left this morning

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
left this morning
4
Wed, 11-22-2006 - 12:57pm
I left today. he thinks i am at work but i called and told him i was leaving. i had a whole plan to go get my things at 12 today but for some reason, he called in to work to stay home which he never does!!! somehow he figured it out.
he cried to me all last night, begging me to give him another chance, promising he'll go to counseling, etc. i want to believe him but i can't at this point. i feel like my heart is just breaking and i know his is too. but why does he suddenly care when HE is scared and unhappy?
background info: he is extremely jealous of past boyfriends, is verbally abusive and it has stasrted to occur in public and in front of friends. he has broken multiple objects in our home and a couple weeks ago, beat up a guy outside a bar. this has gone on for two years and even though we just got married 6 months ago, i can't do it anymore. i feel like i am slowly breaking and i want myself back.
please tell me i will be okay. i don't know how long i can be this strong.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2006
Wed, 11-22-2006 - 2:00pm

You did the right thing Daisy. I am proud of you for leaving. Your story sounds exactly like my story. It is kind of scary actually how similar stories can be.

"he cried to me all last night, begging me to give him another chance, promising he'll go to counseling, etc. i want to believe him but i can't at this point." **This exact thing happened to me. I have never seen my abuser cry so much. My abuser begged and begged and cried and cried. He did to go counselling, but that really didn't change my mind about leaving him. Just because he is going to couselling does not mean he will change. Only 1% of abusers change. That is WAY down the road, years and years down the road. Not months like he might say.

"background info: he is extremely jealous of past boyfriends, is verbally abusive and it has stasrted to occur in public and in front of friends. he has broken multiple objects in our home and a couple weeks ago, beat up a guy outside a bar." ***This is very similar to my experience too. Just him hearing the name of a past boyfriend he would get pissed off and just sulk. Him breaking objects in the house is another sign of things to get worse. I believe that all verbally/emotional abusive relationships will eventually lead to physical abuse. This is a key. He broke certain things in the house... He will then throw things at you, push you, punch you.... but the tricky thing here is he will then say he is sorry and he loves you and he will never do it again. All it is, is a rollercoaster ride. He isn't sorry like all abusers. He will do it again and again till you put a stop to it.

You will be on the road to happiness if you follow thru with your gut and not go back to him. The only way that you will get better and find yourself again is to end things with him. Here is a link of things he will say to try and convince you to stay:
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlmakeitstop&msg=11856.1&ctx=4096

You are doing the right thing by leaving. I will tell you a million times you are doing the right thing. I am here for you okay... and post as much as you need to.

Lauren

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2006
Wed, 11-22-2006 - 5:22pm
You definitely did the right thing. It will be hard but you will get better and stronger with time. The best thing to do is walk away and not turn back. Do not contact him for any reason because he will do anything to suck you back in. I remember when I was going to leave my X the first time. I planned to have my parents pick my son up from daycare and then pick me up from work but he to somehow knew something was up. Out of the blue he decided to pick our son up from daycare and got into a fight with my family. I felt guilty so I stayed 3 more years. He was removed from our house by police one year ago. It is still hard and sometimes I get down but I do know I did the right thing. See about talking to a domestic violence counselor to get some support; you don't have to go though this alone. Always feel free to post here too; will listen and support you too.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Wed, 11-22-2006 - 11:37pm
Thank you for the advice. I'm six hours away, staying at my mothers house. He won't stop calling and is freaking out. He thinks I went to work and never came home so all I did was drop him an email saying I left and needed time to sort things out. Your messages are definitely helping stay strong in ignoring all his pleading.
this is so difficult but luckily i have a great support system around me right now. they're even lending me their underwear since I don't have a change in clothes!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2005
Thu, 11-23-2006 - 6:56pm
Hey, me again, Daisy.