Starting day 3 and not doing good

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
Starting day 3 and not doing good
9
Thu, 12-11-2003 - 12:30pm
Well I posted yesterday that it was like 9pm my time and day two NC was pretty much over. I went to watch TV and relax for a while. The whole time I wanted to check my XMM W's post. I started missing him soooooooo bad. I want to see him, I want him to hug me and tell me evrything will be ok. Ok I know none of this will happen nor do I REALLY want this. I am just having a sad, depressing moment. I tried to go to bed couldn't sleeep and even took a pill. so I started reading that book. Next thing I knew it was 1am. I said this is stupid so I tried to go to sleep. Well 5am up can't slep and sad today. I haven't broken NC and don't plan on it but am feeling pretty down today.

Sad

Cali~

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2003
Thu, 12-11-2003 - 12:47pm
Cali i'm so sorry.I know how much it hurts and believe me,today isn't good for me either.My OM was a Firefighter and a fire truck came flying by first thing this morning..it's what woke me up.I can't escape him no matter what i do.Cali,we have to believe and pray this will end soon.This hurt will drive you to madness sometimes,i know.There are some days i feel like i just want to die until this hurt is gone and then wake back up.But it WILL get better...i have to believe that and you do too sweetie.One day we'll wake up and for once,we'll know,we have let go and healed.Please don't look at those boards and keep smiling...your day is getting closer and closer and you'll never look back again.I'm here for you...

((((((((BIG HUG)))))))))

Solost

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2003
Thu, 12-11-2003 - 1:09pm


Yeah, even though I feel much better I still do that stupid thing where I play insominac. I HATE IT!!! I hate not being able to sleep..DO good today anyhow and PRESS>>> You'll probably sleep like a LOG tonight.. You should take a hot bath tonight and relax before you get into bed...or hell take a hot bath right now and de-stress.

I was up at 3 am myself...and still havn't been back to sleep!!It's not really about the man though.. It's about me feeling anxious about the next chapter of my life... I'd like to go into it with a man strapped onto my side to catch me if I fail... or when I need help. There's something comforting about that... I do have some anchors who have presented themselves. suitors that is.. MY XH. My new male friend... I could play it up and use them for comfort... BUT... that is just what I do, just what I've always done... held on because I was afraid to be completely without a man. I know what I must do... I know this is learning time for me... Alone time.. IT SUCKS>.. I'm HORRIBLE at it... BUT I think It will make me even better, even stronger, even more able to commit to a positive relationship...with my true match someday...

Once again, I've turned your post into something about me... SORRY! I guess I'm trying to remind you, YOUR perfectly justified... and normal in feeling this way... I hope it passes soon..

Speaking about what I want vrs. what you want... IT will be a late Dec. BIRTH!! Don't even curse me!

MOST OF ALL! I care about you WOMAN! I want the cali from yesterday BACK!

KATJA

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2003
Thu, 12-11-2003 - 1:37pm
Cali, Cali, Cali.... I'm right there on the sad side with you today. It's funny, with my kids we have a sad meter. It's my way to gauge every day how they are handling the stress of the divorce and my roller coaster moods. So now we all ask each other... where are you on your sad meter today. A low reading means you are doing ok... you're more happy than sad.... a high reading means red flags and warning bells... you are WAY more sad than happy. If you have a high reading on the sad meter then you get something special.... for my kids it's a treat.... for you and me it's a kick in the a$$. I wish I were in bed right now with the covers pulled over my head so I could cry for a few hours. Better still I wish I were in bed right now with XMM. OK, a gal can admit when she needs a "little" LOL.

I'm back to day 1 of NC. It should be a lot easier now since he has basically cancelled me off the face of the earth... according to him. Does that make NC easier? Hang in there Cali, think of your Mom coming to see you... I hope that will be a good thing! Me, I'm surfing the net looking for a nice hot beach to escape to after Christmas with my girls!

CG

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
Thu, 12-11-2003 - 3:15pm
Hey we will make it. So here I go I am virtually kicking you in the A$$! How do you feel?

And girl I know what you are talking about but I could use more then just a little right now. It has been two months. Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Yes when they ignore you it does make NC easier cause you can move on without them bothering you. It still sucks but is easier.

Nice hot beach.......Well we have beaches but it won't be hot. Put San Diego on your list ok.

Cali~

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2003
Thu, 12-11-2003 - 11:11pm
Hey, SAD Cali....Remember it's all mind over matter. He doesn't matter and you need to stop minding (is that even a word? LOL)

How are you doing tonight? I keep posting to you but you never post back :(

Stay strong and determined because there will be many bumps along the road but I know that with a little more time, the bumps will get softer.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
Sat, 12-13-2003 - 12:49am
Hey I don't think I like being called SAD Cali:-( So it will be happy, fu, exciting, stong, Cali. Something other then Sad. I am going to TRY and get Sad out of my vocublary.

Oh yes I do post back to you. I think I posted specifically to you a while back asking how you were and I don't think you responded. So there! LOL.

I am tired right now on night shift and sleepy and still ahve 8 hours to go. Ughhhhhhhhhh shift change. I love nights but the first one is hard.

So how are you doing? Is he reading your post?

Cali~

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2003
Sat, 12-13-2003 - 12:07pm
CALI.....NO need to get angry. I addressed my post to you and used the word SAD simply because you SIGNED your original post as *SAD* Cali! There were no other intended implications and I'm sorry you thought there were.

Hope you're doing well.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
Sat, 12-13-2003 - 7:29pm
Girl I wasn't mad I was just playing with you. I guess it didn't come across very well. How are you doing?

Cali~

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2003
Sun, 12-14-2003 - 1:18am
Thanks Cali...I guess the angry :( icons got to me. I do appreciate your post.

As for me, I'm doing well. The holiday season does bring back a flood of memories because we met in the winter and I can't help but think about him especially with each year's first snowfall.

I'll get over it! I keep reminding myself that if HE *WANTED* to be here....he WOULD and he's NOT! End of THAT story because life continues and my job is to make the BEST of it!

Thanks for asking about me :)