It's over

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2003
It's over
2
Fri, 12-12-2003 - 6:48pm
Today MM told me he can not do this any longer. The funny thing is, it hasn't been very long. Maybe five weeks. But we've known each other a long time. The crossing of emotional boundaries goes back about six months, and we just got closer and closer. Finally, five weeks ago I told him that I wanted more from our R (we are both M) and he and I spent the next two weeks talking about it. We have been intimate a few times since then.

Ironically, he told me today that he has to end things with me because he can no longer think of anyone or anything else, and he was not able to make love to his W the other night. She made advances, and it had been several weeks since she had shown any interest in him that way. But he had spent the evening with me (no IC that night, we were at a work event) and said he could not respond to her. He didn't want to. And he can't be part of his M if he can't make love with his W.

I am so angry, and so hurt, and yet at the same time, I do understand what he's saying. I am angry because for five weeks he's been saying, Yes let's do this, then two days later No I can't. So the yo-yo thing has been constant and I thought if I stuck it out a little longer, he and I would find an even keel and be able to keep going forward in our EMA. I am hurt because I was willing to try to make this work, I have compromised my M vows and I was/am willing to do what it takes to see if we can make it work, but he is quitting before we even got started. Everything was so on-again-off-again that we never really got a START. So I feel like we didn't ever get to try to make it work, to really see if we could manage this. And yet I do understand where he's coming from because since we started the physical part of the EMA, I have not been able to eat or sleep properly. I actually thought last night about calling it off myself today, because I was sick and tired of the yo-yo and the lack of food and sleep... but then I thought that if I gave it more time, we would find a way...

And I am angry and hurt that I don't get a chance to kiss him one last time, to sort of savor what it feels like to be with him. Because the wonderful moments were truly wonderful. I don't get a chance to say goodbye to this.

It's hard because I see him every day. We work together - closely. We actually have longer term plans of building a business together. And we do want to continue that. So I have to pull back a little, go back to where we were six weeks ago. I am willing to do that, but tonight I am mourning the loss of the R we never really got started. I don't know if that makes sense to anyone. I suppose I may be mourning for a while.

Thanks for listening. I now can focus on my family, my work, etc., and I do know this logically. But for right now, I am so very sad.

Anna

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2003
In reply to: annakv
Fri, 12-12-2003 - 8:38pm
anna,

i know exatly how you feel. i also want to kiss him, hold him one more time. My relationship only lasted about 2 months also. We were just getting started, when it all began to fall apart. I left my marriage, not because of him, but becuase he made it a bit easier to to what should have been done awhile ago. I am now alone, my children are barley speaking to me. They are so hurt by my H and I separating. And they know I wanted it.

I am totally devasted, i dont know if you feel the same, maybe we can try and help each other thru this. I know I could use some support.

Maybe he will realize how much he wants to be with you, by being distant from you. I know its hard, seeing him everyday at work, i have the same thing, we also work closely together. It breaks my heart each day when I see him, or I even smell him.

He does things like, he will ask me to go have a smoke, and as we are walking he will do silly things like try and push me gently, or try and trip me. Sounds like to teenagers, why does he do this, when he knows how hurt I am, and he is trying to figure things out. Today I asked him, what pleasure, satisfaction or peace, or whatever he calls it, that he gets to know that I love him. He said it brings him some peace to know this. He said he knows how hard this is for me, and is hard for him as well. Then in the next conversation, he talks about buying another vehicle, and talking about how another wont fit in his gararge. Then I think, jeez, if you are saying this stuff, you are not going anywhere. Its just crazy.

Its funny, you say how you understand what he is saying, I understand my MM to, but it does not make it any easier.

I want to think things will work out the way we both want them. I can only pray that happens for both of us.

Talk to you soon

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
In reply to: annakv
Sat, 12-13-2003 - 12:28am
Anna..Hi sorry you are sad I really feel for you. But you really don't want an EMA or a relationship that started as one. He has shown his true colors and let you know that he cares for his wife more and wants that relationship. And you should say thank you to him for letting you go early before he caused anymore havoic in your life. Better now then 2yrs from now. Do your self a favor please and try not to dwell on him and focus on what you want from life. I can't see you really wanting to continue an EMA.

I will be thinking about you

Cali~