Blew it again

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2003
Blew it again
5
Fri, 12-12-2003 - 8:11am
He called and I responded. Now, I am beating myself up. Why is it so hard to let go? I have said, don't call, email or messenger, but he continues to. Ok, I know I have to block him and I have already taken care of two messenger accounts I had. Have not been able to bring myself to block him on the third or email. Thought I was doing pretty good. Yeah, right.

So disgusted with myself for taking the bait again.

Maybe I deserve all this crap.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
In reply to: i_am_tired
Sat, 12-13-2003 - 12:44am
Stop it!!! We all have ups and downs. You are doing good. It took alot to block the accounts. I deleted my XMM cell number form my phone. NOW lets get you too block him on all you e-mail accounts and IM's and I will delete alll 400 e-mails from my work computer that I have saved. You know what a huge stp that would be. Wanna make that deal????

I am on day four. Yipee. So guess what now since you were my NC buddy you have to catch up:-) Lets go girl see if you can catch me.

Love ya

Cali~

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2003
In reply to: i_am_tired
Sat, 12-13-2003 - 9:07am
Thank you Cali... I wonder why the continued support when I keep falling down? You think I would wake up by now. Fortunately, I don't have anything on my work computer from him. I do have 400+ emails at home though. I have already cleaned it out a lot. At one time, had over 800. I really want this nc to work, but I know that I am in control of it, not him. I have to stop giving him the power. I have to stop.

Congrats on day four... I hope to be following closely behind you. Stay strong Cali and pass it along my way too.

I am having a rough day. My dog is very sick right now and it was a rough night with her. She is my buddy and is quite old (13). I fear she may slowing down... not something I need right now, but will deal with. Don't have a choice.

But, I do have choices where the mm is concerned and I have to stick with my decisions and not falter again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2003
In reply to: i_am_tired
Sat, 12-13-2003 - 10:11am
Just checking in to say that I know it's hard and I am sending cyber-strength your way. I have been following your posts, and I can see how you are struggling with this. You have lots of people here who understand and want to help you. Count me among them. And remember that you are taking care of YOU first. That's as it should be.

Anna

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2003
In reply to: i_am_tired
Sat, 12-13-2003 - 2:15pm
Thank you Anna and everyone else. I really do get so disgusted with myself. I have to stop it and stop it now, but it is so hard. As soon as I start to feel stronger, I get a call, an email, a message and it seems to bring me right back to square one. Where is the strength I had when I left my marriage? That person seems to have disappeared and in its place is a sniveling, scared shell of a person.

I really hate this. By the way, this is not a good day, if you can tell....

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
In reply to: i_am_tired
Sun, 12-14-2003 - 7:11am
Why continued support well let me tell you. Because we have all been in the same boat,the boat next to that boat or somewhere in that ocean. Basically we all understand. Some of us have harder heads then others and it takes a couple of time of hitting it against the wall before we wake up. For me it took soooooooooooo many times I have permanent bumps on my head now:-) You can do it. If I am doing it so can you.

I want to delete the e-mails but don't want to read them. It is hard cause once they are gone it is no getting them back. I need to just do it.

Day five down for me and starting day 6. I am working nights right now so it is 4 am so beginning day 6. I am happy of what I am accomplishing but am still very sad about the whole thing. Even though it was a BAD situation.

Sorry about your dog. I hope the best for her. I am a cat person and have had my baby for 6 yrs now and wouldbe sad if something happened to her.

Good luck and keep me posted. We are going to do this together.

Cali~