x-mas eve drama - long
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| Sun, 12-24-2006 - 1:43pm |
So it's x-mas eve. For those who don't know or remember my story i'm divorcing my H after 16 years of emotional abuse. Unfortunately, we are still in the house together. I left the house Thanksgiving so he could have the day with the kids. We e-mailed each other regarding the x-mas holiday - I said I would be spending x-mas eve with the kids and I knew he would be spending x-mas day with them (per a prior discussion).
He claims he did not understand this to mean he would need to leave the house and when I asked him to go he refused claiming he wanted to have a relaxing day with kids. I then stated that I would be taking them out to dinner and a movie - he said fine but he was going to join us. I don't put it past him to either just get into the car or follow us in his own car.
We all know that this is manipulative b.s. However, I don't have any legal recorse to force him to let me have time alone with the kids.
I've been hysterical crying all day. He successfully got me to yell and curse which can now be used against me. One friend says do what I planned and just pretend he's not there. Another says to go shop until the credit card breaks (which would involve not being with my kids on x-mas eve). My sister says stay home and just have as much time with the kids as I can manage.
I'm guessing that by the time any of you read this my dilema will be over but it feels so good to tell people who understand my pain.
I promise that if I find the magic wand that makes it all better that I will share with each and every one of you. Until then, I pray for all of us.
Happy Holidays everyone.

I hope by now something has happened and is past.
Sweetie, every time he gets a rise out of you, he wins.
My dad taught me you can't fight with someone who either agrees with you or doesn't care.
"Oh, I didn't understand I had to LEAVE the house."
"Hmmm. Next time I'll remember to either speak more slowly, using smaller words, or I'll write it in capital letters for you."
JUST KIDDING!
Seriously. You gave him exactly what he wanted. Probably you a mess with the kids. I hope you went out to the nicest place you could imagine, in brand new dresses, shoes, coats, hats, gloves, and undies. All had lobster and prime rib with an extra ordered for a take-home, late night Santa snack, champagne all around (because we're celebrating DADDY joining us), lots of gushy desserts, then, since you've also had a glass or two or wine? A nice limo ride around to see the Christmas tree lights before it takes you home. And maybe a barf bag or two, since one of you will surely get sick after all that rich, delicious food!
In the meanwhile. Plan another special time and just plain don't tell him. Don't believe that ANYthing you agree upon that involves you getting something he does not will ever come to pass. Forewarned is forearmed and frankly, I'm sure part of your anger and tears is just that you know this would happen anyway. You trusted him again and he kicked you in the butt. And grinned the whole time.
Sucks. But I'm hoping you had a good time with your kids, since they're what this whole shootin' match is all about. Not him.
Merry Tommorrow,
C.
Green, I hope something worked out for you.
Dakota
Thank you all for the support!
He successfully manipulated the kids time for a very large portion of the day. I finally managed to go to the supermarket with my oldest and dropped $345.45. A little backround for all, my STBX makes more that 300K/year and was griping that morning that he wants copies of all my receipts especially the supermarket receipts. I'm not a shopper so that is really the only place I spend money (he's such a turd!) Oh, and I live in Bergen County NJ where the stores are closed on Sunday's so I couldn't go to the mall.
When I got back from the market,he approached me and declared he had a compromise - he would have dinner with the kids and I could take them to a movie. I went for it 'cause it was the only way I was going to get some time with the kids.
I spent the balance of Christmas day and the following day with a very supportive friend. Each incident like this just hardens my resolve to leave him.
Anyhow, he took the kids away from Christmas morning 'till today (12/27). I'm taking them to see my family out of state from Friday 'till Monday. Originally, I was going to come back Sunday so they could spend New Year's Day with him but not now.
I spoke to my attorney today. She says 1) I absolutely do not have to provide him with my receipts 2) though it doesn't get me back the lost holiday with my kids she was going to fire off a nasty to his attorney 3) she suggested I cuisinart his nads next time he pulls this b.s. (tee hee hee).
It hurt like hell but I'm stronger for it. I was trying so hard to just be fair and not greedy in this divorce but I told my attorney today to take off the gloves. We'll see what happens!
Yea the receipts.....my ex wishes he could track all of my spending too, wants me linking my credit card to the money system on the computer which I don't have access too!
I am so sorry you had to endure that! I hope you have a great time on your trip with the kids!