Waking up

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2006
Waking up
3
Tue, 12-12-2006 - 9:20am

I've been back in the house since Friday. Feeling like a failed a bit, but couldn't very well feel good about staying at my Mom's since we all spent the night on the floor. I didn't know my brother was staying there with his family, not to mention he makes choices I don't agree with and I don't think are a positive influence on my kids. H knows his choices and would surely use them to his advantage.

We managed to get the tree up, only the little one, usually it goes on the porch. Most of the shopping is done. Got a cell phone, feel safer that way. Giving my 13 and 16 yr olds one for Christmas. With the sports schedules and work schedules they have, I need them to be able to reach me. An 18 yr old senior at DD's school was killed in a car accident 200 ft from the high school, a sad awakening for the kids. DD is going to the memorial service tonight. All that considered, cell phones with them will give me a little piece of mind. Asking for you all to pray for the family, in 2001 they lost an older DD to a suicide, an overdose. I feel so awful for what they must be going through, how painful there holidays will be without their daughters. I've really woken up regarding my own children. Sure I'm home and their clothes and house are clean, there's food and all they need. But I've been so distracted my this mess, it just puts things in perspective for me. DD's friend called for a ride to calling hours, so I dropped her off last night.

I can't remember if it was Sat or Sun. H wanted to "come clean about a few things". Says he filed, he doesn't know when I'll be served, he filed for custody but changed his mind and just wanted me to promise I wouldn't keep the kids from him. He would like to still see my older kids sometimes. Said he freaked out when I left with the kids and called the lawyer, something about an order keeping me from leaving with the kids. Does anyone know if that's possible? I'm wondering if he even filed, cause now he's being decent. Last night he made burgers and said I could have one, today he woke me up in the morning. Can you believe I consider that to be decent behavior? I can't believe that common consideration is something that my marriage has been lacking all along. With him it's a gesture, he's trying to make nice. He withholds common consideration and respect unless things are his way. I could've been sick when he asked DD about work when he didn't know until I was dropping her off that she had a job! I don't think he filed. I think he's panicking cause I haven't given in. If he did file, he said it could be stopped. I just want my life back.

I better go, have to clean this place up before the kids get here. I want to read through the other posts cause I haven't had a chance to in a few days. Thanks for being here. I really appreciate the support!

Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2006
In reply to: cschristiaa
Tue, 12-12-2006 - 1:44pm

Hi Carrie,

I'm glad you're safe and sound. This experience of leaving and returning is a "dress rehearsal"...tou'll figure it all out in time.

Isn't it weird how simple common courtesy feels like a gift? In my case, lack of crisis and criticism feels like "love". Of course now that I've created some distance I'm getting "the love bomb"....and denial of cheating.

....it's brainwashing. My friend says..."listen to the actions"...you deserve better and you'll get it. As hopefully will I :)

Take care, be gentle with yourself,
Beth

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2006
In reply to: cschristiaa
Tue, 12-12-2006 - 1:54pm

Hi Carrie,

You need to document everything. You promising him that you won't keep the kids from him.. everything needs to be documented. Even if you ddi promise him and you changed your mind he would blow up saying you promised me... but it was never written down, so nothing could ever be proved - kwim?

He is trying to be Mr. Nice Guy again. It makes me sick how they do this. My abuser did that after a horrible horrible Birthday incident. He was Mr. Perfect the next day, now I look back and why the hell did I believe him? SICK SICK MAN!!

Good Luck girl - you are doing good.
Lauren

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2006
In reply to: cschristiaa
Tue, 12-12-2006 - 4:05pm

Hi Carrie,
You have great things in your future. Glad to know you and the kids are ok, had you in my prayers.

Take care,

Lisa