Update..saw counselor yesterday

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2005
Update..saw counselor yesterday
3
Thu, 11-16-2006 - 10:31am

Well, the 1st of Nov. Dh came home late from work. Called and said he'd decided to take my advice and spend more time with his sick father. I reminded him we needed to go to Walmart for diapers/wipes and a few other things and he said he'd be home shortly. An hour and a half later he finally got home. Insisted that we go as a family to shop together. He went and checked his wallet in front of me, and I noticed he had a little cash, which he doesn't usually use. Usually we just use the debit card. I joked "didja clear out the bank account or what?" He laughed a little and said "sort of." Long story short - after not leaving me alone all day, making the comment at one point when talking about the cost of the glasses I need that "stick with me and I'll buy you anything" - that night he says he has to tell me something. Then he hits me with that he took all the money out of the bank and put it into an account at another bank in his name only. Supposedly because I'm so financially irresponsible, and his dad wants him to do it so he's just trying to appease his dying father.

The morning of the 2nd, I went to the doc about a lump in my breast. They think it's just fibrocystic changes, but I'll have an ultrasound and while they're at it since I'm about to be 31, they'll do a baseline mammogram for the future. Got home that morning, told Dh I just wanted to be alone for awhile and he started in wanting to talk about the $ and then said he wanted to turn in the modem for the cable internet. So I've been without internet for the past two weeks. Got it back on yesterday, mostly I think because he doesn't want to deal with the kids' whining.

Other than that, the past two weeks have pretty much been quiet. No..wait...there was a huge fight over my friend deciding to send me a prepaid cell phone...

I haven't had the money or the gas in the van to really do anything. I had to take DD(5) to the dentist on the 3rd, so I stopped by local women's shelter's office but they can't help me because it's more mental abuse than anything.

Oh, did I mention that Dh made it a point to tell me he has a lawyer already?

So I went yesterday to see the counselor. Dh got mad because I made an appointment to see her myself instead of joint counseling for our marriage, but got over it. Counselor flipped when I caught her up on everything that's been going on since we last saw her in July. She's supportive of me ending things, says she thinks I can get a restraining order, should have the locks on the house changed and kick him out (no money to do that), was a little mad that I didn't call the police when Dh broke the TV and said I let too much slide way too easily, said my mother is right (mother said to kick him out, get restraining order, put kids in school and get a job)...then it was time to schedule another appointment which I have for the 4th of December.

In the meantime I'm planning to go today or tomorrow and enroll the kids in school, much as it kills me. I'll be looking for a job too once I can arrange for childcare for DD(3). That's about all I can do right now other than try to keep things calm here when he is home.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2006
Thu, 11-16-2006 - 4:19pm

Hi Joyfull.. That is nice of your friend wanting to send you the prepaid cell phone. Who was the fight between? You and your H or you and your friend? I am suprised that the shelter can't help you because it is more mental abuse!! What! That is suprising to me. So they will only help people that are in physically abusive relationships? Just because it's mental (emotional/verbal) abuse does not mean it isn't serious. I am glad you went and seen the counsellor by yourself. Good Job! Keep your chin up.

Lauren :o)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2005
Fri, 11-17-2006 - 8:18am
The fighting was mostly Dh giving me a hard time that friend sent the phone and him giving friend a hard time for sending it. He kept trying to get me to send the phone back but it's a gift to me. I didn't really fight back, I just kept telling him I was keeping it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2006
Fri, 11-17-2006 - 12:00pm

The reason that he wanted you to send the phone back is because he sees the phone as a threat. He doesn't want you to have any help or contact with anyone else. That is what abusers are like. He wants to own you and control you and tell you what to do. He sees that you are getting stronger and he doesn't like it.

Lauren

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