Final Letter

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2003
Final Letter
6
Mon, 12-15-2003 - 2:35pm
I know I might catch a lot of flack for this discussion, but I just needed to tell somebody how I feel I've ended if for good.

XMM and myself had a horrid phone exchange last Wednesday afternoon.... I had told my H the entire truth about the affair because his psychiatrist (yep, I said psychiatrist) felt that finally coming clean with my H about the A might help him move on and start to feel less suicidal (yep, he's tried 3 times since October). So, I told my H all of the details... and of course he called the W and relayed all of the information. So, needless to say that XMM was furious.... I mean, the W knew about the A, but she did not know a lot of the details. Trust me, this was not out of revenge or being spiteful... I just needed to find a way for my husband to move on, and start living life, so that my 3 girls still had a father at the end of all this.

So XMM and I had a pretty bad phone call with him basically telling me that I had broken a promise to him that we would NEVER divulge the intimate details of the A.... he said if we did then our "memories" would be tainted.... yeh right! He just didn't want his fragile princess to go beserk on him and have to whether the fallout!

As a result of that final phone call I gave myself a talking to and decided I would wrote the final letter.... The purpose of the letter was not begging for forgiveness, I'm not asking to have him back, I'm telling him that if he thinks I'm going to be the "fall guy" for this A then he is wrong. We have both broken promises... he said he was leaving his wife... obviously that didn't happen. He is a hypocrite and he has got some nerve telling me that I broke promises. So I wrote it all down.... what he used to mean to me... and how that has changed! How he needs to not be a coward and hide behind his W, and take some responsibility for participating in this A. I told him that the purpose of the letter was really for my own benefit... 5 pages later, it actually made me feel that I was moving in the right direction. I'm delivering it in 15 minutes... and closing the page on this chapter in "the book of my life!"

I don't have a chance in he!! to rebuild with my husband, nor do I want to, our marriage was dead a long time ago, and it is the right decision for me to move on. So it's me against the world... and I know I can do this! Be strong everybody....

CG

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
In reply to: delrilchl
Mon, 12-15-2003 - 2:50pm
way to go on that letter....know what, these XMM are nuts in my opinion. They cheat with us yet go running back to the wives that they claim can't make them happy. Go figure and keep us posted on if he reponds or not.
Avatar for shescomeundone2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
In reply to: delrilchl
Mon, 12-15-2003 - 2:58pm
i've got three words for you lady:

YOU

GO

GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jazzdiva

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2003
In reply to: delrilchl
Mon, 12-15-2003 - 3:21pm
Just dropped it off.... I wrote a note on the outside of the envelope asking him to please read the note inside.... acknowledge he read it by leaving a voice mail on my cell phone.... and he will be rid of me forever!! Hopefully!! Let's see how pi&&ed off he gets about this one.... he may actually just toss it.... doesn't really matter because it was for my benefit.... good riddance!!

Thanks for the support.

CG

Avatar for shescomeundone2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
In reply to: delrilchl
Mon, 12-15-2003 - 5:55pm
CG,,,

You needed this for YOU, this isn't about him. Even if he doesn't respond its okay, you got it out. Did you drop it off at his house? what if wife gets to it first??

You did it..its over...you really need THIS to be IT! No more communication..okay? Otherwise it is going to be a very long and dragged out goodbye. I think your husbands psychiatrist should have his head examined himself for telling you to tell a suicidal man DETAILS about the affair. What purpose did that do except maybe hurt him more? Give him some visuals? He knew enough didn't he? he knew you had an affair and with whom....your husband's doctor should give his license back to Sears Roebuck where he bought it.....

I'm sorry, but after working as long as I did in the healthcare profession I know for a fact that not all advice is good advice. This just made a bigger mess out of an already big mess. OY VEY

Jazzdiva

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2003
In reply to: delrilchl
Mon, 12-15-2003 - 9:58pm
Oh my God.... you so crack me up! I wish I could speak to you in person, you got my kind of sense of humour! I'm telling you when I heard the shrink say it was a good idea I thought "he should be having his head read!" You are right about all advice is not good advice, but it's over and there ain't nothing I can do about it now sister! I'll just put on my a$$ kickin' boots, look like a million bucks and keep on going. I did drop the letter off at his house. His W was definitely at work, and I know he would get it first because I saw him at the bus stop picking up his son, and then driving home.... oh for sure he got it! I just got a missed call on my cell phone at 9:05pm. Monday nights he goes out to play soccer (used to be big man on campus.... captain of the football team, soccer team, dated all the cheerleaders). That's what drew him to me... it's the whole blond haired, blue eyes, long legged thing. He did not figure I might actually have a brain to top it all off.... silly boy!

Anyway, the missed called is not a number I recognize and when I tried to call it back (yep, I am not a rocket scientist), it said that number can be used for outgoing calls only. He definitely made the call from his police station (he's a cop). No message though which is interesting since my note basically said, call me, leave a message on my cell phone saying you read the letter and you will be rid of me forever.... come on buddy, if you do only one thing right in your life just leave me the GD voice mail saying you read it and see ya' later!! I'm feeling pretty good about though I have to say... talk to me tomorrow though.... I might be a complete bag of toys!

CG

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2003
In reply to: delrilchl
Tue, 12-16-2003 - 10:50am
CG,

What will you do if he does not respond to your final letter?

I don't mean to sound harsh, but it sounds like uou're still waiting for him, you're still looking for him to throw you a crumb, something for you to hang on to...

For you own sake, just let it go.