he wants me to think I am crazy

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
he wants me to think I am crazy
6
Thu, 11-30-2006 - 10:08pm
He wants me to think I am crazy. That is what he wants. He wants me to doubt myself, he wants me to think I am not capable of anything, he wants to control me. I can not believe he said anything about I will be lucky if I don't get committed. Yes I have been sad around him. But I have never done anything that would qualify for "crazy" I have never done anything bad to my daughter. He knows how much I hate it when he calls me words saying I am crazy, etc. He knows. He does this to hurt me. I can't stand him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2006
Fri, 12-01-2006 - 10:36am

I'm so sorry, I know how you feel. Try not to take his words to heart, because he is doing doing it, like you said, to make you feel incapable and crazy. I'm sure you're a great Mom! I'm really sorry! Hang in there!

Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2006
Fri, 12-01-2006 - 12:34pm

Yes, all abusers want US to feel like the crazy ones. You sure aren't alone here.... All abusers want US to feel like the crazy ones. They are taking the attention away from them and shining the light on us. We aren't crazy, they are!!

Yes, I also believe he is only saying those things because he knows how much it hurts you. That is just the way abusers are. They are horrible horrible men!

You are capable of anything you want, You are in control now and you are a wonderful mom! Don't let him tell you anything differnt. Take whatever he says to you with a grain of salt. If he says you can't do something, go and prove him wrong.. you can do whatever your heart desires!!

Lauren

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Fri, 12-01-2006 - 1:21pm

Thank you Lauren and Carrie. I went two weeks without crying, really accomplishing a lot. Then I see him and am back here so he can see our daughter, and the grandparents can see her, and I can get more stuff - and I tell you I am a mess all over again. I just think what he said was so low! He was actually nice to me when I was far away and as soon as I was coming back - he actually started being mean again, putting me down. He did absolutely nothing while I was gone. Rotten milk in the refrigerator - absolutely no fresh milk or food in the house for the baby - the house was trashed. All of that I could deal with - but telling me about being commited - that was out of control in my opinion.

Anyway, I am going to try to get some stuff done today. I have Christmas cards to write, more stuff to pack and organize, I am going to talk to him as little as humanly possible while I am up here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2006
Fri, 12-01-2006 - 2:31pm
As your title states - "he wants me to think I am crazy", it's all part of the abuse because it can't possible that he is the problem, so it's a way to shift the blame to you. He probably hates the fact that you can "live" without him. He is just an insecure baby. Don't let his BS get you down, especially when he tells you that you are a bad mother. This is more likely an expression of his inadequacies as a father. Again, he is just sinking to a lower low; he knows that will really hurt you. By the tone of your message, I think you realize that- you are not crazy. My X tried to do that to me a few weeks ago because he knew I was taking some anti-depressant. At least I know if I having a problem and I do something to change it, but hell no he has nothing about himself that needs to be changed(he must be perfect). Hang in there and vent as much as you need to.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
Sat, 12-02-2006 - 5:12pm

Hey there Sam I've been following your story and I have to agree w/the others on this one.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Sat, 12-02-2006 - 7:25pm
I have read the book, thank you. I will read it again. It actually mentioned another book that deals with abuse in high income homes and I am going to read that one too. Thank you for your response too. I feel crazy when I am around him, and another relative I have who is so much like him. But yes I also think he makes me feel that way. The way he twists and denies things. My family even defends him! I only have to be around him right now for less than a week, so he can see our daughter, and it is much too long. I am in the house (he is not staying here while I am here) but even being in the house makes me feel miserable and completely powerless and helpless. I actually had this idea we could do some fun holiday things while I was up here, but that was a complete fantasy which obviously will not happen. All I have to do is hear one sentence from him or my family and I am a mess for days.