Finding me...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2006
Finding me...
2
Fri, 12-15-2006 - 8:36pm

Back in August I was completely lost. I didn't know who I was, forgot what I even stood for or what mattered to me. Sure I still took care of the kids, but even that was out of habit and responsibility. That was 4 months ago, just now I'm beginning to feel like me.

Family was always important to me, I've been spending more time with my whole family instead of H. Laughing more with them than I have in a long time. Been stopping to see my cousin while DD was at pre-school. We annoy the heck out of each other sometimes, but we'll always love and accept one another!

I'm fortunate that I see I need to reconnect with every one of my kids, instead of wasting time interpreting H's mixed signals. I feel more fortunate that I have no hate for him in my heart anymore. I've prayed and prayed for the ability to forgive, and I belive that's what I've been given this Christmas. I'm still hurt by the things he's done and said to me. I'm more hurt by the times I really needed support, a partner. But I'm not angry anymore. I'm just ready to have my life back. I'm ready to believe that there's something more out there for me, and that I have more to contribute. I feel so good.

The purpose of me telling you this, is that you're a part of it. A part of my recognizing this for what it is, that I can't possibly fix this myself, and that it's not all my fault. Reading your stories and opinions, your advice, whatever has been so helpful and I no longer feel alone. Sure, I have meds, a counselor, but they're available once a week or month, and you're all here everyday. Having the chance to discuss this everyday has to be what has helped so much, I couldn't forget or deny it any more.

Thankyou! I'm so grateful for all of you. I'm so grateful that you can understand. I hope you all have a wonderful holiday season, and hope we all get a new start this New Year! Sorry for getting mushy, but the holidays do that to me!

Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2006
In reply to: cschristiaa
Sat, 12-16-2006 - 1:07pm

Hi Carrie,

That is a very nice post you posted about yourself. It is great that you are somewhat finding yourself again even if you are going thru some hard times. You are looking at things half full and that is great!

The funny thing, if you were to sit around and interpret your H's signals, I don't think you would get too far. You might just get so confused and go in circles!!

I feel the same exact way about this board. It really is wonderful to come here and talk all we want, cry, vent celebrate... it is great! We are always around

I hope you have a Happy Holiday as well Carrie :o)

Carrie

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2006
In reply to: cschristiaa
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 12:35am

Hey Carrie,

I'm very touched by your post. It's very hopeful and inspirational to see someone "ahead" of me-it gives me confidence that i'm making the right decisions....that life holds promise, not just pain.

You deserve joy-you've worked so long and hard! Please keep posting.

Hugs to you and the kids!

Sleep tight,
Beth