ROSE - (rosecolouredspecs)
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| Tue, 12-12-2006 - 1:31pm |
Hi Rose,
Just wanted to post a post just for you.. so we don't hijack the other thread.
All of those throwing a drink at you, hole in the laundry room etc... those are warning signs. He will eventually turn to you and physically hurt you. He is getting mad about you and hitting things... so it will move to you. He will hurt you and then he will apologize once again. Even him throwing the drink at you, that is physical abuse. It might not have been the glass, but the liquid and ice. I don't think he *fell* and made the wall in the laundry room - he purposly hit it because he was mad at something he *felt* that you did. He is very out of control... who knows what will be next. Abusers are very unpretictable. They can and will do anything. Nobody can stop them. I strongly believe that you will be his next target. I don't want to say this to scare you, I want to tell you to warn you of what is coming. I am postive he will hurt you. I left before my abuser could get physical with me. He threw things and broke numberous coffe mugs by smashing them on the counters and throwing the flicker and breaking it. If I stayed any longer, he would have turned the violence to me and physically hurt me.
I say that if he wants to leave, please let him leave. He wants you to beg him and beg him to stay. That is what he wants. Don't give in to him. Don't beg him to stay.
There seems to be a misconception about children in abusive relationships. A lot of women think it is better to hold out for the children, don't want to go thru a dovorce and be with a single parents... but that is really the only healthy way to go. You do not want to stay with an abuser for the sake of the children. That is the wrong choice. Here is an example: The children will grow up seeing the way he treats you, your children will start to think it is normal. Daughters will grow up thinking that is the way to be treated, resulting in being in an abusive relationship herself. Sons will grow up and see how their fathers treat their wives. They will result in abusing their future girlfriends and wife, because they don't know any different.
"He blames me for things getting to this point in our relationship."
**It is not your fault!!! You need to understand that. He is not taking any responsibility for his actions. He is the problem here. He is abusive, he is an abuser. Abusers NEVER EVER take any responsibility for their actions. They are so quick to blame everything on someone or something else. HE IS THE PROBLEM - NOT YOU!!!
I am so happy to hear that he didn't want to go to counselling with you. Here is the reasoning in a post for you to read:
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlmakeitstop&msg=11516.1&x=y
Good Luck and Take Care Rose
Lauren


Make no mistake - I want out. Period. End of sentence. I know it is the best thing for me and my daughters. Initially when he said he was leaving I paniced and convinced him to come back home. But throwing the solid wood table, ripping his shirt and fleece vest right off of his body, throwing the drink etc. I am scared. I have told him this too. He, of course, says that his frustration come from pent up anger over our 'unsatisfactory sex life'. He blames his anger on that situation (we have sex at least twice each week - i hate it everytime). I am sick of living in this prison.
I know it is not best to stay in this situation for the sake of our children - at first I thought that we owed them to at least put in an effort, but I see now that we are on very shakey ground and now id the time to call it quits. I think H was concerned about losing our children - but I had a long phone conversation with him and I assured him I would never do anything to come between his relationship with them. I do think he is feeling better - he said he was. We actually talked like friends would. When he commented on that I said that is because we had removed the point of friction from the situation - that being our sexlife. I really hope he sees it my way.. My close friend feels it is important that I let him feel he is the driver of the split. I do agree but I refuse to be his prostitute any more.
Thanks again for writing,
Rose