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Update Holiday Trip
| Fri, 12-29-2006 - 6:36pm |
Well..things got a lot better here the day before Christmas, DH decided to be all sweetness and light and told me that he was sorry. He told my daughter that he had said some things that should never have been said and that he planned on "spoiling me" on the trip. We went away for 4 days, had a nice time over all. I just dropped everything so the kids could have a good time but I won't soon forget the mean things that were said to me. Under the surface things are very tenuous and I feel like i am walking on eggshells. Once on the trip I said something that set him off, not even sure what now..but it wasn't intended to set him off and he stormed away with the kids and they followed like ducks leaving me standing in the street. They both side with him and can be very hurtful and disrespectful something that I don't feel i ever get backed up on, it is almost encouraged..so I am up against a future of losing battles it seems. At one point my daughter said the "F" word in a restaurant because she burned her tounge and a man gave me a look because he overheard it. When I scolded her about it DH told ME to knock it off in so many words. This happens again and again in front of them to the point where I have no authority.
I have plans to meet with some people to discuss my situation both counselor and legally. I really don't have much hope for my future with him, or even as a member of this family. It really makes me so sad and I find myself feeling helpless and hopeless about it really.
He says he isn't planning on separating from me and that things between us are ok..but it really feels like if i say ANYTHING to my own side things will not be OK at all. I feel really controlled and trapped.
Also his priorities are not what I would have..we have so many things falling apart in my home, the car I drive, no savings and our taxes are 2 months overdue..but he is now saying he is going to take out a loan to buy a motorcycle..I can say nothing about this either of course.
I also need about 2500 dollars worth of work on my teeth, some have been pulled and it shows so I am feeling really bad about myself. On my own income which is 1/5th of what he brings in it will take years to address all the things that I have as priorities when having to take care of them myself as they never make "his" list. It is so frustrating.
He spends lots of money on the kids and is a good father in that he spends a lot of quality time with them and doesn't talk down to them, but it isn't good in that he makes it out to be that he is the good parent and I am pretty much useless.
Thats how I am feeling this week I guess, kind of depressed and stuck. I will be the bad guy if i end this marriage and i will be alone..because it is obvious the kids will stay with him
I have plans to meet with some people to discuss my situation both counselor and legally. I really don't have much hope for my future with him, or even as a member of this family. It really makes me so sad and I find myself feeling helpless and hopeless about it really.
He says he isn't planning on separating from me and that things between us are ok..but it really feels like if i say ANYTHING to my own side things will not be OK at all. I feel really controlled and trapped.
Also his priorities are not what I would have..we have so many things falling apart in my home, the car I drive, no savings and our taxes are 2 months overdue..but he is now saying he is going to take out a loan to buy a motorcycle..I can say nothing about this either of course.
I also need about 2500 dollars worth of work on my teeth, some have been pulled and it shows so I am feeling really bad about myself. On my own income which is 1/5th of what he brings in it will take years to address all the things that I have as priorities when having to take care of them myself as they never make "his" list. It is so frustrating.
He spends lots of money on the kids and is a good father in that he spends a lot of quality time with them and doesn't talk down to them, but it isn't good in that he makes it out to be that he is the good parent and I am pretty much useless.
Thats how I am feeling this week I guess, kind of depressed and stuck. I will be the bad guy if i end this marriage and i will be alone..because it is obvious the kids will stay with him

You probably didn't forget what set him off, there probably wasn't a reason. How heartbreaking to see your little ones follow along as you were confused and hurt! They don't side w/ him, they are probably afraid of him. If they were to stand by your side, what would happen? What happened when they followed him? He is encouraging it, the disrespect towards you. Everyday when they see how he treats you.
You're controlled and trapped. When you mentioned you needed dental work I was reminded of a list of demands that were presented to me on paper. One being that my abuser had a hard time being affectionate w/ me because of my teeth. I have some work I can't afford to have done, a couple in the back. He mentioned in his list that he would still like to "help" me get this work done. What? His income and yours is family income! Just like my soon to be XH bought a 4 wheeler when my kids went w/o clothes. Now yours will afford a motorcycle while you're supposed to get by w/ your "own" income?
A month ago I called H a good father too. He spends plenty of time w/ the kids. Is he a good father if he's teaching the kids that he can spend money on them but you can't? He can buy them toys and take them places you can't because you don't have access to family money? Mine takes them to buy toys, while putting me through the sighs and such whenever I ask for money for Christmas gifts and seasonal clothing! He gives me all the excuses, while he has more than he knows what to do w/! You're not useless! The kids won't stay w/ him, they're probably afraid of him. Kids don't sweetly follow a parent because they side w/ them. Don't assume the kids will stay with him! They're probably much more comfortable w/ you.
The counselor you'll see and legal advice, is it from a DV center? Free and especially helpful! Let us know how it goes! Best of luck! Keep posting,
Carrie