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| Mon, 12-04-2006 - 12:39pm |
Hi everybody. This is my first post to this board. I've been lurking for a week or two. After reading this board, I realized that my husband has been emotionally abusing me. We've been married 7 years, we have 2 kids. I've left him a couple times, but always came back because he had convinced me he changed. A couple months ago, I decided I was really done, but I was going to be smart and make a plan. I tried asking my mom if we could stay with her and she said no. We're fairly new to the area and I don't know anybody except my doctors and the few people I work with. I have nowhere to go. I just got off the phone with Housing Authority....I had decided that I'd apply for Section 8 because that's how bad I need to get out of here. Nope. The waiting list is so long, they aren't even accepting applications. We don't have a car. I just had two surgeries and while I was in the hospital for the first one, he spent all our rent money. I have no idea on what, but it's gone. Because of that, I had to go back to work 10 days after having major abdominal surgery. After my second surgery, he "accidentally" took my pain meds with him to work. How do you accidentally pick up a bottle of pills and put them in your pocket? This morning, he woke me up, yelling at me because he was convinced I was stealing his money. When I told him I needed money for the bus and groceries, I thought his head would explode. Because he obviously thought I should have plenty of money (since I'm stealing it from him), I had to sit there while he rummaged through all my things looking for money. Gee....what a surprise that he only found $1.05. I've been sitting here all day, just bawling because I don't know what to do. I don't want my kids to grow up thinking it's ok to live like this.
Thanks if you made it through my rambling book.

Welcome to the board arynsmommy :o)
Yes, there is many red flags in your post as abuse. I'm sorry that you are going through all of this, but we are all here for you, so post as much as you need to okay.
Abusers really have a way of convincing us they have changed eh? I have been there and I know what it's like. They beg and beg and cry their eyes out. It is horrible and they make us feel like the bad guy if we don't give them another chance. That is a trick tho, they are puttin on a show to get us back in the trap, under their power and control.
Have you tried calling the local womans shelter in town? You should also call the Domestic Abuse hotline number at 1.800.799.SAFE
Also, check out the board website:
http://cl-wishful78.tripod.com/RDAHomePage.cfm
There is loads and loads of information on there that will really help you out.
"I don't want my kids to grow up thinking it's ok to live like this."
I am happy to hear you say this. A lot of woman think it is better to stay in an abusive situation, then leave and be a single parent. It is a bad choice to stay for the kids. They are being affected by the abuse even if you can't see it. They are. You need to leave for your kids well being as well as your own well being. It is very unhealthy for your children and for you to be in this situation.
Keep posting okay. It helped me so much to come to this board and vent and get so much helpful advice and information.
We are all here for you.
Lauren :o)
I'm really sorry for all that you're going through and been through, I know how much it hurts. About the pain meds, I'm looking at the circle of violence, under physical abuse is withholding medication. I can understand how upset you are, him rummaging through your things. I'm so sorry, but glad you're here! Keep posting, you're not even close to rambling.
Take care,
Carrie
Thanks so much for your reply.
Yesterday when he came home from work, he was trying to act all lovey-dovey with me and then got mad when I wouldn't feed into it. He told me he was just tired in the morning, as if that excuses his behavior. If I even came close to treating him the way he treated me, he'd blow a gasket.
Thanks for the number to the hotline. I haven't called it yet. I'm a bit nervous. If I go to a shelter, I won't have anybody to watch my kids so I can work. I can't lose my job....besides my kids, it's the only thing I have. Why does this have to be so hard!?!? I do have a friend that said he'd be able to help me out a bit financially, but it won't be enough to get into my own place. I haven't even taken him up on his offer yet, because if money in any form comes into this house, he'll take it away from me. I know all the stuff he's doing are just scare tactics. He knows I'm leaving as soon as I find a place. I made the mistake of telling him before I realized that this is actual abuse. I had a dream last night that someone came along and said "here, let me help you" and they did.....they helped me get on my feet in an apartment and getting back to school. Ah....if only that dream were reality.
His efforts to leave you flat busted is one of the very reasons why I've always been a proponent of women having their own private stash of $$. I know there are those who poo-poo on that notion, but the statistics of women who are in abusive r'ships are just too high for us not to have our own private stash AT ALL TIMES (esp. in marriage).
I had a private stash during my former abusive marriage at a credit union that my xh knew nothing about. For about a year, I stashed money in that acct. every chance I got and it all came in handy the day I packed and moved while he was at work.
I wish that all of us here could pull our resources together and help you come up with enough $$ for your first month's rent. But are you sure you're going to stay in your area or will you leave and try to start over elsewhere?
He may not give you a moment's peace if you're in the same area.
Hang in there.