Day 4 of NC

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2003
Day 4 of NC
8
Mon, 12-15-2003 - 12:04pm
Today is day 4 of NC. Up until this morning I was so proud of myself and what I was doing... not only for me and for xMM, but for his W and family as well. Even though NC is imperative for all of the above reasons, today it hit me like a TON of bricks. I have cried almost all morning. Washing dishes, tears... making my son lunch, tears... playing with my son, tears..... I know this will eventually end, or at least I hope it does, the pain that is. December 6th was our 1 year anniversary, so these next few months hold so many wonderful memories, and I have the January trip that I cancelled to haunt me too. I guess it's like a death, where for the first year all of the firsts are so very hard and the plans that had to be cancelled, but then after that, over time it gets easier. It just really hurts.

Thanks for letting me share.

~Serenity
Avatar for shescomeundone2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Mon, 12-15-2003 - 12:18pm
i dont know what to do except send you some hugs right now. You are going through stages of grief, so if you need to cry then do it. Dont suppress your feelings.

Jazzdiva

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2003
Mon, 12-15-2003 - 12:44pm
Thanks so much for the hugs shes, I really need them. I don't think I could stop the tears even if I tried, although, I need to because H will be home soon for lunch. Thanks again.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2003
Mon, 12-15-2003 - 3:41pm
Ughhhh, I just recounted the days and I was wrong, I am ONLY on day 3 of NC... oh well, day 4 is tomorrow, right???? I am doing better than I was earlier, the dam of tears finally stopped. (for now anyway)
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2003
Mon, 12-15-2003 - 4:39pm
Serenity,

Don't know if you remember me, but I met you last week on the other side. I now have just made the decision (5 minutes actually) to end EMA. I have not told MM yet, but the effects it's having on my friendships and other relationships, it's got to end. I've lost your email and would love to have it again to help through this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2003
Mon, 12-15-2003 - 5:27pm
Yes, I remember you! I am glad to see you here, although I know that it is sometimes more difficult to be on this side than the other side. (sigh) I still have your e-mail address, so I'll go ahead and shoot you an e-mail! Talk to you soon!

~Serenity
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2003
Mon, 12-15-2003 - 10:55pm
Woohoo for me, I really thought tonight NC was going to be broken. xMM has a holiday job in which he works nights and for the last two weeks he had been calling me from there everynight during the week. I was almost positive I would get a call tonight, he ALWAYS calls even when I ask him not to. BUT... the house was quiet, no phone calls. I even have his number and had enjoyed having the ability to contact him when I wanted to in the evenings, because normally I can't call him, he usually has to be the one to call me. I thought I might buckle, especially when I noticed he wasn't going to call... but NOPE, I did not give in!!! The phone did ring at one point and my H answered and there was a hang up, but when I checked our phone card on-lin (mine and xMM's), it didn't show that it was him who called, so I am not assuming it was.

Anyway, it was a hard, hard day... but I made it through and I am so glad. One day at a time, or like earlier today one minute or hour at a time!

Thanks again for letting me vent!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2003
Tue, 12-16-2003 - 1:25am
Serenity, please know that this too shall pass and eventually, instead of looking at all those milestones as sad reminders.....you'll be looking at them as why in the heck did I waste *X* number of days, months and years for someone that was so not worth ME!

Give yourself the time you need and I promise, it will become easier.

Hugs to you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2003
Tue, 12-16-2003 - 10:08am
Thank you caring4me, I really appreciate the support!