Broken record

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2003
Broken record
8
Mon, 12-15-2003 - 9:41am
Ok, screwed up again. Maybe this time I will get it right. Rough weekend again. Just sent him a long email telling him it is over. Now the messages begin.. will I come to his funeral? I have destroyed his spirit. I know, I know.. I have to block him. I have made small strides in that arena. Deleted msn messenger and removed him from aol messenger. Blocked his email accounts. He has many email accounts, so he will probably try and contact me through one of them. I will block him as we go along.

God, I am so tired of this all. So tired. I pray to God to grant me the strength to do this and do it FOR ME. It is so hard to keep coming here and admit failure at what I need to do all the while trying to offer advice to those in the same situation. Who am I to give advice when I cannot even do the right thing???????

Thank you all for reading and bearing with me as I continue this horrid journey I am on.

When will it end?

Avatar for shescomeundone2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
In reply to: i_am_tired
Mon, 12-15-2003 - 11:16am
its okay, you are doing okay, slowly but surely.


You have to ignore him, even if he contacts you.

Sounds like my XOM with the different email accounts and three messengers......

anyway, yoiu wrote the goodbye email, now stop writing...you should only have to say goodbye once....and the funeral thing is a pathetic way of making you feel guilty. That is manipulation.

Jazzdiva

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2003
In reply to: i_am_tired
Mon, 12-15-2003 - 12:59pm
I'm sorry you are feeling so low. I posted on the affair chat board yesterday titled "Update - of sorts". I have also ended my EMA. I don't know all the details of your situation. But after ending the A a week ago, I had one or two pretty low days. Tears one minute, anger the next. Wondering why he lied to me, when I was honest with him. Believing him and thinking he was different, only to realize they are all pretty much the same.

The only thing I can tell you is to try to keep yourself busy, when you start to think about him, push it out of your mind, and work as hard as you can to "let it go". We deserve someone wonderful who treats us well, we can start by treating ourselves well. Be kind to yourself, forgive yourself. You are a warm person who let someone in your life, and it didn't work. Please don't beat yourself up over it. There are brighter days ahead.

Sending you hugs and all the best wishes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2003
In reply to: i_am_tired
Mon, 12-15-2003 - 2:40pm
Tired, I think you're doing fine. But, you do need to stop telling him it's over as obviously, you're giving him a different impression.

If you really want it to end, you won't have any problems not contacting him or not replying when he contacts you....it's that simple.

I recently deleted all of xMM's screen names from my buddy list because I know longer care to know if he's on or off line. I'm working on MY life and since he went back to his W, he obviously wanted no part of my life long-term.....then, it will always be his loss and I refuse to live the rest of my life crying over spilled milk!

How about you?

Good Luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2003
In reply to: i_am_tired
Mon, 12-15-2003 - 6:35pm
I have an opinion here.... Yes, telling XMM that it's over is redundant.... and detrimental to moving on. But saying that "If you really want it to end, you won't have any problems not contacting him or not replying when he contacts you.... it's that simple"

I disagree here. It's not that simple. And who says that Tired "WANTS" it over? I don't know, haven't posted in awhile, but knowing you can't go on, knowing your EMA is a mistake, is not the same thing as WANTING it over.... Realizing you can't go on lying to everyone you know, sneaking around, always having part of a person is not WANTING it to end. It's like an addiction to me. Do people really stop WANTING heroin, or do they realize it's going to kill them? I think it's the latter. When you can get both those things aligned, miracles can happen, but that's hard to do. That's what makes NC so hard, so painful, so impossible, because deep inside we want them to call and tell us they love us, that we're beautiful, that they can't live without us. Of course, that fantasy would only be temporary because you can't be happy at the expense of others.

Please don't simplify the process of NC. It hurts, is agonizing, it's like ripping out part of your heart.

JMHO,

ns

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2003
In reply to: i_am_tired
Mon, 12-15-2003 - 6:51pm
I want it over. Yes, it is like an addiction. I never had someone care for me the way he did, which does not make sense because he did not take the ultimate step to be with me. How could being second in someone's life feel good? All I know is I am trying. Taking one small step at a time and one day soon, I hope to be able to say... I am over him. It does hurt, it is agonizing and it is something that must be done.

I appreciate everyone on this board for their continued support, even though I have faltered over and over again.

There really is a simple way to end it... just do it. So much easier said than done.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2003
In reply to: i_am_tired
Mon, 12-15-2003 - 10:26pm
I've done it so many times.... every now and then I just give up..... know I can't do it.... I'm getting close to being there right now... We're not together anymore... but we don't seem able to do the NC thing... we are both addicted to each other... differently, maybe, but the same....

It sucks. I'm impressed that you're really trying. Keep it up! I get inspired. I have definitely done better, but I have not broken away completely. I know I need to. But do I WANT to not talk to him? No. I know it's bad to talk with him. Counter-productive.

Good luck!!!

ns

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2003
In reply to: i_am_tired
Tue, 12-16-2003 - 6:56am
We have not been "together" since he lost his job in April. That is when he went back to his other "home" and w (in another state). He kept the apartment here until July, when his lease was up, and was back a few times in-between, but mostly to pack and his w came with him.

I keep thinking in my warped mind that we can have some kind of friendship, but I know that is not possible, at least for now. I won't rule that out in the future, but letting go now is so darn hard.

I still find this board to be so very supportive and I do read, probably more than I should, but it keeps me from the temptation of sending an email or leaving a message for him. There has been nc since my email to him yesterday.

I am glad that you are inspired! It gives me hope that I can do it too......

Thank you....


Edited 12/16/2003 6:58:23 AM ET by i_am_tired

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2003
In reply to: i_am_tired
Tue, 12-16-2003 - 10:38am
NotSelfish........Please understand that in NO WAY am I trying to imply that ending an A or doing NC is simple or to take it a step further, that those unable to do it are somehow weak.

My A lasted 5 years and 3 years ago, I realized it really needed to end for good. Like you and so many others here, I know what agony is, I know how hard it was to end it because I kept going back thinking that I could somehow change the outcome. I continued to believe his lies and promises while days turned into years!

Eventually, I realized and accepted the fact that it needs to end for good and at that point, yes, NC became my strength. This IS why I said it's that simple. From reading this board, I know there are others that *eventually* did come to my conclusion.

What I was trying to tell Tired and anyone else reading my post was that with enough time, ALL will come to this same realization but nobody can do it until they're ready. I do believe Tired is ready for it to be over and once she allows her heart and mind to let go, it *will* become easy and eventually, she will look back on these days and most likely kick herself for trying to hold on because all holding on does is prolong our pain.

NS, I'm smart enough to know that none of us can let go, do NC until we're ready.

Good luck to you and to all others here! I know that we're all strong women (and men) and in our own time frame, once we accept it's over, every one of us will have the courage to let go!