What should I do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2006
What should I do?
6
Tue, 12-05-2006 - 7:50am

Hi ladies,
hope your all safe and sound, sending hugs to everyone!
H left 2 poinsettas at the door last nite and a note saying how much he loves me. He can't live without me. Then why is he such a jerk?
I really need your support to stay strong,don't want to lose my strength.

Lisa

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2006
Tue, 12-05-2006 - 8:28am

He sees you're getting by without him, and you deserve a big Congratulations for that!!! He's being nice right now, and it's hard cause the holidays are coming up. But, he'll go right back to who he really is, and I'd hate for you to be hurt again. Please remember you'll always have support from others. Here on this board, and in the community. Best of luck and lots of hugs!!!

Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2006
Tue, 12-05-2006 - 11:48am

This part is tricky.... because they make us feel guilty and we go running back to them because they say they will change. BUT THEY WON'T CHANGE. It is a trick. He is taking you on a rollercoaster ride and that is all. It is filled with highs and lows, him being a jerk and him been caring. He won't stay nice and caring for very long. It is all about the abuse cycle. He is in the honeymoon stage. I bet if you tell him to leave you alone, he will get angry and call you a bunch of nasty things.

Here is a list for you to check out:
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlmakeitstop&msg=11856.1&ctx=4096

Recognize anything on this list? My abuser tried soooo many of the points on the list. It is kind of freaky eh?

Just throw out the pointsettias and tell him to F-Off. I don't want to sound mean, but all he is wanting to do is get you under his power and control once again. That is all it is about.

Lauren

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2003
Tue, 12-05-2006 - 11:54am

Just toss the flowers in the trash.


He's totally grasping at straws.

Blueliner4
(aka The Pixie Princess)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Tue, 12-05-2006 - 12:17pm
Hey girl - keep posting. I feel like I have my strong moments and not so strong moments too. And with the holidays it is really hard! But I tried to have a nice Christmas last year with my ex - it was my baby's first and I wanted it to be really special (she is my first child). Of course I really hoped it would be special. It was the worst Christmas of my life. My daughter and I are going to do a ton of Christmas activities on our own this year....maybe you can plan something quickly for your kids to do to distract yourself from those plants he gave you - Santa or shopping or make some cookies, or make homemade wrapping paper.....
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-1997
Tue, 12-05-2006 - 2:31pm

One thing that proved to be a tremendous source of strength for me was journaling.

Before I left my abusive xh, I made a list of all the horrible things he said to me and about me. I kept that list foremost in my mind so that when he tried to initiate another honeymoon phase (eye roll), it all fell on deaf ears.

It helped me get centered and very clear in my mind that leaving him was the only choice.

Best decision I ever made.

As others have said, throw out those flowers and keep moving forward.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2006
Tue, 12-05-2006 - 10:05pm

I'm agreeing with the other posts now. Throw the poinsettias out. Cause I remembered they're a poisonous plant anyway, and so are the guys that treat us this way. I've been thinking of you, with having the girls and Christmas coming up. I know one of your DD's had a birthday recently. I meant to ask you about Christmas? Cause I know that some agencies help with Christmas gifts for kids. I just wanted you to know that incase your funds were low. While I was on assitance, they offered that to me. If that were available to you and the girls that would relieve some holiday tension?

Take care! You're all in my thoughts and prayers.

Carrie