Question for everyone...
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Question for everyone...
| Thu, 12-11-2003 - 12:23pm |
I was just wondering how your A ended?Di it end badly,on good terms?And if it ended badly,were you cold to eachother?Also,looking back now..would you do it again?

Oh did I mention he is living with his old GF now?
If I had it to over again HE!! NO I wouldn't do it. I loved him and for some sick reason still do. But he is a man I can not have and if I didn have him he ould not really make me as happy as I made myself believe he would. It was all fantasy. Now I see how mean he can be and he never loved me. Although if you ask him he will say he loves me very much but I sabotoged our relatioship. Whatever. It is over and for my health and sanity I need to move on.
Cali~
First time here...I've been lurking around for quite a while now! I saw this post and that was it, I decided to post my reply. Especially since I fit right into ending an A.
I myself am not married and the other guy is not married either. Dont confuse yourselves, I'll explain everything...might as well start from the beggining.
I started working at this company 3 years ago and the very first day I saw this sexy little thing walk by the training room. Well I was struck from that day on. I dont know what it was, the way he found my eyes following him or the way he blushed when he realized I was basically drooling on the floor for him ;)
So it starts good right, I fall for a co-worker, I think nothing of it, and forget about that ever being an option. I am a very ethical person, and dating at work was beyond me. But we would see each other everyday and he would smile and flirt, just plain fun!! At the time I was engaged so he never came on to me so to speak, or asked me out either. A year went by and me and my fiance (who also works with us) broke up for good. Aside from things, this was the best decision of my life.!!!
So moving on, no longer than a month after, my beau (I'll call him Mr.R) asked me out! I was so excited that we finally got to spend time away from work together. So we made plan to meet up at the bar the following week. Before the "big date night" came he called me everynight and we would talk over e-mail at work all day long! I was in heaven to finally have decent conversations. For the first time, I was honeslty happy and I couldnt wait to see Mr.R. Mind you this is all to fresh after my breakup from a 5 year relantionship and buddy worked with us, so we kept our seeing each other quiet.
well we went out a few other times and I spent the night there a few times too. Months pass and we continue seeing each other from time to time at the bars and we would call each other and blah blah blah...(this is gona be a long post by the way) We both didnt want anything to serious at the time, but we definatly knew we liked our company and liked spending time together. After spending New Years 2002 together, I thought this is it!! I have finally found "THE ONE" I meen you would think it was a HUGE sign that we were meant to be if we spent New years together right?!! I'm nuts like that, I beleive in signs...anyhoo...to make a long story not too long, we didnt see each other much after New Years, maybe once in Feb. So I was getting over this whole Mr.R thing because I figured we would make better friends! So we agreed to be buddys and just hang out. That was ok...until I moved in with him! YES!!!
His old roommates screwed him over and he needed to find a new roommate ASAP, well next thing you know its March 2003 and we are living together! Well sooner than later we became intimate again the night my best friend died. It must of been the passion of the moment or something, maybe even the beer we've been drinking, but next thing you know we were making love!!! I could not deny my feelings for him anymore, so I we had a little talk that night. We basically agreed that we were perfect for each other and that we'll see what happens, no rushing nothing! That sounded perfect to me, so agreed we went on living together and spending the most wonderful nights together. We would cook together and have the best fun and laughs. I met his parents including aunts, uncles and grand parents..I met all his friends and I have to say they all adored me! I loved him more and more everyday and he did too.
My world came crashing down when he started seeing someone else who he wanted a relantionship with and had no problem calling her his GF(AND SHE WORKED WITH US TOO)!! Boy was I ever mad...I came home and here he had a party going on which I knew nothing about and then he says to me, yeah when Mrs "chicken head" calls let me know, I'll go let her in the appt building! OUFF!! I swear he saw the rage in my eyes, I said nothing though and quietly moved my way through the party in my room where I punched the pillow for 15 min!! Ah what a day that was...Moving on...
We kept seeing her, and they became a "couple" (still in the back of my mind I could not understand why her and not me?) so whatever, at this point, I wanted nothing more to do with him. I was to be his roommate and best friend and that is it...Well so much for that, a month after he came home one night and he wanted to talk, so we did...GUESS WHAT HAPPENED! ARRGGHHH yes we slept together, and he told me he didnt want to lose me and he wanted to continue seeing me and he thought he loved me and so on! YA! I fell for that too...I beleived in us so much, he could of basically say anything to me and I would of beleived it!!! I was a really bitter person before I met him, didnt beleive in anything, didnt feel for anyone, didnt feel for anything really...I wasnt enjoyable!! In all aspect of life, I needed him!!!
So Sept this year, I had to move out because of financial difficulties. I thought my world was over because I had to step down to her when they started dating and now I was moving out, so basically giving her my place in the home. I hated every bit of this, but I had to go...I missed him so much, the first week I moved out, I was still sleeping at his place with him...He missed me and would of done anything to have me move back with him...but for the time being, I could not do it. OUr affair went on until 2 weeks ago when SHE all found out about us!!
Thats how it began and went on...this is how it ended...It was pretty, me and him were out for the night and she was looking for him all over town. She actually saw my car parked at a friends house...she waited all night for us parked outside...I left without him and went home...He caught a ride with a mutual friend of ours to his place...as soon as he pulled in she pulled in behind them and sh*t hit the fan from that point. I guess she flipped, packed all her stuff and left. Mr. R said he didnt care and never said a thing when she left! I was so shocked and didnt know how to feel...all I could think was finally we are free to be, but yet I had this overwhelming guilt inside me!! Guilt for her...ouch...so the next day he calls me to go over, I go relunctally, and he greets me at the door with a huge hug and a kiss!! we made out on our lunch hour and he looked so happy and releived that all was out in the open!! I was too!! very much! so that was that, we went to work...
well, after not hearing from him for two days, I decided to call him to go see him after work...well he was busy and he could not talk? I asked why he said that he had to run to him moms RIGHT NOW!! He doesnt even have a car, so I had hunch something was up or he had changed his mind about us being finally together like he said two days before! Well I got upset and demanded we talk that day and he said that we had nothing to talk about and he had told her everything, he hung up on me, and I felt I had to do what I had to do...I e-mailed HER...I could not beleive that he had told her "everything" since she was actually considering taking him back...this is what was going on over the two days I hadnt heard from him! Well I told her everything and he found out that I did...and next thing you know he tells me to but out of his life and he loves her and she loves him and they both know that!!! WTF?!!!!
what went wrong? why did it all happen like it did for nothing? I felt so much and beleived, and still do that we are meant to be together...BUT such is life and so it ended, I havent talked to him for a week and a day now. Its not as bad, because I am a person who goes by out of sight out of mind...but I just cant beleive I was played like that and that I never meant anything to him, especially for him never to talk to me again...he just stopped talking and e-mailing, blocked me on messenger everything!
But if I can say anything...right now, I couldnt talk to him even if he let me...It would not work...not before I am over this whole lie of a life I was living for the past year, and not before those two idiots understand that even if they get back together it would never work!!? RIGHT? how could it? lies and cheating....ahhhh so thats my story! :(
sorry if it was too long!!!
Answering your questions:
I was just wondering how your A ended?
cl-nre: most of them ended due to "time to move on" feelings.
Di it end badly,on good terms?
cl-nre: none ended badly. Most xOW's are still friendly, although I haven't spoken to a few of them in over 15 years.
And if it ended badly,were you cold to eachother?
cl-nre: there were some that just drifted away, so no harsh words there. Others knew it was time to find a single guy and we parted on friendly terms. I continue to prepare income tax returns for several xOW's. (I'm a CPA)
Also,looking back now..would you do it again?
cl-nre: Hindsight being 20/20, most likely under the same set of circumstances at the same time in my life I would probably follow the same path. I believe it is because of those past experiences, as sad as they were, that I became the person I am today, older and wiser. As for the future, going forward, my answer is NO, emphatically NO. I'd leave my current marriage first and be a single person seeking another single person for a relationship. The lying and hiding places too much stress on life and it just isn't worth my time to live that way...... nor anyone else's.
jmhoo,
cl-nre
Kas
It hasn't ended badly and he has been so much better a person that I have. I try to find reasons to be mad at him and he just puts up with my weird behavior. I was wondering earlier how a relatively sane person turns totally psycho over this
Would I do it again, I don't think so. I really miss our friendship and wish I had never taken it to the next level. His W and my H knew what good friends we were and I do wish we didn't ruin that.
I just want to be myself again, although I can say I'm getting there.
This last time, it was different. No harsh words. No anger. Just the reality, admission and acceptance that because I don't like the person that this relationship made me, because I no longer can live with what I know our relationship would do to his wife (that he professes to love??) I couldn't deal with the secrets and the lies! I told him that I can't do THIS anymore!
He told me he understands and thanked me for being the stronger one of us. He then sent me several emails wishing me well, happy holidays and told me I'll always have a special part in his heart.
Looking back now...would I do it again? I wish I was strong enough to just say NO especially if I would know THIS was going to be the outcome! But being human and needing someone to be my best friend and to have fun on an intimate level...I probably would have done exactly what I did...hopefully, I would have realized much earlier that it's a lose/lose relationship!
As to your relationship in general, if I were you, I'd kick this man's butt to the curb as hard and as fast as you can do it! He's one highly messed up dude! I know you can do 200% better in finding someone that will truly love and *respect* YOU! This man clearly does not do either!
I would also suggest you do some deep soul searching to learn why you're attracted to such a good for nothing USER of a person. When you do this self-evaluation, you'll also figure out what you need to change within yourself to break this pattern. It will truly make you a happy person.
Good luck!
My emotional, long-distance A (he was my high school sweetheart) ended approx. 6 weeks ago. Yes, I would have to say it ended on a bad note. My xMM lost his job during the course of our relationship. As the months passed by and he remained unemployed, he became moody and depressed. We started fighting on the phone, and eventually the phone calls and E-mails became less frequent. He never actually came out and said he wanted to break it off with me. He would say things like he just needed to "take a step back" from everyone (supposedly not just me). He said he needed to focus on his son and his job search. I tried to be understanding, but inside my heart was breaking. I felt like I was losing my best friend. One day, after we had been NC for about 10 days, I just broke down and called him. I was angry, and said I needed answers to some questions. He became defensive, we fought, finally we each just said "goodbye" and hung up. (We used to never hang up without saying "I love you," even if the conversation had gone badly.)
So, that was late October, and we haven't called each other or E-mailed since. I understand that he is in a bad place emotionally, but it still hurts so much. We were together for 3 years in high school, then 2 years in this long-distance A, so I have a total of 5 years invested in this man. We are each married with kids (he has one, I have two). We discovered we were both in loveless marriages and often talked about a future together, when our kids were older. I do still love him and probably always will. However, I am trying to stay strong about NC, because it just got to the point that each conversation or E-mail exchange hurt too much. Would I do it again?? Probably, because for 2 years he provided me with love and attention that my husband did not.
Solost, I have been reading your postings and wish you luck on the hard road ahead. You have found a great support group in this board....the people here are awesome. Keep posting and let us know how you're doing!
My ema lasted on and off for a year. There were many "break-ups" in between. It ended for good about 3 months ago on a very ugly note. Both OM and I were to blame. He grew tired of my fence sitting, I got tired of his controlling ways. We both said very ugly hateful things. This affair turned me into someone I didn't even recognize and made me doubt every aspect of my being. I am now what I consider "recovered" although I will never forget this part of my life. If I could do it over, I would never have gotten into this situation!!
Karry
Karry - - who is learning to embrace life on her own raising her miracle, Carley Paige