help...I'm confused again

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
help...I'm confused again
7
Thu, 12-11-2003 - 7:40pm
ok, before everyone comes down on me, please understand that I am still hurting and sometimes very confused.

I talked to XMM today and asked him if he will ever give me the opportunity to say goodbye and explain things in person. His response was 'I don't know'...I'm ok with that but would obviously prefer a yes or no. Before you wonder why I would prefer to do this in person instead of over the phone is because I need to know how I really feel about him. The phone in my opinion hides a lot and allows myself to mask and measure my words. I've always been a person that can assess my feelings only in person. And yes I am so confused. One minute I hate this XMM, the next I think I may have some really strong feelings for him and this is why saying goodbye in person is so important to me.

Anyways, what confused me was his insistence that I have feelings for him....why does it matter? I've asked him this but he always manages to change the subject. I figure at this point, regardless of how I feel is none of his business. Right?!

Any opinions are wanted. Thanks

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
Thu, 12-11-2003 - 8:08pm
Xterra you there? Log on if you are. I really need to start getting ready to drive to LA. I need to change clothes take a shower an eat something. But if you are on come on IM for a minute. I want to ask you some personal stuff and would like to talk toyou when your H isn't around so you can talk. If you are going to be up around 11pm I can call you on my way up to LA. If not let me know when I can catch you alone. I love ya girl and support you. I DON'T want to see you hurt though!

Cali~

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
Fri, 12-12-2003 - 11:35am
Cali - call me anytime today
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
Fri, 12-12-2003 - 5:31pm
I'm bumping this 'cause some opinions on what to do would be greatly appreciated. I'm debating calling him back and telling him yes I do think I'm in-love with him but not sure if it would make a difference....help please.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2003
Fri, 12-12-2003 - 5:51pm
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Edited 10/1/2004 6:35 pm ET ET by sally289
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Sun, 12-14-2003 - 9:16am
hi xt...my opinion is "leave it alone". there will never be the right conversation, the right words, the right look, to make this all feel ok. you are hanging onto threads of hope in his words. he asked for time, he HAS made his decision (for now, at least). try, try, try to let it go...try not to think about: the future w/him; his marriage; his W; his promises. concentrate on you...start NC for you. see what happens to you after coming out of this with renewed feelings of power. good luck with it all. cmbm
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2003
Sun, 12-14-2003 - 10:16am
Hi xterra,

In my opinion, the face-to-face contact only serves to stroke the ego. I too, feel the need for a final goodbye, closure if you will. I know it won't happen. It is none of his business how you are feeling, he has made that clear. You have to take care of YOU. Try to push his life out of your mind. You can make yourself crazy thinking and dwelling on it.

Please don't give him the satisfaction of knowing that you are tearing up inside. We have very strong feelings for these men and they are real feelings. Time does heal all wounds. Sometimes the wounds don't go away, but they scar over and when we look back someday, we will see and feel those scars and know that we have done the right thing.

I really look forward to that day and I know that I will be able to look at myself and be proud, once again.

Please don't see him....

Avatar for shescomeundone2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Sun, 12-14-2003 - 3:08pm
X:

it sounds to me like you want and need some type of validation that you mattered to him....which is okay. That is normal. Confusion in matters of the heart are normal also.....HOWEVER, you may see him in person and talk and never get the answers or the comfort that you need right now.....maybe it does'nt make sense and it never will.....that is a possibility you know?

For years i looked to XOM to help it all make sense, for him to explain things to me....why did we get into this relationship, why did it hurt so much..what should we do? I was looking to a jackass for answers...like Dorothy from Wizard of Oz, I always had the ability to go home,,,I just had to click those heels...yanno? Hey, maybe thats why I have such a shoe fetish......

Jazzdiva