anyone feel like this
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anyone feel like this
| Mon, 12-15-2003 - 11:54am |
so today marks day 2 of NC for me.....and its so hard. I know that saying goodbye in person won't change anything but why is it so hard for me to let go. I have a wonderful H who has forgiven me and wants us to grow old together yet I keep thinking of XMM. I sometimes wonder how hes feeling: is he thinking of me? does he miss me?, is he hurting like I am?, etc. and then I tell myself that it doesn't matter because if he cared he could call or email....and his silence must mean that he wants nothing to do with me. I ended this but in the end I hoped that we could be friends...boy was I dreaming. Thanks for letting me vent !

Best thing you can do for yourself is to totally and for all eternity walk away, don't look back and work on yourself and the H that's forgiven you and wants to grow old with you....if you do love him?
Keep in mind that it's your brain that's driving you crazy and YOU ARE in control of your brain....BE STRONG!
On the other side of that coin, my H has also forgiven me and keeps telling me that I need to forgive myself because in his opinion I'm carrying around a lot of guilt over the EMA. I don't feel guilty for what I did but I do feel extremely bad for hurting him. We have had problems literally since day one of our 17+ year marriage. I have hated him for as long as I can remember. We have 2 DD's together and that must be why I stay. Only problem is that one of them is gone in about 18 months into the service and the other one and I aren't really that close. I'm so miserable I don't know what to do.
I didn't really offer any advice but I do know what you're going through. Good luck and I hope everything works out for you.
OM4M