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| Wed, 12-13-2006 - 3:54pm |
I've been looking out the window a lot, waiting for the Sheriff to bring me divorce papers. He's asked me Mon, Tues & today at lunch if anyone came, probably after work tonight, just like the past 2. Keep in mind he's filed for custody of our 2 children I've been home with for 4 & 6 years now. Alright, I can deal with that. My kids have the best grades, good atheletes, what can he say?
Last night he wants to discuss our time with the kids. Cause he "came clean" Sat and warned me what I'd be served with but then didn't want to put the kids through all that law guardian stuff. We're discussing a few things agreed on some and would tweak out the rest. Until he informed me that if I better figure it out before court or he was going ahead with full custody. I'm so far from being emotionally involved here, I have no feeling for him. The second he brought my kids into this mess even more is the day I give absolutely nothing more. I told him we'll use lawyers then. He wanted something in writing, I said anything in writing would be typed up by our lawyers. I told him that I wouldn't discuss our time with the kids when he's actually only threatening to try to get custody of them. Like I'll give in to him anymore!
He comes in the room I'm in, wanting to know if I want what he's having for dinner I say "No thankyou". I asked him if he even filed, said if he didn't I would borrow the money to. He claims to have. But this is the same guy that didn't know how the papers would come. I'm going to email the lawyer, find out if there's a way to check. If he's bringing the kids in, he's desperate. The only good thing about if he didn't file is that would mean he's BS'ing me about the added order to keep me from removing the kids. I'm calling him now, forgot I had the cell phone. I'm sick of this, I'm not going to feel like this anymore. I have rights too! For now this is my home, and I will raise my kids. He is nothing to me. Alright got ahold of the lawyer, he said call county clerks office, I can find out if he filed. I'm calling now. He did on 12/11! Is it sick that I'm so happy? I'm not happy like this is what I wanted to happen. I wanted a loving supportive relationship, I tried. But I'm happy that the wheels are finally turning! I'm on my freaking way out of here. BTW, lawyer doesn't believe the kids have to stay here.
Sorry that was so long! Merry Christmas to me! I'll check in tomorrow, I'm sure tonight will suck!
Carrie

Big ((HUGS)) Carrie... how are you feeling today? Have you heard anything else about the papers and lawyers and all that jazz?
Lauren
I'm feeling pretty good! Thanks for asking. I just feel like it's a step forward. I really think a lot of my anxiety was from knowing I'll be fighting him. I'm a worrier, always have been, but now I think I'm ready for the fight he'll put up. I mentioned to the lawyer that he was seeking custody, his comment "Not going to happen". He said bring him the papers when I get them, he's seeking attorney fees and said him keeping the house isn't even a definite. I've got no problem letting it go. Papers probably won't be here until next week. Last night was pretty quiet. Only thing he said to me today was "Enjoy" and I think I will.
Thanks for asking and I'll keep posting.
Carrie
Hey Carrie,
Congratulations!!!!!!! I do think there's a lot af anxiety "not knowing". That's true for me. Also someone told me "do the next right thing". And take it a moment at a time! Also it's a gift that you have no more feelings for him-i want to feel that way.
You're doing it. He brought the kids in -didn't want kids, just another tool to hurt me and frighten me. it's hard but you're doing it. I'm so happy for you!
take good care, and keep us all posted.
Beth
I hope I'm not wrong that this will all be easier! I'm just so detached from him and what was our relationship. I'll admit I'll probably get scared of what he could do, having all the money, but now that he's filed it's in the process and I'm a little closer to being independent. I feel good! Not one panic attack today! I even got lucky and he didn't come home until 8pm, so that was great. Kids are all ready for bed, brushed, bathed, and I really love doing it on my own. It's so less srtessful without him around! I think it will be easy enough though, except for living together. Cause I'm able to see is is about head games, and bringing the kids in never works for me, it was the breaking point in my last relationship. The other thing is I have 2 teen age daughters, and 2 tweens, than 2 younger. I have really felt good about mending our differences, teens can be tiring! I have stepped back and calmed down quite a bit and we're getting closer, so I don't worry so much about having to talk with them about everything. I can only be honest.
Sadly it's true, having no feelings for an abusive partner makes it easier. I gave 8 years of myself without ever considering what I needed. I know you'll get there, you'll realize all you're worth and all you have to offer! For me, it hit me one day. I've always taken pride in doing day care, that people could trust me with their children, that my family thought I was a great mother even though I had my 1st very young, and alone. When I would help out a friend or family member with child care last minute, or when I went to clean my cousins house after she gave birth to her still born son, he whined about it. "Why are you going over there to clean, you've got your own house to take care of!" Like trying to support those in need or grieving is wrong!
I'm really sorry for going on and on! I just keep remembering these things that I've buried so deep down inside me, no wonder I had a nervous breakdown! I'm going to check and see if you posted recently. I hope you're doing well! Prayers for you, I know that prayers and this board, close friends and looking out for my kids is wha's getting me through!
Sincere Thankyou's,
Carrie
Hey Carrie,
Just realized I hadn't responded to your post-I'm so happy for you that the feelings for H have changed and you're looking forward to living without him. You sound like a very caring and compassionate woman and your children are exceptionally lucky to have you as their mom.
I think it's good to let your feelings out. You're not going "on and on"...it's good for you to process them and it's good for us to hear of them. Of course you have lots of pain...look at how you've been treated.
I think we all bury our feelings. I know for me I always got such a bad reaction to having emotions that I just shut down. It felt like I was dying. Did you really have a breakdown or is it a euphemism? I felt on Friday that I was close to it -after euthanizing my kitty. I simply couldn't stop crying. The loss of my kitty, the loss of my hopes and dreams with my partner...the cruelty of her words, the betrayal and then fu*king with my head are unbelievably cruel and violent. People commit suicide when they're in that much pain.
I think it's normal to be scared-but he'll owe you support! And I think it's interesting how you're mending relationships with your teens. Youir kids know you are working to build a better life. And you already have so much more energy to "be" with them. I think Lauren in another post addressed how trying to figure out abusers moods is like going in circles...crazy-making.
keep in touch, hang in there
Beth
Thanks so much Beth! I really did have a breakdown. I went to ED with my blood pressure through the roof, shaking, crying. I really didn't know why. It's taken months to get through all of this, but I'm so glad I know why. When the Dr was asking about H I went on about how supportive he was! I asked to talk to someone so it was a psych consult too. That made me cry more, cause I told the nurse "I should be home with my kids", she told me I needed to take care of me 1st, than them. They had him leave the room to ask me a few things, one was if I was a victim of domestic violence, I said no, didn't think it was the same. I remember telling H they asked me that, his comment "Did you tell them the truth?" Crazy huh? I'm really glad you found these boards. It's so much easier to get through when there are others that understand.
Take care,
Carrie