XMM who ended it with XOW-how was it ...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2003
XMM who ended it with XOW-how was it ...
6
Sat, 12-13-2003 - 11:10am

XMM who ended it with XOW-how was it for you going back to your Marriage after??



  • It was easy to go back after and make the M completely happy again
  • it was very difficult going back to the M and finding complete happiness in it
  • it is some months later since I ended EMR and we're talking possible divorce
  • The M is livable;tolerable but I will accept that is how it will be
  • We are getting divorced


You will not be able to change your vote.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sat, 12-13-2003 - 9:41pm

Got divorced after last affair and am now married to last xOW


cl-nre

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2003
Sun, 12-14-2003 - 7:24am
CL, I thought I'd pop over to this board to give you an update.First of all I have to wish you continued good luck and happiness within your own marriage.(I didn't recall that you were married to you last XOW-that is interesting.)

Anyway,I wish you ALWAYS the best.

It has been over 4 1/2 months now since my XMM abruptly told me "I don't think I want to pursue this anymore"When I simply called to say Hi one beautiful summers day.

He has not reached out ONCE to me. Not once since.I suppose I might be the exception to the rule.There was no d-day -(but she was suspicious.)And you might recall the story-he's the one with Attention Deficit Disorder who has a hell of a time financially and especially with holding down a job,etc.

Anyway,the most I got from him was once when he picked up the phone and said "I just can't"

(talk I suppose he meant)

It was hell for me at first.Felt like I was literally thrown away.Now the days are better.Not fantastic.I'm working a wonderful new part time job in a High school...I really love it. I also have to say I love the attention I get there too.My co-workers and the kids are so nice (okay so a couple of knucklehead kids but that's in all schools :)

It just feels so good esp. when someone will say something complimentary to me for instance-because the way it ended with XMM-SOO cruelly I felt -well,I just needed to be uplifted again.And I know it works in reverse.Me,being friendly,and smiling and happy makes the people I work with happier too.So that is a positive.It had been NINETEEN years since I had worked-(since my first son was born!)

And so I am there and glad to be.

As far as the Marriage-it's going well enough.H never knew all the details about the affair but he knew there were deep feelings that I had for this guy (who was my HS sweetheart you recall.)

Anyway,I'm trying to make it better.It is hard though.Hard,because even though H dosen't know fully what went on between XMM and Me-I think inside he feels he doesn't want to go the extra mile right now with the marriage.

Know what I mean?

For instance I asked him if maybe we could try to say Honey to one another.

Or if he could learn to send me a text message sometime.

Or do something romantic for me.

(And yes, I'm being sweet to him too-it's not all one sided.)

But I guess you know how it is-he probably feels like there WAS something that I was getting (emotionally atleast)from another man and so this is why I want it from him now.

(I truly think he feels that inside)

But,anyway,as I said our marriage was never really bad don't think in the prior l8 years before I remet XMM again.

It's 21 years now and definitely worth trying for.


By the way..as far as XMM,he cut all contact with me completely(actually last month) so I couldn't even call him if I wanted to.

This from a man who said "we can NEVER say No Contact because you never know what life will bring."

A 40 something year old-who I really,really believed.

He also had told me once he'd never leave my life.

So I've been through the ringer-in the past few months but actually very proud of myself.

But coping pretty well I'd say.


Just my update :)

P.S.Can't say I still wouldn't like XMM to call with an occasional Hello-or even just to write me.

Remember he and I knew each other twice in this lifetime-and I STILL can't fathom why we couldn't talk OCCASIONALLY.

I suppose the chance of that is slim now.

Not sure.

Well, take care.

I wish you well.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 12-15-2003 - 8:57am

Hey, mlster, I've wondered about you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2003
Mon, 12-15-2003 - 2:49pm
Thankyou Chris,

Of course I wish you luck too!

Yeah,I'm doing alright.I think alot of the people around me day and night don't realize it but they're holding me up LOL!

The thing is I still feel XMM made a terrible mistake by not keeping me in his life somehow someway (even for an occasional Hello or Happy Birthday maybe.)

It was hard for me-Dec 3rd-because that was XMM's birthday but I made it through.I guess that's how it'll be for awhile.

But life does go on.And what I've got here at home is pretty warm and cozy too.Like my therapist told me once "there's something comforting about warm and cozy (meat and potatoes type men-which is what my H is!)

I think she's right.

He IS my rock and I don't know what I'd do without my rock.

So thank God I still have him.

Yes, life is okay.Not fantabulous out of this world but I'm smiling and okay pretty much daily now.

Take care of yourself and keep up the wonderful job you do on here of helping people in need.

Love,

MLster

former XOW now starting over Wife and Mom :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 12-15-2003 - 5:17pm

Interesting choice of words, Mlster!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2003
Mon, 12-15-2003 - 7:40pm
WOW,then you are in a FANTASTIC place with both your heart and mind.

My mind pretty much knows (I say pretty much LOL!) that XMM ending the EMR was for the best but my heart still yearns somewhat.

It was wonderful seeing him again after 20years no doubt about it.

With all the pain-and even now that it is work for the first time to get the marriage to where H and I would like..I still wouldn't have missed the sight of XMM walking through that door in January of 2000 for nothing!

And holding me and loving me.

A once in a lifetime experience.

But nope!

I'm back with H :)

Now add some gravy to that meat and potatoes and make it hot!!!!!!!!!!!