DV Programs

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2004
DV Programs
3
Sun, 12-10-2006 - 7:49pm
My ex-boyfriend assaulted me in March. I have not seen or heard from him since, but he has been convicted and was sentenced to DV counseling which, after numerous court appearances, he's finally registered with. I received a package a couple days ago and in it are packets regarding my safety, which I expected. There is also a generic letter letting me know he is now in treatment. The one baffling thing is that there is a questionnaire that I'm supposed to fill out and send back. That's it. That's the so-called "contact" with victim this place is doing. All the pamphlets I've read and my advocate told me that they will call and discuss what he's done in the past and my thoughts on what has happened. Where's the phone call? I hardly think a questionnaire says much of anything about who he is. It's a 1-5, one being never and five being very frequently, with various questions from "has he punched you" or "has he threatened your life with a gun". I guess I feel this is very impersonal and doesn't really allow me to share my thoughts about what happened or who I believe he is. Am I wrong for feeling this way? I'm not in his life anymore and there is probably someone current, but it's not as if he's going to tell the truth and if there is another woman, she's going to protect him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2006
In reply to: pikmin2004
Mon, 12-11-2006 - 12:37am

Welcome to the board pikmin :o)

I don't know too much about DV programs. I have read a little bit about it in 'Why does he do that' by Lundy Bancroft. It seems like they contact the victim to get their side of the story. I guess I am just confused because you have been away from him since March and they are contacting you now. Maybe to see how he is progressing in the program or something? Would you be able to call this place and talk to them? I totally can understnad about how impersonal it is to fill out a form and send it back. You would think they would want to talk to you personally. No you aren't wrong in feeling the way you are feeling. I would feel the same. I would want to talk to the people and let them know my side of the story instead of filling out a form.

I hope others will chime in on this one...

Post as much as you like to okay.
Lauren

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2004
In reply to: pikmin2004
Mon, 12-11-2006 - 12:47am
The reason they are contacting me now is he JUST entered the program. He plead guilty in June, then decided to dispute it and the case was postponed twice. Finally in November the judge told him to "DO IT!!" and get in that program as he originally ordered in June. He had 45 days to enter the program and I pretty much figured he'd wait till the last minute. I spent the last 2 hours writing a letter that I was going to include with this pointless questionnaire. Maybe I should call instead? It just seems that if they really cared about rehabilitation, they would have called me. I can't force them to want to help. Besides, I'm not even in his life anymore. Shortly after it happened, he met another woman online so maybe they feel my input doesn't matter. I don't know. I just think I have so much honest information about him that most people don't know and he'll never admit to.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2006
In reply to: pikmin2004
Mon, 12-11-2006 - 10:41pm

I say send the letter. You could always call in a week or 2 to follow up. Say that you would like to meet with them. They might be very open to that. They might feel that you would not want to meet or get involved at all. I think your information is so very important. I think if I was in your position, I would like to meet with the program people as well.

Good Luck.. and let us know how it goes.
Lauren

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