is it abuse

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2006
is it abuse
6
Thu, 11-09-2006 - 5:57pm
hi my b.f pinches me really hard and pushes me into walls. he never has punced me or anything but he has threw his cell fone at me and punched me in the stomach softly. i dont know whether this is petty bickering or not.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2006
Thu, 11-09-2006 - 6:09pm

Welcome Anom_Goddess :o)

Yes, I believe that this falls into abuse. The thing about abuse is that there are many shapes and forms. Emotional, Verbal, Sexual, Physical and even Financial. Him pinching you, pushing you into walls, throwing things at you is all abuse to me. Does he yell at you and call you bitch or tells you to F-Off? Do you feel yourself walking on eggs shells to try and not make him mad?

I suggest you check out this website (The board website) There is loads and loads of information on there.
http://cl-wishful78.tripod.com/RDAHomePage.cfm

Lauren

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2006
Thu, 11-09-2006 - 6:13pm
thankyou lauren. yea he does i admit i shout back at him after that he explodes calling me the b word. when he was drunk one nite in town i said hi to a few guys and he started calling me whore and words like that for saying hi to them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2006
Thu, 11-09-2006 - 6:22pm

Okay, then yes I do really think you are in an abusive relationship.

There is the abuse cycle. It goes from the 'hearts and flowers' stage onto the build-up stage to the explosion. This cycle will repeat over and over with abuser, until the victim puts a stop to it and leaves. In the hearts and flowers stage you will hear the I'm so sorry, that will never happen again and he might give you gifts. See if you can notice a pattern in your relationship.

Nobody deserves to be called a bitch or a wh*re!! Nobody does okay. No matter what you do. For saying HI to a couple guys, why does that make you a wh*re? It doesn't!! My abuser was extremly jealous and he always called me a bitch or a wh*re and always told me to F-off and that he hated me... Nice eh? I did not deserve that. Nobody does not matter what the guy says.

How long have you been with him for? Do you live together?

Keep posting on the board... and lurking too. It will really help you to realize that you aren't alone out there and there are many many women going thru the same thing you are.

Hugs. Lauren

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2006
Thu, 11-09-2006 - 6:41pm
awww thanks lauren. he does say soory afterwards but he doesnt buy my stuff afterwards though. we did live together for 2 monts and we have only been goin out for 3 and a half months. It defintly sounds like you have been in a similar situation did you get out? he does other stuff too like make comments abourt girls on t.v like woa and it just makes me feel dumb.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2006
Thu, 11-09-2006 - 7:08pm

My abuser didn't really buy me stuff after.... but some of them do. He cried and cried and apologized over and over. That is abuse. It just takes you on a rollcoaster ride. That is what it feels like.. just up and down with these stupid men.

I was with my boyfriend for about a year and a half.. after about 8 months, I moved in with him. From then it just went downhill. I moved out in July. He was the classic abuser. It was emotional/verbally abuse. He never hit me, but I am positive that if I stayed any longer then yes it would have gone to physical. He threw things a lot too.

Well you are still very early on in your relationship. I strongly advise that you get out while it is still in it's early stages. I know this will be very hard for you. If someone told me to leave, I would probably just see the good in my abuser, not the bad. But please for you sake, look at the bad and see abuse and say that you don't deserve that and get out. I wish I did sooner.

Lauren

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2006
Fri, 11-10-2006 - 10:34am
Anybody who lays their hands on you in anger or in an aggressive manner is showing control and abuse. Abuse escalates over time, it doesn't get better - it gets worse. Before you are too invested in this situation, it would be a wise idea for you to move on and leave this guy behind. If he is doing this after only a few months, you better imagine what it will be like in five or ten years.