Why do I feel so helpless?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2004
Why do I feel so helpless?
1
Wed, 11-22-2006 - 9:37am

The cycle of anger still goes on. We have been to marriage counseling and I feel like we are getting no where. (To give a quick back ground again I took our two kids and left my dh because of his anger problem and came back because I felt it was better for everyone to try to work this out. Now I am not so sure.)I feel like when we are in the sessions he puts on this air of how he gets what his behavior is like and that we can really change things. But last night night he yelled at our daoughter and told me later how he was completely justified in his behavior. I watched my 6yo immediatley stick her thumb in her mouth and her body language shut down. SHe ran off and I went to talk to her and she seemed okay and even gave dh a hug before she went to bed. I am torn between doing what feels right to me and what I think is right for everyone.

I am so confused I don't know which way to turn.

Thank you for listening.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2006
Wed, 11-22-2006 - 12:43pm

STOP GOING TO COUNSELLING WITH HIM!!! It is the worst possible thing to do with an abusive man. It will bring you backwards, instead of forwards. You can't open yourself up enough to your consellor. I have heard this many times. Women just can't open themselves up enough because they are afraid of their abusers. I have also heard of men flipping out after leaving the appointment because the women said something to embarass them or said the wrong thing. Please stop going with him. If you want to go to counselliing, please go ALONE!!!!!

Also, I really suggest that you leave for your childrens sake. Staying in the marriage for your children is the wrong choice to make. Here is a link for you to review:
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlmakeitstop&msg=12038.1&ctx=4096

I am not telling you what to do in any way. I am just suggesting things to you because I have heard and read a lot of stories and I want to let you know what my thoughts are. Another way to look at your childrens part in the abusive relationship. If you have a son, there is a chance that he will see how your H treats you and down the road treat women teh way your H treats you. If you have a daughter, do you want her to go thru what you are going thru? She sees what you are going thru, and thinks it is fine. Just be aware of this okay.

Lauren

Photobucket