anyone feel like this

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
anyone feel like this
3
Mon, 12-15-2003 - 11:54am
so today marks day 2 of NC for me.....and its so hard. I know that saying goodbye in person won't change anything but why is it so hard for me to let go. I have a wonderful H who has forgiven me and wants us to grow old together yet I keep thinking of XMM. I sometimes wonder how hes feeling: is he thinking of me? does he miss me?, is he hurting like I am?, etc. and then I tell myself that it doesn't matter because if he cared he could call or email....and his silence must mean that he wants nothing to do with me. I ended this but in the end I hoped that we could be friends...boy was I dreaming. Thanks for letting me vent !
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2003
Mon, 12-15-2003 - 12:58pm
Maybe at some point in time we can be friends with them, but healing has to take place first. You are lucky to have an h who cares. Just hang in there and take it one day at a time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2003
Mon, 12-15-2003 - 2:29pm
It must mean I'm normal because I also felt and wanted all the same things you do. We even actually tried to do the friends thing and now, I wish I would have TOTALLY walked away many, many years ago! An affair relationship is much different from a singles dating situation and IMO, it's not possible to be normal friends afterwards because there are too many memories of what once was and could have been and those memories will always be there.

Best thing you can do for yourself is to totally and for all eternity walk away, don't look back and work on yourself and the H that's forgiven you and wants to grow old with you....if you do love him?

Keep in mind that it's your brain that's driving you crazy and YOU ARE in control of your brain....BE STRONG!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 12-16-2003 - 9:52am
I could have written your post. I have been trying to do the NC thing for quite some time but it's very difficult because we work together. I've been trying so hard to stay away from him for about a month now, no calls, no visits initiated, nothing personal and it's so hard. I want him to hold me, to kiss me, etc... It really has been keeping me in a HORRIBLE mood lately. I miss everything about him. He comes around and tries to chat but he's usually waiting for our boss. I don't know if he's really there to see me or not. I've even started saying that I'd call him so he doesn't have to wait. The reasons that he's still in his marriage are too much for me to handle, says that wifie is sick and he is determined to stick by her until she's well. It's self inflicted so how is she going to get any better. I can't remember the last time he kissed me or made love to me...I ache for him. Wonder if he feels the same way?

On the other side of that coin, my H has also forgiven me and keeps telling me that I need to forgive myself because in his opinion I'm carrying around a lot of guilt over the EMA. I don't feel guilty for what I did but I do feel extremely bad for hurting him. We have had problems literally since day one of our 17+ year marriage. I have hated him for as long as I can remember. We have 2 DD's together and that must be why I stay. Only problem is that one of them is gone in about 18 months into the service and the other one and I aren't really that close. I'm so miserable I don't know what to do.

I didn't really offer any advice but I do know what you're going through. Good luck and I hope everything works out for you.

OM4M