I am mad at me!
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| Fri, 12-08-2006 - 9:56pm |
Hi ladies,
hope and pray your all safe and happy! I am really pissed off at myself, yesterday H called and my 8 year old answered the phone, he says to her lets go buy a christmas tree, and she's all excited telling Sophie her little sister, and then he says tells her tell your mommie, to come too.
She was so happy to be getting a tree, I couldn't say no, we went to Wal-mart, got the tree, then I had to go get some things at the market, we're in there, finally at check-out, my dd see's a book she wants and brings it to me to ask if she can have it, I said no, it's $25.00 he says "oh go ahead, Adi take the book" then says to me "it's just a book" I said no, mind you I would be the one paying for it!!!!! My daughter has tears in her eyes, he keeps saying S***, it's just a book, why can't you, just get it for her. Trying to start a fight and making me the evil mom, in front of the girls and everyone else in the supermarket, I didn't give in, and kept quiet. Neither one of the girls got a book!
He helped me get the grocerys and tree in the house, just to top stair and I said "good nite" I didn't let him in and turned the phone off when I walked in, this morning he calls at 7:30 knowing it's rush hour for me and the girls, and wants all the clothes that don't fit them anymore, because he's sending them to the Dominican Republic to his family and needed them by 10am I said to him "I'll try and find something but I have already donated alot of their clothes, he blows up saying that why don't I ever consider him and that his family needs the clothes more, how can I be so selfish. I hung up! He called 15 minutes and says "I am sorry, but why do (I)not think of him, I lost it and said F**** off, and I don't need to think of him anymore, and don't call here again. I know I said I wasn't going to listen to his messages anymore but I did, he left one and in this message he says what a piece of dirt I am I can't even get HIS daughter a F******* book. I hate him. I wanted to call him back and tell him "he's the dirt bag" but I didn't glad I didn't.
My daughter knows that I didn't have money for the book and besides Christmas is right around the corner. I am doing good in not letting him in, but I really should have not gone with him anywhere. His sister called a few minutes ago, telling me that their sister is coming in march, to visit she lives in Switzerland she coming to help her when she has the baby, and if I could go with her this sunday, so she can show me how to get to the prison where their brother is, so I can take her sister!!!!!!!!!!!! I was livid " I said I'm not a taxi driver" and hung up. His whole family hates me cause it's my fault he went to jail for domestic violence,but I'm good enough to drive this B***** that has said in the past, that I am the cause of their wonderful brothers troubles, HELLLLLLOOOOOOO!!!!! I really don't think she'll be calling again, lol. I'm sorry guys I needed to vent, promise I won't write another LONGGGG post like this again.
I have to tell you guys something, the longer it's just me and the girls here, the clearer i see things and things are making alot more sense to me, it's really strange, why couldn't i see this with him here?
Lisa
P.S.
My 15 year old is on the phone, nothing new when she not! He calls the other line and tells her that he has a headboard for her and he'll bring it tomorrow, my daughter says we can wait outside and bring it in ourselves, she's not a fan of his either.

Feel free to vent as much as you like to okay.
Also, don't beat yourself up over talking to him and going to the store. It is okay. You did the right thing about not buying the book. He was trying to make you feel guilty and he was trying to make everyone around you see him as the *perfect* guy... NOT... you know the truth. I am happy that you had the willpower to say no to his sister and also about not calling him back. That is what he wanted. He wanted you to call him back and get you mad at him.... I really believe that abusers love that!
"I have to tell you guys something, the longer it's just me and the girls here, the clearer i see things and things are making alot more sense to me, it's really strange, why couldn't i see this with him here?"
I think everyone in an abusive realtionship, after they got out, said why couldn't I see that before. I know that I have. and it sucks! I wasted a lot of time on my loser abuser... but oh well. I learned a lot, so I don't think it is a mistake.
Have a good night :o)
Lauren