bad dreams

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2006
bad dreams
31
Wed, 12-20-2006 - 8:56pm

I'm having trouble sleeping-even resting. Lots of anxiety-like I have to keep busy/moving....

At night having bad dreams/feelings. Like I've seen a car accident and was numb, now it's coming back in color and with some feeling.

Any one else have this experience?

Also still need to drop off her stuff on her porch-feel like I'm stuck in mud-and tgalking through water.

Beth

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: worth_rubies
Wed, 12-20-2006 - 9:16pm

Since you're up, (only kind of kidding!) start reading up on PTSD, dearheart.

Have you seen your doctor to talk about this anxiety?
You don't have to live like this.

C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2006
In reply to: worth_rubies
Wed, 12-20-2006 - 10:41pm

Did you take meds after breakup? I'm o.k.if I keep moving-it's certain times of the day when I feel very deeply unsettled, and at night. Tried to nap this afternoon and had bad dreams that were disturbing.

Maybe I'll ask my dr. or find a shrink...
Beth

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: worth_rubies
Wed, 12-20-2006 - 11:24pm

After I booted my DH?
No, It was long ago enough that they didn't have the magic meds they do now. Prozac wasn't even invented. :)

After we had this fire, though, I had a regular doctor's appt. I felt like I was wading through mud, sitting on the couch, watching TV preachers or infomercials, probably with my jaw hanging open drooling. I'm not certain.

Anyway, I'd also lost a dear friend, and was already grieving that. The doctor asked me if I'd consider Welbutrin. I could have cared less if she'd asked me to take mercury wrapped in chocolate. So I did. The Webutrin, that is! :)

I didn't notice anything at all for the longest time, but then, I was in such a fog! Then one day I realized I wasn't "thick." Moving wasn't such a serious effort, requiring such involved thought.

Later I realized I wasn't collecting. I've always laughed about how if I like something, I have to have all of them. As a teenager, if I bought a record? I had to have all that artist put out. Fabric. Plants. Computer parts, Trees. you name it. But I never thought much about it, I was just a collector with phases. Noticing that I did NOT care if I had all the Japanese Maples for my garden this year was HUGE, because I've already collected 137 -- if that tells you anything.

So, no, I didn't then, but after this other traumatic event, I did. I hope I never, ever have to stop taking this stuff. I have absolutely NO negative side effects, and only those like I've mentioned. Welbutrin isn't anxiety medicine, I don't think, but I think there is a combo. If you happen to experience any side effects, insomnia, acid reflux, or weird stuff you didn't have before, they'll change the meds and off you go, able to sleep, eat, and just feel things are a little less pressing.

Beth, it's just something to consider. These things don't have to be forever, but sometimes to get over a "hump" it helps. Ask your counselor, OK? Or your regular doctor. They're not necessarily a choice for everyone, but it's nice to know there IS a choice, don't you think?

I'm going to hit the hay and will check in on you later, 'gator. Just remember that if you can't sleep? Get up. No one said you can't take a nap later, if you do get tired. Don't stress yourself over NOT sleeping.

Good night, sweetie!
C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2006
In reply to: worth_rubies
Thu, 12-21-2006 - 7:24am

Hi Beth. I read C's responses. You should definitely get into see your Dr. This type of situation can cause panic and anxiety. I was 1st diagnosed that way, cause the Dr felt it was herditary, but after seeing my counselor for awhile, she felt the panic and anxiety was caused by my relationship with H. You have a lot on your plate right now. If you're not against the meds, I reccomend looking into it. I went on zoloft 1st, but was having mood swings, and they changed me to effexor which is helping more. Also, at 1st I was on xanax too, but since the effexor is working better I haven't needed it. This is a traumatic situation and it all really screws with your head, and there are physical side effects. Have you made an appt with DV counselor? They are so understanding!

Can you have someone else drop off her things? If not, do it while you know she won't be there. Hope you managed to get some sleep.

Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: worth_rubies
Thu, 12-21-2006 - 10:48am

Heck with that.

(OK, I'm chortling at one of my imagined, gratifying mental scenarios.)

She doesn't need to return this woman's crap.
1) Posession is 9/10ths of the law and if Beth wants it? They were GIFTS!

2) Beth shouldn't need to expend the mental or physical energy it takes to organize, pack, load, move and unload this stuff.

3a) Beth has windows and a front door, right? Perhaps she should practice her shot put skills as she heaves this stuff out onto the curb. A nice, friendly email can alert the BFH (know that one?) to the location of her posessions and remind her that trash day is xxx.

3b) Ok, if throwing isn't fun, I'd load the stuff onto tables in the front yard. Put up a sign that says, "Yard Sale." Then I'd email BFH to let her know there's a little sale going on involving her obviously unnecessary, left-behind crap.

4) Beth goes to the movies...

You know that joke about the husband going on a "business trip?" He calls his wife and says, "I've met someone else and want a divorce. Sell the Porsche and send me the money." She puts an ad in the PennySaver stating, "New, red Porsche for sale. Must sell/must pick up tomorrow. $1.00 OBO"

OK. Sometimes I think I'm so funny.

C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2006
In reply to: worth_rubies
Thu, 12-21-2006 - 11:33am

it's her stuff although there is a picture that i love that my son gave her from Japan -i would love to keep it but feel it's stealing..? I also have mixed feelings about her having this as I feel she's deeply betreayed and hurt my children. They are college age but introduced us as their parents and she was involved with all activities of family. Even her attitude toward them started to change,,,,didn't decorate house when son turned 21 and that night before his b-day when he was sick called from out of town and left message..."how was cake and ice cream?'-he was puking and she knew it...it felt so mean.

On Thanksgiving when I asked if she wanted to go to airport because Philip was going back to NYC to school after break she said "i guess i'll get a latte out of it". She convienently ?sp forgot that comment. Yet she always complained she wasn't part of the family. When I asked her what would help her feel a part she said "if we live together"-yet everytime we looked at houses together i got a stomach ache.

Isn't it "stealing" to keep the things I want ??? They were given to her...I don't want to be at her level. Of course she hasn't returned some things I wanted yet either....
Beth

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: worth_rubies
Thu, 12-21-2006 - 11:58am

She's just a miserable human being, isn't she?

I don't happen to think it's stealing, but the little I read of you, I think you'd look at it and always think of her, then feel guilty that you kept something.

After you talk with your son, I would ask him what he would like to do with it.
I'm also willing to bet he'd help you pack and heave....

Beth, when you looked at houses your stomach talked to you and YOU IGNORED IT?
We give all this lip service to learning about ourselves, our intuition, etc. And you chose to ignore a clear, physical indication that living with this woman was NUTS?

I think your stomach is seriously vocal and you should pay more attention to it.

Do you happen to have keys to her house?
Well, knowing when she'd be at work there isn't any reason you can't slip in, pick them up and leave.

Unless you're secretly thinking it would be a moment to see her, secretly hoping things would be magically how you dream they'd be, unless you don't want to let go. Unless these would be a tie to continue communication.

Just a couple questions....
C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2006
In reply to: worth_rubies
Thu, 12-21-2006 - 1:17pm

Hi Beth....

BIG ((HUGS)) to you. Yes, it will be tough for awhile, but it does get easier with time. I used to keep a journal and write in it every day after I left him. I would write day 1, day 2 etc.. if I talked to him, I would start back at day 1. After doing this for awhile, I just didn't want to talk to him anymore, because I would fall backwards and have to start ALL OVER AGAIN! It sucked.. but it did get way easier.

I am with the others.. go talk to your doctor and ask about your anxiety and such. I know that some people don't believe in dream dictionaries.. but I do. I keep one by my bed and always check in it after my dream. I remember a very vivid dream about spiders, it was scary and yucky!!.. I then found out that spiders mean that I felt trapped in some kind of relationship.. and you know what, that is when I was still talking to the ex. I quit talking to him and I haven't dreamt about spiders again!

Anyways, sorry for the rambling about myself... about giving her stuff on her porch. I would suggest waiting till you know she isn't going to be home, so you don't have to see her or talk to her. I feel that she will try and make you feel guilty AGAIN! They are so good at that.... about the picture from your son that he gave her. I think that everytime you see it, it will remind you of her.. and that isn't a good thing. I don't think you should take it. Maybe you could get your son to get you a different one, just for you? I still have stuff from my abuser, but it is all burried in a storage bin. I will burn it all one day (Including a journal he wrote for me about how much he loves me, a scrapbook I GAVE HIM that he gave back to me, and all the cards for b-days etc...) I don't want anything in my house to remind me of him.... NOTHING!! He was a bad part of my life.. and shouldn't be anything around that I will remember him.

Lauren

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2006
In reply to: worth_rubies
Thu, 12-21-2006 - 3:08pm

I like the idea of throwing it out to the curb! Maybe you can just come handle my divorce?
Someone needs to take H off the pedestal he's put himself on and you sound perfect! Never heard BFH, it's killing me. See I would've figured out a way to give it back too. I didn't think of any of that, needed a laugh!

Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2006
In reply to: worth_rubies
Thu, 12-21-2006 - 3:16pm

I know how you feel about stooping to her level, it just doesn't seem the right thing to do. I've had my things broken and thrown out and I wouldn't do that, it's an awful feeling. On the other hand, I could only wish I didn't have to sit through this divorce in the same house splitting up our things. Either way, keep away from her cause she will take advantage of it and try getting into your head.

H does the same things at Christmas and important events. Guess who's got all of their gifts bought already? Our kids together, not my older ones. He makes comments like that all the time. It's sick. If your son bought these things, keep them. What does she have of yours?

Carrie

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