "DETACH" myself from him .. He became an extension of me, I gave all of myself to him, now he's no longer a part of me.. how freeing.
(me and my EA are broken up by the way, very recently 3 weeks in)
I thought of this when I read your post: My ex would BITCH about how the apartment was never clean. Of course, I was the one cleaning it ALL THE TIME. EVERYTHING, down to vacuuming, scrubbing.. But I enjoyed it on the weekends as part of my weekend "ritual".. I only asked that he helped mantain it during the week. Hence, he never did: his clothes ALWAYS on the floor, his dishes always in the sink, i mean it was UNBELIEVABLE!
Well, after we've broken up I stopped by the apt. to get some stuff and to my surprise it was completley clean, spotless. He made a whole big to-do about how he cleans, and it's so clean now that I'm gone. I just had to laugh - what a big dummy. He only cleans now to prove a point to me - i wasn't good enough. Yet, of course the truth is he is SCREWED UP in his head, heart, everything. He's such a jerk!
I bet if your H was alone he wouldn't throw the wrappers anymore either. He's just seeing HOW FAR YOU WILL GO. That's part of the high Narcisssistic people get off making other people be their "ploys"
By the way check out www.drirene.com for some GREAT information on EA and the tricks they use.
Good luck ((((Hugs))))
Thanks for your replies- it's just so funny how they are about certain things!
Another example: he "claimed" the half bath off of the bedroom when we moved in, so it's his. Well, we have a total of 2- half baths and 1 full, so I get overwhelmed. I told him I thought he should clean his own bathroom, since it's him that uses it and I have enough to do. Of course, what I say means nothing, and he would never clean it. Well- I would do it sometimes, just to be nice, or if my mom was coming to visit and I thought there was a chance she would see it (embarrassed because it was DISGUSTING!) But still he never would clean it. So finally I had to make a game of it (sigh- the games we play!) I said to myself, well- I am not cleaning it. Since he uses it every day, eventually it will be so disgusting that he will HAVE to clean it.
I swear that must've been at least 1 & 1/2 to 2 years ago. The bathroom has NOT been cleaned. It's so nasty that if I have go in there for some reason, I want to puke!
But, of course I think I am losing, because the bathroom is of course over by my side of the bed, and I think it stinks so badly now that I have to shut the door to the bathroom when I go to sleep. I might have to clean it......
LOL- Beth
Just wondering....
Okay bathroom 1 is his right? What about bathroom 2 and 3. I bet he can use every bathromm he wants, but he won't let you use bathroom 1. He expects you to clean bathroom 2 and 3 and maybe even his! BUT he will never clean any of them. I am just thinking this, because that is usually the way abuser think. I can do whatever I want, but you can't. Like if my abuser said I couldn't go out with friends to the bar, but he could whenver he wanted to.
Anyways, that's just a bit of a ramble. They are so unfair and selfish!!!!!!
Lauren