Very Hard to Cope

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2003
Very Hard to Cope
3
Sun, 12-14-2003 - 10:31am
last night I decided that I would try very hard to move on and push him out of my mind. I cant wait around waiting for him to realize what his feelings for me and his wife are. Especially when I know what the outcome will probably be.

Today is hard. I am trying not to think of him. Trying very hard. But each time I try, I get this sinking feeling in my stomach and heart, and I think of him.

When will this end. I try to find something funny on tv, try thinking of something different. Nothing seems to be working.

I love him so much, and I dont know how to push the feelings aside. I want to be happy again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2003
Sun, 12-14-2003 - 12:17pm
All you can do is follow your heart...if you believe ending it is the right thing to do then just stick it out. We all KNOW that pain and despair eventually subsides...time DOES heal all wounds. I have tried ending my relationship with MM a few times, but the emotional bond was far too strong. But I know I am getting over being 2nd place. And with that feeling comes a LOT of tears but also with strength. I told him I was ending it JUST over holidays...but in my heart I know if I get through the next few weeks I WILL make it forever.

I truly believe that UNTIL the love is COMPLETELY taken away from them, then they have NO reason to even think about leaving. If we leave them alone...then one of two things will happen. Either WE move on or THEY leave to be with us. It's the time period between that is pure hell. But at the end SOMETHING will be different.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2003
Sun, 12-14-2003 - 1:43pm
Pax,

MEN NEVER LEAVE! It's good that you awknowledge this.

Especially when I know what the outcome will probably be.

I can't believe I even gave my XMM. A time, when he thought that he had a choice. Me or his wife. How could I let him have that kind of control over my destiny. Shouldn't I decide if I wanted to be with him just as much as he had a say in weather or not we could be a couple. Anyhow. I think I only did because I was pregnant. Otherwise.

I would never want a man to leave his wife for me... what would you be getting? A man that has problems, I can almost assure you.

Especially, if they have kids... drama drama... drama... what happens when those little kids grow up and the lights come on and you become... the evil lady that broke our family apart... trust me it will happen...no matter how great of a stepmom you are.

OK I kind of went off on a tangent.

So back to what else you were saying... I know PAX your going through a very hard time right now... with time it'll get less and less...

You've made a decision to put yourself first so stick to it! It'll be worth the payoff in the end!

Best wishes,

Katja

Avatar for shescomeundone2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Sun, 12-14-2003 - 3:03pm
good point kat...marrying a man that has children is very hard to begin with, and being the other woman doesn't make it easier.....especially when their mother is bitter. NOW before Y'all start trashing me, i am making it known that this is not always the case. Some people go on to really be happy even though there was an affair involved. My cousins

kids grew to love their stepmom, even though the stepmom was at one time the mistress...they don't care about that at this point. They all went to therapy and worked through whatever anger and stuff they had to work thru.

A very good friend of mine was the mistress. She was in her twenties and involved with a married man a good 15-20 years older then her....he had four children, the youngest was three. He left his wife for my friend, and they got married. She became stepmom to these four kids, and really has a decent relationship with them now. The youngest kid is now 20!! She can even be in the same social function with the ex wife and they are civil to eachother. I commented once on how wonderful it all worked out to be, and she told me that for YEARS she watched her husband suffer with the pain of a divorce, the legacy of an affair they had to live with, and how the kids suffered alot. It all looks honky dory now, but it wasn't a picnic. Just something to think about.

Jazzdiva