NC just over holidays??
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NC just over holidays??
| Sun, 12-14-2003 - 12:00pm |
I am very much in love with MM...I am single. We used to work together but I quit because rumours were causing problems and he was up for big promotion. I also thought leaving would help me as well. So he just got his promotion and he makes even more time for me then ever. BUT the holidays and all the parties and dinners and plans kept reminding me that I am 2ND PLACE....she gets to go to functions and wake up with him on Christmas. If he REALLY loves me then we should be together....but there are kids (A stepson and a 1 year old). If he left he would have no rights to stepson that he's raised for 8 years.
SO I told him yesterday I wanted a break...atleast through the holidays. No calls, no lunches, visits...NOTHING. He said he understood. So it's day 2....of nothing. For the last 1 1/2 years we have seen each other every day somehow..even if only for a hug at a gas station...and we talk atleast 3-5 times EVERY day. But I'm not all that upset...almost relieved. I feel guilty about that. I HONESTLY, truly love this man and believe he's the love of my life---so why aren't I upset?
SO I told him yesterday I wanted a break...atleast through the holidays. No calls, no lunches, visits...NOTHING. He said he understood. So it's day 2....of nothing. For the last 1 1/2 years we have seen each other every day somehow..even if only for a hug at a gas station...and we talk atleast 3-5 times EVERY day. But I'm not all that upset...almost relieved. I feel guilty about that. I HONESTLY, truly love this man and believe he's the love of my life---so why aren't I upset?
I am so confused...if it's easy to get through the next 3 weeks with NC...then should I make it forever?

I think you said some key things that indicate that you want to end it. You don't want to be second.. etc. I think I'm a little in awe that you quit your job for his sake. I hope you found something better. I think if your feeling great about your new freedom from this affair then wonderful. Press on.. be single. Stop seeing him.
I think we've all learned on the board that ending the affair sooner then later is for the best. I just hope that you do..for your own sanity. BUT, you have to do what feels right to you.
GOOD LUCK
Katja
For these 2 years I was willing to accept being second, and I was willing to accept the little bits and pieces that he gave me. I finally realized that I am worth much more and am not willing to accept this type of relationship anymore. That I deserve to be number ONE, and won't settle for less. We had grown so close that it became completely senseless to me to stay with him when there was no way to take it to the next level. Our relationship changed when I came to this point. Changed because he also realized that he needed to make a decision. To get off the fence and either stay with his wife 100% and try (again) to make it work, or leave.
I am telling you this because I empathize with you, can understand how you feel. You need to ask yourself something.....Why would YOU be willing to accept second best and settle for less. Aren't you worth more????
Do yourself a favor and continue this no contact. Find a single man who will give you what you deserve. There is no true happiness with a man that has the mentatlity of having his cake and eating it too. You will find yourself feeling this way many times, it will eat at you.
I believe that you are relieved because you probably know in your heart that you are doing the right thing. I also believe that you should not talk to him until or unless he decides to divorce. So, yes in my opinion you should make it "forever".
Good luck
~Love
On the 3rd day of us not talking he said he was so nasty and mean to his wife because he was miserable and had scorching headache over our dilema...says she kept nagging and he said he snapped and threatened her physically. I can't stress enough that he's NOT a violent person but he says he can't stand her. She told him she wasn't happy and he wasn't happy and that he should move out. When he confronted her next day about leaving she said she wasn't serious. Now she's being nice--cooking things, but he says it's all a little to late for her to be nice. He says after awhile things will go back to normal and they'll be miserable again. He says the closer we become the more he knows he married too young and the wrong one.
I hat this situation....I am 33 and I would never even LOOK at a guy with a girlfriend let alone a 10 year marriage and 2 sons...but I LOVE him and he loves me.
I have to deal with the fact I can't end this yet..I love him and everyone around his marriage that's even friends with her says their marriage is doomed.
I wish I could go back to the day we met and I would've turned a different corner I sware.
Jazzdiva