I did a desperate thing........
Find a Conversation
I did a desperate thing........
| Sun, 12-14-2003 - 7:55pm |
I did a desperate thing yesterday and even this morning. My XMM decided that he wanted NC a week ago on Monday. It has been extremely hard since he just told me that Sunday night before that he loved me and I was the love of his life. We had been in the affair 12 years. Both our spouses know about the affair and how long it lasted. It is almost like I can feel where he is and what he is doing. Saturday morning around 10 am, call it intution, I called the casino hotel that we stayed quite often and ask to transfer me to his room....he was there alright....but his W answered - I reconized her voice. I hung up. But then I called back.....she answered again...I hung up. I called about 7pm last night and MM answered and I didnt say anything and hung up. I called this morning and MM answered again. I heard his voice and hung up the phone. He has never, ever taken her there and I feel sad, mad, angry and betrayed that he would take her there. He has never taken her there and I am hurting really bad. I know it is over between us but I am still obsessed with him. How do I get past this and get on with my life? How do I let him go? Why is it that men go go back home and act the part and their wifes take them anyway they can get them to stay home? As much as he said I meant to him, how can he just walk away?
Still hurting,
Lillsilly

Wow, 12 years -- that is a very long time. It's understandable that it's going to take you awhile to get over this. Don't beat yourself up over what you did.....just realize that such actions are not going to help you with the healing process. All we can do is learn from our mistakes and move on.
I think these things are even harder to end when there is so much history involved. I was involved in a long-distance, emotional A (2 years) with my former HS sweetheart of 3 years. The guy even taught me how to drive when I was 15, for God's sake! He told me everything I wanted and needed to hear....that he loved me "more than life itself," more than my husband ever has or will, etc. His words touched me so deeply, and I became completely wrapped up in him. We often talked about a future together. Now here I sit, two years after it all began, about to enter my 7th week of NC. He was the one who backed off, saying he needed to "distance himself" and focus on his personal problems and his son. The pain is still great for me, although I am proud of myself for not contacting him. You're right, these men seem to be able to return to their former lives with relative ease, while we women feel so much pain. I guess the men are hurting too, although sometimes it sure doesn't seem that way.
My advice would be to go easy on yourself, and allow yourself time to grieve. Do try to go the no contact route....it is definitely not easy, but you will feel good about yourself with each day that you succeed. I try to tell myself that what is meant to be, will be. Leave him alone, and let him miss you. Good luck, and keep us posted!