Is this emotional abuse??

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2004
Is this emotional abuse??
4
Thu, 11-30-2006 - 12:02am

My daughter and I stayed a couple of nights at a hotel recently because she shows animals. I'm sure my husband was jealous or whatever craziness he was feeling because we have a life outside of him, but he was supposed to feed and water her animals at home, cats, hamsters, while we were gone. We talked on the phone several times and when I asked about the animals, he would say they were fine and he had fed them. Then, when I was driving home, I called him to let him know I was on the way home, and that I didn't have hardly any minutes left on my pay as you go cell phone, and he continued to call me over and over, so it would use all my minutes, I think, and then he told me the hamsters might be dead when we got home because they didn't have any water and he couldn't give them any because their water bottle broke and was leaking water. As if he couldn't give them water any other way. He even said one of them couldn't even walk it was so dehydrated. When we got home, they were fine and nothing was wrong with their water.Of course my daughter,she's 12, was upset and nearly in tears. Why would someone do this? Is this a type of emotional abuse?

My daughter was doing very, very well showing animals, she was really making a name for herself and has won several hundred dollars, plus plaques and ribbons, and I came home from work one day, he was here with her, and she cried and cried and said she didn't want to show animals anymore, this is all right as we were about to leave to go to a show, money had already been paid, my parents help her with the care and feeding of her animals plus, pay the hotel costs, entry fees, everything for her to show.I really think he influenced her, or said something to cause this change in her, she loves showing when she's there, he doesn't come, as with most of her activities, and she's fine and enjoys herself. He basically told her she could do whatever she wanted, and it was her decision whether or not to go to the show, after she told my parents yes, she wanted to do this show, and they paid money, reserved hotel rooms, took off work, paid entry fees, everything!!! I think this is wrong, she should follow through, and he should back me up. She doesn't show anymore, and I can tell she misses it, I can't help but wonder what he said to her. He and his daughter are really influencing her attitude on alot of things. Someone please explain this behavior to me, is this normal???

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2006
Thu, 11-30-2006 - 12:38am

To me it sounds like your husband is very jealous of the time you and your daughter spend together. I just wonder what your husband said to your daughter to make her stop going to the shows. Have you asked her? Will she not tell you? I think it is very silly and immature for your husband to have kept calling your cell phone when he KNEW there wasn't many minutes left!! huh? And I don't know why he would tell you he thinks the hampster might be dying. That does seem very odd to me... was he just doing it to get a rise out of you.

Here is the board website for you to check out:
http://cl-wishful78.tripod.com/RDAHomePage.cfm

What other qualities does your abuser have? Do you think he is controlling, manipulative, jealous, posessive? Use foul language and call you names? Threatening you?

Those are just a few things that came to mind...
Lauren

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2005
Thu, 11-30-2006 - 10:50am

C, it's obvious he lied about the hamsters.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-2006
Mon, 12-25-2006 - 2:30am
I believe that it is emotional abuse. I beleive a good husband and father stands behind what his family wants to do. And if your daughter loves to show animals and then all of a sudden she don't want to then he has said somehting to her that has made her to feel that she isn't good at it. No father ever puts that doubt in his chilrens heads, he encourage them, tells them what areas they are doing great in and what areas they need to improve and then helps them to be a better person. And only a jerk would keep calling until your minutes were gone if he knew that you were almost out of minutes on your pay as you go phone. I believe it is time for you to find the support you need to get away from him asap. Before he destorys you and your daughters self-esteem.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2006
Tue, 12-26-2006 - 3:37pm
My husband did this to me before. I had a dalmation who is now passed away :(
Anyway, I loved him very much and I think my H was jealous of him. He was very mean to him all the time. One time I was one my way home from work, he told me that he finally got rid of him and he gave him away to someone at his work. i believed him because he had this huge story made up and was very serious. Well i cried the whole way home..when I got home my dog was there and I couldn't understand why my h would do this. But now I know they'll do/say anything to hurt you. When my dog died, it was horrible. My h was pissed because I was "wasting" money to take him to the vet. He refused to give me money and when he came home, he just looked at my dog, rolled his eyes and stormed out of the house. I will never fogive him for the way he treated my sweet baby boy.