messed up again!
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messed up again!
| Tue, 11-21-2006 - 2:02pm |
i totally screwed up again! I stayed away from abuser for about a month but then he contacted me and I took his call. So for a couple of weeks it was slow going, but okay.
but that didn't last long. I needed his help in moving something to my new place and he totally flipped out on me. yelling, telling me I am playing games and being a typical woman. This all happened on my cell phone today during lunch break at work. I sat there in shock. don't ask why I was shocked. but I was. thinking that maybe things would be normal now. I slept with him twice this weekend and thought things were going to be good and normal. HA! I bawled my eyes out over the rest of my lunch break. I feel so alone. It really dawned on me most of the reason I couldn't' or can't leave. cause I have no support around me. I need support and help. I am adult, yet I have trouble doing certain things on my own.
but that didn't last long. I needed his help in moving something to my new place and he totally flipped out on me. yelling, telling me I am playing games and being a typical woman. This all happened on my cell phone today during lunch break at work. I sat there in shock. don't ask why I was shocked. but I was. thinking that maybe things would be normal now. I slept with him twice this weekend and thought things were going to be good and normal. HA! I bawled my eyes out over the rest of my lunch break. I feel so alone. It really dawned on me most of the reason I couldn't' or can't leave. cause I have no support around me. I need support and help. I am adult, yet I have trouble doing certain things on my own.

I am going to stay positive okay. At least you were away from him for a month. You got the feeling of life without him around... and isn't it great? Have you thought about going to a counsellor or joining a support group. I really think the support group would help you out if you don't have other support around you (Family, friends) Oh, it might not be the same, but you have my support.. and support from this board.
I relied on my abuser for a little while after I left him. We didn't speak for about a month, then all of a sudden I was seeing him, talking to him, sleeping with him and relying on him. I relied on him to help me fix my car... but it came crashing down. I am fine with that. It needed to come crashing down, or it wouldn't have stopped. I made a mistake in seeing him after we split.... but I learned from it. In some weird way, everything happens for a reason... even if I don't know what that is now? You aren't alone. I have now been away from him for awhile and I couldn't be happier.
Lauren
Okay, you did not totally screw up! You've been away for a month, that's hard and quite the accomplishment! I also felt some responsiblity cause I slept with H. I felt like I had lost some of the ground I had been standing for.
Honey, I have 6 kids, and I wonder how in the heck I'll do this on my own! You have support here, we all understand. We'll all find our way, and fortunately (while unfortuntate) there are others here that have overcome the same struggles as us. We will find our way!
I started on this board determined to post the positive and not reveal my weakness. You are way stronger than I. I've never been away for more than a day. I have never done a lot of things for myself. I've never registered a car in my name, never held medical for the kids, so many things are rushing at me. But, we all deserve the chance to try.
You're not alone, so not alone. A woman I provided child care for, and one I currently do, my cousin, we are all in the same boat! I've mentioned the board to them, but they haven't come. You're here, we support you. You support us. Given the chance, take away the fear, we can do it!
Best wishes ans prayers,
Carrie
this problem is bigger than me and I need as much support around me as I can get. This type of situation has been going on for a year now (even though we have been off and on for close to 7 years), beginning last Christmas, it seems there has been this ongoing emotional rollercoaster happening. . . . we get along for a month or two, then break up for a month. Then it all starts all over again. All this past year this has been continuing. Why I thought things would be different this time . . . who knows. all I know is that I have that feeling of having the rug ripped out from under me again. tomorrow is thanksgiving and he has ruined every holiday that I can remember, for many years. Why? I pray that I get a contact soon regarding a support group. Part of me just cannot accept that the relationship I am trying to leave is bad because I guess I want to believe that there is hope for it. and yet there isn't.