Holiday Blues
Find a Conversation
Holiday Blues
| Mon, 12-25-2006 - 9:46am |
I talked to my Mom,and sisters about what is going on. They are being very supportive which is really nice. I told them to keep very quiet about my divorce/leaving because i don't want him to find out.
Christmas was very stressful. My husband was being very clingy and all he did was make me mad. He kept bugging me for sex and asking what was wrong. I just wanted to scream at him and tell what an unfaithful bastard he was and is. But since all of the family was there i tried desperately to keep my cool and be civil. I was a nervous wreck and i think my family could tell i was unhappy. Everything was fine until i got home. My husband wouldn't drop the having sex with him issue. I finally gave in this morning about having sex. I almost started crying during sex because i didn't want him touching me anymore.
I wish i could just tell him i want a divorce. He is making me feel really guilty by being all nice during christmas. He bought me a really expensive gift and did some other good samaritan things for my family.
Breaking up my family isn't something i want to do but he's giving me no alternative. How do i deal with my rollercoaster of emotions? Normally i keep everythin in and i'm not used to being like this.
Dakota
Christmas was very stressful. My husband was being very clingy and all he did was make me mad. He kept bugging me for sex and asking what was wrong. I just wanted to scream at him and tell what an unfaithful bastard he was and is. But since all of the family was there i tried desperately to keep my cool and be civil. I was a nervous wreck and i think my family could tell i was unhappy. Everything was fine until i got home. My husband wouldn't drop the having sex with him issue. I finally gave in this morning about having sex. I almost started crying during sex because i didn't want him touching me anymore.
I wish i could just tell him i want a divorce. He is making me feel really guilty by being all nice during christmas. He bought me a really expensive gift and did some other good samaritan things for my family.
Breaking up my family isn't something i want to do but he's giving me no alternative. How do i deal with my rollercoaster of emotions? Normally i keep everythin in and i'm not used to being like this.
Dakota

Hey Dakota,
Keep posting, journal...go out for walks. Maybe the rollercoaster wouldn't feel so intense if you stopped having sex with him. You're not obligated-he doesn't deserve your body, your feelings, your goodness. This hurts you. What would you say to me if that was my post? I bet your heart would break. Take care of you...get into counseling so that you have some support and a place to let the feelings out. And a way to plan for the future.
You aren't breaking up the relationship-he already did that. You're saving yourself and kids from further detruction.
Be good to yourself today. Do something for you. Thinking about you and sending some prayers...
Beth
Honey, you're not breaking up a family because you're NOT a family and you know it in your heart.
Give yourself the gift of ugly, bald-faced honesty this Christmas.
You are accessories to his image, totally there for his self-gratification and selfish existance. Whether it's berating you for his insecurities, intimidating you or the kids to feel powerful, or giving you "an expensive gift" to prove his generosity to himself.
Ick.
Pawn the gift. Pawn everything you can get your hands on. Give yourself a new, Christmas savings account so when you get your head together to save yourself and your kids? You have a foundation.
I agree with this: He's a Waste Product and you're indulging him. Would you let Human Waste wash over you and your family? Simply because it's wearing skin like sausage...Hmmmm....
Screw that "keep the peace" crap. Let him be mad and pray he storms out. Suggest it. (Oh, please don't leave and ruin Christmas.. Please don't go off to the bar and stay out all night again.. Don't disappear for a week and worry us...) Then change the locks, call the police and tell them you're afraid for your and your kids' lives.
But that might be another day.
In the meanwhile, you're NOT a martyr and no one here will find you as such. You ARE a mother and a human being who deserves better.
Take it. Demand it. Expect it for yourself.
Honor your gut and know that a doormat gets nothing but dirty feet on it. You're not protecting the kids, so do your best to plan to get out.
You're better than this, girlie. Or you wouldn't be here. Be the grown-up in this relationship, even if it's just for your kids. You're not alone.
Merry Darned Christmas.
C.
I am going to visit to the Domestic Violence place today and see if they can help or give me some info. Also, i am going to go look at low income apartments and see how soon i can move in. Hopefully, i can get tested for STD's and find a lawyer.
Wish me luck.
Dakota
Dakota
I DO wish you luck!
And no, you don't have to tell him for the very reasons you mentioned.
It's just DOING something that's important!
You've demonstrated a point, though, about leaving. Other than becoming "unexpectedly" pregnant, leaving is THE most dangerous time for a victim. The abuser senses the difference in some weird way. It's almost as though an independent thought has a certain scent. They also know there's some way that they're not in control, which TOTALLY freaks them out. It tells them they're not as powerful as they want the world to believe. So, generally they'll beat the victim back into submissions. This is one of the times violence will also escalate. Verbal to physical, physically from you to the children, from physical to deadly.
So you're on target. Do tell what the shelter recommends and how your housing hunt goes. Do you have to qualify with your county to get into low income housing?
C.
Good Luck Dakota,
Keep us posted....hopefully the shelter will give you a safe place and lots of assistance-you're brave....keep doing it....
hugs to you,
Beth