Is he STUPID!!
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| Wed, 12-20-2006 - 6:00pm |
Hi ladies,
hope your all safe and well! H called today and said he went xmas shopping for the girls and then ask me "baby, what do you want from santa"? Meaning, he's my santa, YUK!!! I responed with "I want my divorce" and hung up the phone. He calls 2 hours later with "I'm not giving you a divorce because I love you and nobody is going to love you the way I do, nobody understands you like I do". Then he goes on with can I move back in with you, I miss you, I want to come back home, you belong to me! I BELONG TO HIM! I hate this bastard, and no way is he coming back in this house. What I don't understand is why does he keep trying, it's really weird, I mean I can't have him around me, he's toxic, why can't he let it go.
I don't know if I told you guys the other nite, he left a message saying that I'm so F_____stupid, he has found the love of his life(then leave me alone)and that I'm the one with the problem because HE LEFT ME!!! Can he stop the divorce? I think I can do a no fault divorce, right?
So if I'm so F______ stupid, why does he want to come back to my house? Why does he want to buy me gifts, it's really sick. Why so many stupid messages, I don't call him at all. Do you think that's what is pissing him off?
Lisa

I think what is pissing him off the most is this:
He is trying to hard to win you back and he isn't winning. He is trying to do everything possible, but you won't budge. What he is doing is CLASSIC abuser!! Up and down and up and down. You are doing great holding your ground... so keep doing what you are doing. If you give in ONCE, then it will start all over again - meaning he will keep pestering you to give him one more chance... start back at day 1. He sees that you are winning and he hates that... you are doing great!
Lauren
Hey Lauren,
your absolutely right! He just dropped off the gifts and wanted to come in, I said no, and he walked away with his head down. I just closed the door. I really don't like him, such an ugly person, so hateful.
I do have one question, what if he wants to come to be with the girls on Christmas day?
I wish I was this really cold blooded woman who can say NO, and let it roll off her shoulders. I want my girls to be happy. But I don't want him in my house.
Lisa :(
He made his bed! I wouldn't let him in for Christmas, it'll probably make it hard to get him out. Protecting yourself and your girls from his abuse is not cold hearted. It's driving him crazy that you're doing it without him, you're more independant and he has lost control. He wants it back. I think it's excellent, and I hope you're very proud of yourself cause there's no way that this came easy. Are you saving the messages? Isn't that a violation of his R/O? If I weren't completely against you calling his PO up (DO NOT), I'd like to picture her face at hearing those psycho messages though! He is freaking out, and you have all the power to keep him out of your home. You've come so far, and letting him back in will start it all over again.
Wouldn't it be a happier Christmas w/o his drama anyway? Hope you and the girls have a wonderful Christmas!
Carrie
Anger can be SO helpful, can't it?
God. I was laughing, though, at the ups and downs. I'm sure you've done your reading about abusers' tactics. The "we're so special, no one understands us, blah blah puke" is very typical in the BEGINNING of the relationships. It's when they're creating the isolation and division betweeen us and our friends and family. He starts to sulk or make it very uncomfortable to be with them, because they're either stupid or against him. Trying to keep you apart. If it's one of your friends? She's a b!tch, she wants him, blah puke blah.
Anyway, because he can't create this coccoon of specialness using someone as a lever, he's a little frantic.
If you have a PO or RO, you need to be EXTREMELY careful. Remember, if YOU come near HIM, it can void the whole thing. (I don't know your situation.)
If for some weird reason you want to let the kids see him at Christmas, meet somewhere in public with your lawyer, a male AND female friend, or something like that. You must absolutely, not be alone with him and the kids. They'll use anything to distort facts, so hang tight. If you don't want to meet him? Just don't. You've already not let him into your house, which was very, very smart. It's really TOUGH to get them out, once their stinky feet are inside the door.
Arrrrrrrghhhhh!
Stay mad. It helps us see a leeeeee-tle more clearly sometimes.
C.
Hey Lisa - I think he is pissed because he knows he can't control you right now - you are changing the rules and he just doesn't know what to do!!! You are doing so good!
Christmas - I think is tough for so many people.....I don't know all the details of your situation so I am not even going to attempt to give you any advice but please keep posting, figure out a plan and let us know....
He put his head down to make you feel guilty... it is just a trick!! Don't let him in the house on Christmas Day. DO NOT. If he wants to see the girls, he can figure that out himself.. he shouldn't be going thru you anyways.
Lauren
Hi ladies, hope your all well and safe!! I am not going to let him in Christmas day to see the girls, it's not worth it! I want the girls to have a great day, him around it's just miserable and I don't want him to think I want to get back with him.
Lauren, your not going to be around as much, starting your nite classes. I wish you all the luck in the world and I am going to miss you, PLEASE don't be a stranger, I love your advice and your confidence in me, thankyou!
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!
Lisa