Hi everyone!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2006
Hi everyone!
6
Tue, 12-12-2006 - 3:30pm

Hi ladies,
hope and pray your all safe and well. I went on the interview it went pretty good, the lady said I have a great personality, that was nice to hear, I wanted to hear you have the job,lol. I know I'll get something soon.
I have a question for you guys, H left a message on the phone, saying he wants to go to marriage counseling but I really think it's a bit late for that. Why is it best not to go to couseling with them? Ok, so it's more than one question, do you think men really look down on a woman if she's old and with kids? H said that to me in one of his stupid messages last nite.
H just knocked on the door and gave me a money order for $100. and wrote on it towards child support, I took it and closed the door.
I have to say I think he's lost his marbles, last nite he says nobody wants a used up woman with 3 kids(that's exactly how he said it)then he calles this morning leaving a another message for us to go to counseling. Is it me or is that strange? I don't think I'm old at all, alittle fat noooo, pleasantly plumb :)

Lisa

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2006
Tue, 12-12-2006 - 3:52pm

Hey there,

I'm not sure which question to answer first.

Regular couples counselling doesn't work (I'm sure I'll be corrected if I get this wrong) because it's designed to view the problems as joint problems where in an abusive relationship the problem is really only with the abuser. It actually encourages him to blame his victim and hold her responsible for his bad behavior.

Now I have a question for you. Even if he were to go get appropriate counselling with someone who deals with abusers and were to actually change would you want him back? (My answer to this question was no).

As for his comment regarding no one wants a woman with 3 kids. He's way wrong!!! I know for a fact that this is not true because I have found a wonderful man who has no problems with the fact that I'm 45 with 3 young kids. They are out there just don't rush - you should concern yourself with getting out of your current bad relationship first. The new relationships will come in time.

Good Luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2006
Tue, 12-12-2006 - 4:01pm

Thanks green
I was thinking the same thing, no way would I want him back. I know this world has great men out there, but they have a long wait, because I'm busy working on me, loving me.
Guess, it was alittle insecurity, but with you guys I'm fine.

Lisa

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2006
Tue, 12-12-2006 - 6:00pm

Here is a post on: Marriage Counselling VS Regular Counselling. I totally agree with one of the posts that said:

"Regular couples counselling doesn't work (I'm sure I'll be corrected if I get this wrong) because it's designed to view the problems as joint problems where in an abusive relationship the problem is really only with the abuser. It actually encourages him to blame his victim and hold her responsible for his bad behavior."

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlmakeitstop&msg=11516.1&x=y

He is really pulling at anything eh? He is still trying to do anything to get you back... but it ain't gonna work!

Good for you for taking the money and closing the door. Take the money, it's for child support! I'm so happy that you just shut the door.

You are not a used up woman with kids. NOT AT ALL!!

Here is another link for you to check out. Maybe I have given it to you before... But so much is on this post that you have said he has done.
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlmakeitstop&msg=11856.1&ctx=4096

Oh and good job on the interview... make sure you let us know if you get it!

Lauren

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2005
Tue, 12-12-2006 - 7:07pm

Well, you know how to tell if an abuser is lying...

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2006
Wed, 12-13-2006 - 2:45pm

I heard the exact same thing from an old x of mine! You know what? Everyone one of his friends tried to get with me and I had 3 kids, one on the way. It did make me chuckle a bit at the time, but none of them were worth it either. They say it to get you feeling like they're all you have.

I have 2 friends right now going through similar situations. Both have already gone to counseling, said it was all about them. They have logical answers. They go with the logical and you're hurt. If you need counseling for yourself, don't include him. One friend said it was all about him, the other said her H stopped going because he wasn't willing to accept responsibility for himself. Oddly enough he felt criticized, ironic. My guess would be he's throwing that suggestion out there cause he's not succeeding in other ways. I hope you decide not to, it'll put you on the back burner again, and you're doing so well! I hope you hear good news about the job! It must've felt great to be getting out there! I'm so happy for you.

Don't worry about age or having kids or any of that! Our kids have helped make us who we are, although they'd like us to believe we're ugly, or worthless or whatever, we're not. If we managed to deal with all they threw our way, we're so much stronger than we think. If having kids means a guy doesn't want you, I'm screwed, I have 6! It's bull, don't buy it. I've had an offer (from his friend), and a newly single Dad came and introduced himself at DD's b-ball game. Bottom line, you deserve happiness! Your girls deserve it.

Take care,

Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2003
Wed, 12-13-2006 - 4:30pm

Hi Lisa,


Please, read the post kookai posted regarding the counseling.

Blueliner4
(aka The Pixie Princess)