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| Tue, 01-02-2007 - 4:52pm |
Hope your all well,
I went to see a DV advocate and she was LOST, she says my issue is a bit more complicated, so she is going to seek legal advice. She was really nice to me, i liked her alot she asked me if I had thought about moving, I said yes, and then stupid me says everett, Ma it's not that far from here. I was nervous. we started talking about probate court and what can be done for me. I'll call her tomorrow and tell her that i like the idea of Virginia, don't know where or Connecticut.
I saw my DSS worker today also, she is going with me to probate court on thursday, to get the ball moving. H called her on the 23 saying he wanted an appointment with her, she said fine, he hasn't called again.
I am scared, just feel lost and alone. Wondering if maybe I am the crazy one? I am trying to lift my self-esteem again and feel proud of me. It's hard, to hard. I'm crying alot less, almost nothing, but I have a feeling inside me I can't shake, that he's going to take my girls away from me, and I'll never see them. For him being accused of DV violence, having spent 6 months in jail for violations of the RO, and a 2 year probation, no legal status in the US, and driving with no license, working as a contractor with no license, he also has a bank account, the woman he works for has a pretty good position and got him an account,makes me wonder with what SS#? OMG, he has so much power. I can't believe this!
I just needed to vent, going to take a long hot shower and just try to relax and have faith in all good. I'll be back in a bit.
Lisa

Hugs for you Lisa! i can only imagine how hard this is, as I'm just starting the court process and I'm freaking drained! Are you serious about moving? Or are you out of other options? Could be a new start, less stressful.
Being through all of this makes someone feel crazy. I look at all the cars in a parking lot before I walk out, wondering if H is there. I'm so glad they took his guns, and he can't apply for a license to carry a hand gun. What is it that makes you wonder if you're crazy, anxiety, what? It feels like he has a lot of power. But you have support and people in the system on your side, and all he has are lies and manipulation. All liars have their day, they do eventually get caught in their web of lies. Hang in there!
Let us know what the DV advocate says. I'm glad she's seeking legal advice, better safe than sorry. It sounds like she's taking this seriously and leaving no stone unturned, hope that reassures you some.
Take care,
Carrie
Hey Carrie,
My god it is really draining, it's almost like the legal system makes us out to be the bad ones, that's how I feel. The DV is seeking legal advice on the exact conditions of his probation, she is going to help me.
The moving, I am serious, it would be a new start, and alot less stressful, i'd be living like a normal person, not looking out my door, and over my shoulder walking through side streets to avoid traffic. F_____ this, I've had it. NO MORE!! Yes, I am more than serious about moving, my girls are great with it. My 15 dd is worrying about making friends and leaving them. I love people so I have no problem with meeting and getting to know people. What makes me feel like I'm going crazy is, get this, not knowing what he's up too. Isn't that sick?
It seems like everyone has forgotten what he went to jail for, HELLOOOOO!! He has probation why, DUH!!!!!! Am I the only one, in the world that sees the scum bag for what he is? I stopped my meds for depression and anxiety, he said he would tell the world I'm a nut, and he has and he's going to use that in court. To prove that it's all me.
I am happy that your H can't get a gun (legaly) your going to be great, the scales of justice, are tipping your way :)
Lisa
Hey Lisa, about my court situation, I'm trying not to get too confident, am counting on some set backs. I'm just seeking out all possible resources for back up and support.
H has referenced my meds as a weakness, but you know what the truth is? When we're feeling better about ourselves, they can't stand it! They belittle the fact that we're receiving treatment for a medical condition! Maybe now is the time to go back on them? Abusive relationships can cause anxiety and depression. Talk to your Dr about it, in my case I started counseling (H hated that) and had regular appts w/ DR to monitor my reaction. Both know of my situation, and it's documented w/ them, my Dr is a big note taker! He's very thorough and I never felt rushed so I always got a chance to get to the root of what was bothering me. Don't ever feel bad for being on medication prescribed for you, it might actually look worse too if you've been diagnosed and aren't receiving treatment. If being on meds made you a nut, do you know how many people would lose their kids? Think about this, isn't he illegal? He works under the table, therefore has no income, how would he provide? He's screwing w/ you, and I'm glad he hasn't contacted you. Enjoy the peace while you've got it!
Carrie
Hey Carrie,
we must be on the same wave length, I was calling my DR. tomorrow to set up an appointment and let him know what's going on and why I stopped going, he'll be happy to see me. As for H not contacting me,hopefully he's GONE forever and I'll never hear from him again. It's nice to dream :) Girls go back to school tomorrow and I start job search with AFDC, set backs are a giving, but were going to make it!!!!
On a happier note, i have not had any pepsi in a whole week, I am feaning but have to break the habit :)
Lisa
Good for you Lisa, take care of you! Can you drink caffeine free? I couldn't give up my coffee, and I wonder why I'm wired?
I doubt he's gone forever, but he's scared of the cops. If he calls keep the messages, don't respond. I think I'd be screwed if I'd have even given H a glance in court today. Don't talk to him, if he comes to the door don't go to it. I think I'm only able to continue cause I've had no contact, he's had no chance to get to me. I'm getting a taste of life w/o him and I'm loving it! I can set the thermostat, I can leave my shaving cream in the shower, and I even left my straightener on the bathroom counter. Oh he'd have a fit!
Keep it up!
Carrie
You made me laugh, thankyou :) I'm on the phone with my best friend, at any time, and the kids are eating oh noooooo mac& cheese for dinner, that's not food to him, I had to cook the rice and beans with meat and a salad.
I am also having a great time!!! I love it!
Lisa