Update. Trying to Get Going

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2003
Update. Trying to Get Going
2
Fri, 12-12-2003 - 11:46am
Have not posted in almost a week. Have felt so crappy dont want to do anything. Although he asked that I not bug him about this situation, he needs to sort all this out for himself. I could not let it go. Tuesday, i asked him if he had any idea how he was feeling, or if he loved me. I would not let it go, finally, he said my place right not is at home, with wife and children. I said so you dont want us to develop any more feelings for one another, he said he thought that would be best. I just was stunned and said ok. Well I was devastted and before leaving work earlier, sent him and emial saying that I hope he never has to feel the way I feel right now, and that I did not leave my marriage because of him, it just made it a bit easier becuase I love you. I told him not to worry, I would not bother him with any questions any more.

Well the next day, a co-worker who knows about everything, asked him how things were, and he told her about our discussion. She then came to me and almost seemed like my mother. She said we need to talk. You have to quit badgering him, you will here somehting you dont want to here, you will push him away. She said, he thinks about you all the time, he cannot call, becasue he is under a mircroscope at home, since all of this came out. He is back home, but his heart is not there, he is looking forward to the holidays because of his childreen, but that is it. It is hurting him to know that I will be alone for the holidays, but he has to do this to be sure. He has to give her the chance, and he has to try and distance himself from me to be sure what his feelings are.

Well I then went to him, and told him that I was sorry for the email, and he said he knows this is hard, right now he has to do this, and he needs me here as his friend. The romance and intimacy will need to be put on hold for awhile.

Well there you have it, I am no better off. Thinking there might be a chance for us. I want that so badly, but with everything against us.

Just venting, and hurting so bad. Thanks

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2003
Fri, 12-12-2003 - 6:27pm
I was wondering how you were. I am thinking of you and sending lots of hugs your way. Maybe we can help each other. I will post my own story separately. But I hope you will be able to take comfort in the fact that he does love you and care about you, and he has to work this out for himself. Take care of yourself. Should it ever work out for the two of you, he will come to a whole person. And if it shouldn't work out, you will have that much more to give someone else.

Anna

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
Sat, 12-13-2003 - 12:35am
Hey pax... nothing much to say here except I hope the best for you. I know it doesn't matter what I say right now cause this is something that you want very badly and your emotions are taking over. I just want to say I have heard it all before. Gotta make it owrk, this hurt me too, home for the holidays for the kids blah, blah, blah. I still want you as a friend though. It means I want you on the side for as long as I can have you until you go tell me to jump. Please be careful and don't hold you life up to much for this man.

Sending support your way

Cali~