Restraining Order and Divorce Paper
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| Fri, 11-17-2006 - 11:43pm |
Hello Everyone,
I am so depressed today. i feel so terrible that i got a restraining order against my STBX. He has been away and has not been served yet, but he is going to be very upset. I just don't know how he would have reacted when he is served the divorce papers. His behavior has been so irratic and he is not going to be happy. He told the children that he would be home late Saturday night. What am i going to do? I am not going to be able to sleep that night. Will the police come and serve him? Even at midnight. Should i tell him.
I feel bad that it has come to this. I just don't trust him. He has never hit me, but his behavior has been so unpredictable i don't know how he will behave. The last time we were separated and he received the proposed custody agreement, he told me that he would burn my truck in the driveway and told me that i would pay for what i was doing and that i started a war.
I am so nervous now. Did i make a mistake? Should i have just filed the divorce papers and not the restraining order. I now it is too late, but i am so nervous.
Why do i feel this way? I was so sure this was what i needed to do. Why do i feel so lousy.
I am just afraid that i took it too far.
Maddy

Hi Maddy,
Yes, your STBX will be upset, but you know what... you have been upset for TOO long. This was the right thing to do. He hurt you. end of story.
You don't trust him.. also meaning that you never will trust him. Trust is one of the most important parts in any relationship. You did the right thing. I am behind you 100%. Just becuase he hasn't hit you doesn't mean that you won't. If you stay any longer then it will eventually lead to physical abuse. My abuser never hit me. He threw things and broke numerous things. If I stayed any longer I am sure he would have hit me. You STBX is threatening you to try and make you stay and not get the divorce papers(the last time) He is trying to scare you. That is all it is. Another example would be threatening to commit suicide, or I am so sorry i will never hurt you again. They are all lies. My abuser said he would commit suicide, but guess what? Never happened. It is a threat and that is all.
You did not make a mistake. I have NEVER heard or anyone saying they made a mistake by leaving their abuser. I have heard numerous times that people wish they left sooner. But never did I hear someone say they made a mistake. You did the right thing. You needed to get the RO and the divorce papers. You did the right thing and I am proud of you :o)
I felt lousy when I told my abuser I couldn't do it anymore. Living with them for so long, they make us feel guilty. That is why we feel bad. Maybe you feel that you are going behind your H's back and it is the wrong thing to do because HE wouldn't want you to do that.
I will tell you a million times that you did the right thing. You are on your way to a better life. Away from the heartache and the pain that your husband has caused you. That is not what a husband is there for. A husband is there to love you and care for you and to not hurt you.
Lauren
Good Luck